It's okay to dream, not matter your age
I'm doing my best to believe my own words.
I want so much from life - I want to learn so many languages, I want to dance prof again. I want to work towards my life-long dream of reaching the stars... If so, by creating software for it. I mourn the fact that I will never be able to gaze down on Mother Earth herself, and to space walk...
I just...
I just want so so so much for myself!
My ability of dreaming was ruthlessly killed when I was a child, but for the last 10 months, I've been on a journey of finding music that touched me so deep, that it started healing this small, helpless child that my wounded heart is. This music did something to me, and I can see how it affected me in ways nothing has been able to affect me since I was a wee baby.
But, touched me it did.
Now I feel this stirring of... of *wanting*, of longing and dreaming, and it just won't go away. I want to write, to be published, but I also want to learn ALL the languages. I want to dance again, now that my hips are healing. I want to sing pro again. I want... I want to build software for the astro-physics field, and I want to be involved in a way I never dared to allow myself to dream about, before. Hells, I even want to study maths.
I've cried many a tears over the scared, lost child I used to be. But, through this music... I've started to cry about the things I want to do, no matter how old I am, even if I feel like I lost 20-30 years of my life to PTSD, to pain, to the heartbroken belief that If would never be able to reach the stars.
I cried my soul and heart out a couple of nights ago, alone, in the darkness, because I couldn't sleep due to this soul-crushing experience of /wanting/ something for the very first time since I was a child. It hurt so much, but I feel... reborn, I guess?
Here's for being 40+ and daring to dream, eh?
I want so much from life - I want to learn so many languages, I want to dance prof again. I want to work towards my life-long dream of reaching the stars... If so, by creating software for it. I mourn the fact that I will never be able to gaze down on Mother Earth herself, and to space walk...
I just...
I just want so so so much for myself!
My ability of dreaming was ruthlessly killed when I was a child, but for the last 10 months, I've been on a journey of finding music that touched me so deep, that it started healing this small, helpless child that my wounded heart is. This music did something to me, and I can see how it affected me in ways nothing has been able to affect me since I was a wee baby.
But, touched me it did.
Now I feel this stirring of... of *wanting*, of longing and dreaming, and it just won't go away. I want to write, to be published, but I also want to learn ALL the languages. I want to dance again, now that my hips are healing. I want to sing pro again. I want... I want to build software for the astro-physics field, and I want to be involved in a way I never dared to allow myself to dream about, before. Hells, I even want to study maths.
I've cried many a tears over the scared, lost child I used to be. But, through this music... I've started to cry about the things I want to do, no matter how old I am, even if I feel like I lost 20-30 years of my life to PTSD, to pain, to the heartbroken belief that If would never be able to reach the stars.
I cried my soul and heart out a couple of nights ago, alone, in the darkness, because I couldn't sleep due to this soul-crushing experience of /wanting/ something for the very first time since I was a child. It hurt so much, but I feel... reborn, I guess?
Here's for being 40+ and daring to dream, eh?