(no subject)
they say silence is golden so where's my prize, i should feel like i'm winning. you're still grasping for the straw to break my back and still trying to trick me into picking up the phone. & for what ? the world doesn't work that way & i won't ask why you thought it would. for the first time, darling, i've been dreaming your death, & i know your heart will break before my fever. for so long i lived with what i wanted you to be & every time you fell short i bridged the gap & made up the difference, invented, this fiction. this fact: i can't do it, not anymore. now you're breathing in the ashes from the bridges i burned and coughing up threats empty as your promises. but wouldn't you have made me sick just to stand smug at my bedside, a martyr for the new millenium. wouldn't you pull the plug just for the pity ? you used to check my pulse at night and now i have to wonder why. maybe because i always held my heartbeat closer & you couldn't stand it, my ribs a cage to keep you out. my bones bars for the only prison that could keep me captive: not you, not the sorrow you fake to force the tears. not this, not anymore, i won't take the blame you throw down a challenge to be the first to anger, i won't. i can't. i told you that you would never meet another one like me and you agreed but then you wanted me to be the salt in your imaginary wounds & i won't. i can't. not anymore. you have no more excuses & i have so little time.
you knew this would happen. i know you will never forget. but i am already so far away.
you always wanted me to write you a love story & now this is the best i can come up with.