Choices.
"Its selfish to be bisexual, heh."
Casual words extracted from another online conversation between me and my sister. Our lives are too hectic in their own ways for us to meet up and have proper sibling talk, so we make do with a simple "Hi, how's life?" once in a while to confirm either one's not dead.
I guess that's why the conversation we had that night lasted quite an impression.
"You either be gay, or just be goddamn straight. You can't have the best of both worlds just because you claim to be confused. Ain't fucking right."
It was harsh, but then again having it come from my sister - that was probably her being sisterly. And then it occured to me what she said actually made pretty much fucking sense.
Sometimes I wonder by labelling myself bisexual, am I trying to elude myself the fact that I might very well be gay. The only kind of porn in my computer right now invovles more than one dick. The only gender I have had sex with caught the cooties. Yet the only people I had past relationships with were girls.
I don't know. Its a truly confusing ride and for me I don't like the feeling of being stuck in the same spot, reviewing the hurt over and over again. Sometimes I just evade the whole problem and try to look away. Whereas at times I pick myself out from the mess of my life, go online and hook up a guy to pleasure with a blowjob.
It ain't right, that's for sure. But making the right decisions doesn't matter as much now. I've took too many wrong steps until its getting delusional. Right from wrong just ain't as distinctive as before anymore.
Maybe one day all the truths and answers will hit me like a flying rubber meteor but for now, I simply choose to shrug it all away.
Casual words extracted from another online conversation between me and my sister. Our lives are too hectic in their own ways for us to meet up and have proper sibling talk, so we make do with a simple "Hi, how's life?" once in a while to confirm either one's not dead.
I guess that's why the conversation we had that night lasted quite an impression.
"You either be gay, or just be goddamn straight. You can't have the best of both worlds just because you claim to be confused. Ain't fucking right."
It was harsh, but then again having it come from my sister - that was probably her being sisterly. And then it occured to me what she said actually made pretty much fucking sense.
Sometimes I wonder by labelling myself bisexual, am I trying to elude myself the fact that I might very well be gay. The only kind of porn in my computer right now invovles more than one dick. The only gender I have had sex with caught the cooties. Yet the only people I had past relationships with were girls.
I don't know. Its a truly confusing ride and for me I don't like the feeling of being stuck in the same spot, reviewing the hurt over and over again. Sometimes I just evade the whole problem and try to look away. Whereas at times I pick myself out from the mess of my life, go online and hook up a guy to pleasure with a blowjob.
It ain't right, that's for sure. But making the right decisions doesn't matter as much now. I've took too many wrong steps until its getting delusional. Right from wrong just ain't as distinctive as before anymore.
Maybe one day all the truths and answers will hit me like a flying rubber meteor but for now, I simply choose to shrug it all away.