(no subject)

Apr 27, 2004 14:13

But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know
just how much you mean to me
as snow falls
against the sky
until the end of everything
~demolition Lovers

The sky opens to be devirginized by the rays of the ever growing sun. With gusts of wind moving the morning mist through the streets, a lonely individual stands, while in his mind he kneels. Knowing that the future is uncertain, he finds himself on a mental ledge, looking below him he will only find the treacherous pitfall of failure. Across from him there is another cliff, the other side. The mist is too heavy to see if the grass is greener, but some how he must now if it is infact greener.

Where is my mind these days? Lost in the mist of questions I can not answer I find myself perplexed with thoughts that come with age. Am I who I need to be? Am I the way I should be? I think I am moving along very well in the trail of life. Still I have many forks in the road ahead of me, but with more thought and contemplation the paths I should take become more clear. Maybe one day I will look back on the days of my youth, which seem so eternal right now, and laugh at my contemptment for who I am.
Old age seems so far away, and it is just now as I am writing this that I have just realized that I have lost one of my key beliefs that have kept me happy all these years. This core belief that I have lost is that life is too short to be sad, or angry. I feel like I have wasted this time in texas being sad for myself, feeling desperate and lonely. I need to look to the now and the future, instead of living in the past. The world is not getting any younger, but older and more complex and chaotic. Maybe I am too full of myself, but I feel like in some way that the world needs me to be the best person I can be, be the person I was but at the same time become the person I am. Maybe if I was blindfolded and deaf I could lead the world, but cursed with the ability to see and hear the chaos around me that everyone ignores (which only perpetuates it) keeps me from conquering the world. Produced to find the way, the tau, I search far and wide only to find people are for the most part lost and complacent about it. I know I am, but that is not totally true, either statement. If this were true then all would be lost, and I wouldn't be writing this. I can feel it in my bones, the flow of my blood, my generation, this society is waiting for some epiphany to come, some one to rise and not fight, but change the world around them. I can imagine the day when this happens, almost like a christian would see the second coming of christ. Could I be the one to change the society I feel so sorry for? I don't think so, but I do feel that in my mind I am asking the right questions and slowly finding the answers.

If god is in my tv, let the channel be clear, if satan is in my computer then let him be downloaded. This world needs something mystical to believe in again. All heroes have been killed, all legends and religions have been analyzed and catagorized to a scientific note in a lab journal, ripped apart to find false hood. The idea of blind faith has been taken over by the idea of absolute truth, but no one has screamed out if its real to me, does that mean I have to prove it to you? The possessed are diagnosed insane, the world is trying to erase faith from everything and distort the real truth and meaning which is no matter who you are, no matter where you are from, you are lost without belief, belief in something, wether its god or that there is nothing, at least believe and live by your belief.

This scientific destruction of religion, legends and heroes has led me to believe this is why pagan religions have gained in popularity. Here is something that seems very mystical and lost, untouched and at the same time in the background of everything. Most pagans that I have met are in fact as bad as the christians that they condem. They say they are one thing, but only use it to bring a counter point to the table, acting as if because they say they are pagan they have wieght in a conversation of religous topic. So many people I have met that are pagans are infact not. They are sunday church goers of the pagan religion, they are the perversion that is produced from society, something I would like to think I try to fight. Thinking that they are special because they are of a belief that is mis-understood, and yet they make fun of mormons.

~FIN
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