Stuff
I haven't updated my journal in so long, largely because the latter half of 2011 saw me falling victim to a horrible bout of workaholicism. It was initially 'necessary' to deal with some financial problems, but it wasn't easy to turn around the tidal wave of work once it was started. Freelance life has its traps as well as its perks. I also had some absolutely *horrible* projects to work on so life was a bit of nightmare for a while. There wasn't any time for any sort of social/relaxation life, let alone fannish life. I'm starting to recover from that now.
Despite that, there have been a couple of very significant personal changes in my life. The first is that after ten + years, I'm coming off anti-depressants. There is obviously a lot more to say about this (and I have occasionally wanted to post about it), but overall I'm very pleased with how things have gone so far, especially considering the work stress I was under simultaneously. It's by no means over yet (Effexor is such a bitch of a drug withdrawal-wise, even titrating down gradually), but I've halved my dosage (just!) over the last three-four months.
Related to this, I've started meditation and qigong practice regularly. This is absolutely changing my life, and is a huge part of what makes me feel 'safe' enough to take this big step re. the meds. For a long long time, I thought I would be a lifer on drugs. I should make it clear: the reasons I didn't want there were because of the side-effects. If I can't or couldn't recover without drugs then I wouldn't be contemplating this, but basically qigong/meditation is giving me tools that I can use with which to handle the physical/emotional/spiritual aspects of depression. There are days when I still fear it won't be possible to be drug-free, but overall I feel more optimistic than ever before.
There's a hell of a lot of emotional processing to do with all this though! I am grateful for having amazing friends and support around me.
Vividcon... I rolled over my membership, so I can, in theory, attend this year (I'm registered) but financially it's going to be a streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch. I'm not ruling anything out yet though. It's cool to see everyone getting hyped for it anyway. :) And since I got over my Club Vivid anxiety last year (memo to self: always to just do it anyway, YOU ALWAYS FORGET, DUMBFACE!), I have signed up again for this year and am having a blast with my idea. I'm not completely convinced I'll actually have a vid by the due date but the journey is fun so far. :)
This is the very very short version!
Vampire Diaries: bored now
Community ditto
The Good Wife: still love it, absolutely adore the acting and some of the writing, but think it's been patchy in terms of structure and overall plot this season
Nikita: really enjoyed the first half of the season and the Nikita and Alex character work, but Percy bores me
Dexter: Still watching (crankily, as I think the writing is horrible and I hate Dexter) due to my EPIC AND EVERLASTING affection for Deb. I'll be watching til the last hideously frustrating moment... Jennnifer Carpenter is just so mesmerising.
Downton Abbey: Loved the first season, adore Mary, but thought the second season was crap - really really hated the melodrama. The tight, intimate character work of season 1 was completely undermined.
Once Upon The Time: I got sucked into watching this thanks to
m_a_r_i_k_s flipping out about 1.7 (see her vid: Tell Me What the Rain Knows) and now I can't get back out! I foolishly told her I liked Emma best and it became a running joke that I love her and somehow this had the effect of making me fall hopelessly for Emma, and now I am stuck watching this shitty show every week. :((( I hate Rumpel and Regina and all the rest, Mary Margaret and Charming drive me mad, and I really only like Emma, Henry (and Graham), and yet ... (here's hoping I can break the hold at some point as I really don't think the signs are there that the writing will pick up, though I wish it would)
I think that's all... oh, I mainlined Veronica Mars at some stage, fell for Logan (predictably) and found Veronica a very fun character to love-hate.
In my attempt to dredge up something of interest fannishly for people, I shall relate this little story...
So I am on Skype with
m_a_r_i_k_s one day and suddenly I hear this strange scrabbling, flapping noise in the background. I jump up to see what it is, as does my slow-on-the-uptake pup. Pup and I stare in disbelief as we realise a pigeon is trapped in the kitchen, battering itself against the window. Pup immediately goes into a frenzy of barking, as I return to Skype to explain this bizarre turn of events.
