Tired of being me ((posted because annie asked me to at the party))
I'm so tired of being me. Tired of reaching for the hearts and minds of others and falling. Tired of living by my standards, rules and beliefs. I'm tired of living in the shadow of my own views.Tired of knowing people around me, and them knowing me.
I dont know what it is about me, but I feel ancient in my own skin. Its sad to say I am kinda ready for this who life to be over and done with. When you honestly think about it, its not all to great, nor worth living any more. Maybe it use to be, but now with todays society, I think not. I dont know, its just that some times, I feel so let down by my expectations of this world. Its not hard at all to go through life, infact, its very, very easy. In America, its not the tired struggle, this equation of mass proportions, its what do u want out of it?
My answer is that I want a challenge, a challenge that will get me what I would have gotten, but be a struggle all the way. I want to fail, and come against impossiable odds. I want to be laughed at by the victors. I want a life. I want something worth living, worth remembering. Its kinda sad to think though, that I am only 20 and have no real ambitions any more. I just wanna get lost and suffer for something worth suffering for. I want scars, I want blood and tears. I want the world to kick my ass, cause it hasn't been able to yet. I feel so fuckin' immortal sometimes. Sometimes I feel I am the only real person who has a grip on reality. While other people around me make stupid descisions all in the name of love ((for which they believe they can be irrational for;which does not excuse stupidity BTW)),I stand and whatch the crumble of reality. These problems are not real problems, they are fictional and meaningless. I swear some people should stand over the grass when they talk so their bullshit would make the flowers grow, instead of putting it in my face. ((I thought it was funny))
Recruitment. The last option I see to find a challenge. Going in to loose who I am and to figure out what I need. I think I need a labotomy, but I'd rather get a bike and some slammin' tats to go with it ((talked about it to the rents and they would dis-own me, but then again as of next friday I am government property...)). The navy is looking good, it will get me away for a while. Atleast there I will not have to deal with things as important as the shit that goes on in my daily life ;-)
~fin
I dont know what it is about me, but I feel ancient in my own skin. Its sad to say I am kinda ready for this who life to be over and done with. When you honestly think about it, its not all to great, nor worth living any more. Maybe it use to be, but now with todays society, I think not. I dont know, its just that some times, I feel so let down by my expectations of this world. Its not hard at all to go through life, infact, its very, very easy. In America, its not the tired struggle, this equation of mass proportions, its what do u want out of it?
My answer is that I want a challenge, a challenge that will get me what I would have gotten, but be a struggle all the way. I want to fail, and come against impossiable odds. I want to be laughed at by the victors. I want a life. I want something worth living, worth remembering. Its kinda sad to think though, that I am only 20 and have no real ambitions any more. I just wanna get lost and suffer for something worth suffering for. I want scars, I want blood and tears. I want the world to kick my ass, cause it hasn't been able to yet. I feel so fuckin' immortal sometimes. Sometimes I feel I am the only real person who has a grip on reality. While other people around me make stupid descisions all in the name of love ((for which they believe they can be irrational for;which does not excuse stupidity BTW)),I stand and whatch the crumble of reality. These problems are not real problems, they are fictional and meaningless. I swear some people should stand over the grass when they talk so their bullshit would make the flowers grow, instead of putting it in my face. ((I thought it was funny))
Recruitment. The last option I see to find a challenge. Going in to loose who I am and to figure out what I need. I think I need a labotomy, but I'd rather get a bike and some slammin' tats to go with it ((talked about it to the rents and they would dis-own me, but then again as of next friday I am government property...)). The navy is looking good, it will get me away for a while. Atleast there I will not have to deal with things as important as the shit that goes on in my daily life ;-)
~fin