It Lives!
So, yeah, here I am. I still exist.
I've recovered from the foot surgery. I'm on my own two feet again and even venturing out to walk around downtown running various errands. I've arranged for the subsidized bus pass, so starting on July 1, I have free run of the city (more or less) for half the normal bus pass cost. Not too bad, really.
All of that I could have reported on any old time over the past few weeks, or, for that matter, anytime in the forseeable future. However, there is one thing I did today that I've been contemplating for many, many years now... I rented an acoustic guitar from the local music store.
Having to stop playing cello and bass back when I was a teenager, well, it hurt like hell. Gonna take a lot of therapy to deal with all that shit. I became an active listener & collector of recordings, and regular customer at places that had live music, trying to fill the void somehow. It filled my time, filled my ears, and opened my mind, but never came close to touching that emptiness in my soul. My music was the way I expressed emotion. In my world, where showing emotion was a sign of weakness, I could let out all the pain, the anxiety, the loneliness, and joy when I sat down and played. I've needed to do that for decades, literally. For various reasons I will not get into, I never tried playing a different instrument. I regret not trying sooner, but, honestly, I probably wasn't ready for it.
Hell, I don't know if I'm ready for the flood of emotion that might hit me when I start playing. I don't even know if I can play the guitar - I'll see how my hands and fingers react over the next month. I can tell right now that I need to work on calluses again.
I'll be chattering away about this off and on all month, I'm sure. I wish I could tell my parents about this move forward, but I know that they wouldn't see it that way, so I'll hold off for now. Oh well.
In any case, I'm going to try and be here more regularly. Gotta try and catch up with all the shenanigans you all have been up to over the last while.
I've recovered from the foot surgery. I'm on my own two feet again and even venturing out to walk around downtown running various errands. I've arranged for the subsidized bus pass, so starting on July 1, I have free run of the city (more or less) for half the normal bus pass cost. Not too bad, really.
All of that I could have reported on any old time over the past few weeks, or, for that matter, anytime in the forseeable future. However, there is one thing I did today that I've been contemplating for many, many years now... I rented an acoustic guitar from the local music store.
Having to stop playing cello and bass back when I was a teenager, well, it hurt like hell. Gonna take a lot of therapy to deal with all that shit. I became an active listener & collector of recordings, and regular customer at places that had live music, trying to fill the void somehow. It filled my time, filled my ears, and opened my mind, but never came close to touching that emptiness in my soul. My music was the way I expressed emotion. In my world, where showing emotion was a sign of weakness, I could let out all the pain, the anxiety, the loneliness, and joy when I sat down and played. I've needed to do that for decades, literally. For various reasons I will not get into, I never tried playing a different instrument. I regret not trying sooner, but, honestly, I probably wasn't ready for it.
Hell, I don't know if I'm ready for the flood of emotion that might hit me when I start playing. I don't even know if I can play the guitar - I'll see how my hands and fingers react over the next month. I can tell right now that I need to work on calluses again.
I'll be chattering away about this off and on all month, I'm sure. I wish I could tell my parents about this move forward, but I know that they wouldn't see it that way, so I'll hold off for now. Oh well.
In any case, I'm going to try and be here more regularly. Gotta try and catch up with all the shenanigans you all have been up to over the last while.