Bop: OMG!! There is a PIGEON in my kitchen!!!
m_a_r_i_k_s: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA PIGEON AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHA!!!! PIGEON!!!!
Bop: *dawning realisation* SHUT UP, IT'S NOT FUNNY!
The next ten minutes or so are spent with me chasing a pigeon round the kitchen flapping a teatowel frantically, as m_a_r_i_k_s sits back and enjoys this free entertainment. I finally get the thing to scoot out the door, I retrieve the dog from the laundry, where I had banished him, and I flop back down on the sofa to resume our conversation.
Just as my heartbeat is returning to normal and I am managing to join in at least *some* of the BSG joking, I hear a noise that makes me think I'm in some kind of Groundhog Day scenario: Yup, PIGEON MARK #2. TWO PIGEONS!!
Bop: Wait .... ::horrified face:: ... I think there is ANOTHER ONE!
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::completely loses it::
Bop: ...
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::pulls herself together enough to offer some backseat-pigeon-wrangling:: I really think you should get a broom this time!
Apparently the first pigeon was not sufficiently reminiscent of BSG: Pigeon #2 was trapped in my bathroom, which has a skylight and a very high ceiling, and so the scuffling around did indeed bear uncanny resemblance to a certain much-hated scene. There was also a lot more swearing the second time. And once I finally got it out, the damn bird just flopped tiredly on the back decking and I had to go outside and flap some more at it.
Bop: OMG, JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!!!!!!
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::still lol-ing::
The weirdest thing is that both pigeons must have been in the house for some time because I hadn't opened any doors or windows for hours. Somehow they got in and stayed quiet until those *particular* moments. Who knew pigeons had such finely tuned timing?
I should add that ever since this incident my dog will regularly trot into the bathroom optimistically looking for pigeons. His little dog mind now thinks: PIGEONS--CAN EMANATE AT ANY TIME FROM BATHROOM! I've tried explaining to him that they're just bad metaphors, but he isn't having any of it. ;)
This entry was originally posted at http://bop-radar.dreamwidth.org/241151.html.
comments Comment here or there, as you will.
Despite that, there have been a couple of very significant personal changes in my life. The first is that after ten + years, I'm coming off anti-depressants. There is obviously a lot more to say about this (and I have occasionally wanted to post about it), but overall I'm very pleased with how things have gone so far, especially considering the work stress I was under simultaneously. It's by no means over yet (Effexor is such a bitch of a drug withdrawal-wise, even titrating down gradually), but I've halved my dosage (just!) over the last three-four months.
Related to this, I've started meditation and qigong practice regularly. This is absolutely changing my life, and is a huge part of what makes me feel 'safe' enough to take this big step re. the meds. For a long long time, I thought I would be a lifer on drugs. I should make it clear: the reasons I didn't want there were because of the side-effects. If I can't or couldn't recover without drugs then I wouldn't be contemplating this, but basically qigong/meditation is giving me tools that I can use with which to handle the physical/emotional/spiritual aspects of depression. There are days when I still fear it won't be possible to be drug-free, but overall I feel more optimistic than ever before.
There's a hell of a lot of emotional processing to do with all this though! I am grateful for having amazing friends and support around me.
Vividcon... I rolled over my membership, so I can, in theory, attend this year (I'm registered) but financially it's going to be a streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch. I'm not ruling anything out yet though. It's cool to see everyone getting hyped for it anyway. :) And since I got over my Club Vivid anxiety last year (memo to self: always to just do it anyway, YOU ALWAYS FORGET, DUMBFACE!), I have signed up again for this year and am having a blast with my idea. I'm not completely convinced I'll actually have a vid by the due date but the journey is fun so far. :)
This is the very very short version!
Vampire Diaries: bored now
Community ditto
The Good Wife: still love it, absolutely adore the acting and some of the writing, but think it's been patchy in terms of structure and overall plot this season
Nikita: really enjoyed the first half of the season and the Nikita and Alex character work, but Percy bores me
Dexter: Still watching (crankily, as I think the writing is horrible and I hate Dexter) due to my EPIC AND EVERLASTING affection for Deb. I'll be watching til the last hideously frustrating moment... Jennnifer Carpenter is just so mesmerising.
Downton Abbey: Loved the first season, adore Mary, but thought the second season was crap - really really hated the melodrama. The tight, intimate character work of season 1 was completely undermined.
Once Upon The Time: I got sucked into watching this thanks to
m_a_r_i_k_s flipping out about 1.7 (see her vid: Tell Me What the Rain Knows) and now I can't get back out! I foolishly told her I liked Emma best and it became a running joke that I love her and somehow this had the effect of making me fall hopelessly for Emma, and now I am stuck watching this shitty show every week. :((( I hate Rumpel and Regina and all the rest, Mary Margaret and Charming drive me mad, and I really only like Emma, Henry (and Graham), and yet ... (here's hoping I can break the hold at some point as I really don't think the signs are there that the writing will pick up, though I wish it would)
I think that's all... oh, I mainlined Veronica Mars at some stage, fell for Logan (predictably) and found Veronica a very fun character to love-hate.
In my attempt to dredge up something of interest fannishly for people, I shall relate this little story...
So I am on Skype with
m_a_r_i_k_s one day and suddenly I hear this strange scrabbling, flapping noise in the background. I jump up to see what it is, as does my slow-on-the-uptake pup. Pup and I stare in disbelief as we realise a pigeon is trapped in the kitchen, battering itself against the window. Pup immediately goes into a frenzy of barking, as I return to Skype to explain this bizarre turn of events.
Bop: OMG!! There is a PIGEON in my kitchen!!!
m_a_r_i_k_s: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA PIGEON AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHA!!!! PIGEON!!!!
Bop: *dawning realisation* SHUT UP, IT'S NOT FUNNY!
The next ten minutes or so are spent with me chasing a pigeon round the kitchen flapping a teatowel frantically, as m_a_r_i_k_s sits back and enjoys this free entertainment. I finally get the thing to scoot out the door, I retrieve the dog from the laundry, where I had banished him, and I flop back down on the sofa to resume our conversation.
Just as my heartbeat is returning to normal and I am managing to join in at least *some* of the BSG joking, I hear a noise that makes me think I'm in some kind of Groundhog Day scenario: Yup, PIGEON MARK #2. TWO PIGEONS!!
Bop: Wait .... ::horrified face:: ... I think there is ANOTHER ONE!
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::completely loses it::
Bop: ...
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::pulls herself together enough to offer some backseat-pigeon-wrangling:: I really think you should get a broom this time!
Apparently the first pigeon was not sufficiently reminiscent of BSG: Pigeon #2 was trapped in my bathroom, which has a skylight and a very high ceiling, and so the scuffling around did indeed bear uncanny resemblance to a certain much-hated scene. There was also a lot more swearing the second time. And once I finally got it out, the damn bird just flopped tiredly on the back decking and I had to go outside and flap some more at it.
Bop: OMG, JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!!!!!!
m_a_r_i_k_s: ::still lol-ing::
The weirdest thing is that both pigeons must have been in the house for some time because I hadn't opened any doors or windows for hours. Somehow they got in and stayed quiet until those *particular* moments. Who knew pigeons had such finely tuned timing?
I should add that ever since this incident my dog will regularly trot into the bathroom optimistically looking for pigeons. His little dog mind now thinks: PIGEONS--CAN EMANATE AT ANY TIME FROM BATHROOM! I've tried explaining to him that they're just bad metaphors, but he isn't having any of it. ;)
This entry was originally posted at http://bop-radar.dreamwidth.org/241151.html.
comments Comment here or there, as you will.