The Homeland
The Streak:
The streak has come to and end. I have finally skipped a class. In my 3 and a ½ semesters at Lasell College, I have never once missed a class. That’s counting illness, other commitments, and hangovers. It’s not so much that I care about school. I’m not a great student so I feel that if I go to all my classes my professors will be more inclined to pass me based on me always being there…and the fact that I put out. I skipped my Effective Speaking class so I would be able to kick off my Spring Break early. Where did I go for spring break you ask? Montreal, Canada.
Oh Canada:
I am ¾ French. Much of that is French Canadian, so I was pumped to be going back to The Homeland. We left promptly at 1:00 but made a detour at Wal-Mart for supplies that set us back an hour. The drive up was pretty uneventful. I say uneventful because a majority of it was spent driving through Vermont. The sign for entering Vermont couldn’t have been blander, which I thought was ironic considering how outrageously awesome Vermont was.
We crossed the border with ease. Dan had recommended we buy our booze at the Duty Free Shop. Unfortunately Dan forgot to mention that the Duty Free Shop was on the other side of the highway. So we parked at the border and walked over to it. Once we loaded the car up a Mountie came over and scolded us. I didn’t realize it was a Mountie right away though. It just looked like some sweaty guy in a black coat. I was expecting something along the lines of this:
Crusin’ For a Boozin’:
After arriving at the hotel and unpacking we decided that we should cook some dinner, but first we need to make booze run. Kimball, Vickie, and Blake bought from this expensive lavish high-end liquor store, while Tin and I bought beer from a Japanese man who spoke French.
Stupid Vinny:
After dinner and some drinking I had gotten in touch with Vinny who was on almost the same identical trip that I was. He went up the same day as me, left the same day as me, and was staying 6 minutes from where I was staying. So we all decided to meet up with Vinny and his crew. If any of you remember the Stupid Vinny post I made you will know before hand that he isn’t the brains of our group. He called to let me know what bar he was at. I asked him where it was and he told me “on the corner of St. Catharine’s…and Burger.” The problem with those directions is that there is no Street named Burger. There was a Burger King on the corner, but no Street named Burger. Stupid Vinny
The girls were also a problem as well. Unfortunately for Blake and I, the girls we were with were stereotypical girls (and by stereotypical girls I mean they are not smart) and forgot their I.D’s. So they went back to the room while Blake and I hung out with Vinny for a little bit. After consuming a pitcher in about 10 minutes I had a fun walk back to the hotel with Blake. To make a long story short I puked on some guys bicycle. Showed him.
Southern Comfort:
After waking up the next morning I realized that I might have purchased too much booze. I merely wanted a few drinks here and there but realized if I didn’t get my act together quickly I would have wasted $35. So Tin and I started cooking lunch (and by cooking I mean I put squiggles in a toaster) so I cracked open a brew with Blake and we dedicated the next 3 hours to heavy drinking. After lunch the women left to go shop. The men stayed in and drank, watched Family Guy, and had a dance party to sandstorm.
Unfortunately the dance party led to a noise complaint. That kind of stuff is expected though when you listen to Sandstorm. As the story goes, the family next door was from Tennessee. So Blake (who is stationed in Georgia) starts laying on the southern accent and charms the pants off of them. They are so impressed with him being in the service that they want to take him out to dinner. So the ladies and I go around the block while Blake proceeds to get 8 beers and a $33 steak out of them.
Crescent St. (The Blue Light Special):
After our meal we waited for Blake back at the room, and once he arrive we were off to Crescent St. Crescent St. is their main street. It’s where all the bars are and apparently where all the strip clubs are. It seemed like every third building was either a porn store, a porn booth, a dirty movie theater, or a strip club. It was decided that the ladies would find a club and dance and drink for a little bit while Blake and I went to a strip club. Not just any strip club though, a “full contact” strip club. After leaving the girls we had 2 options. Take a left and go back the way we came where we saw plenty of places that promised boobs, or take a right and venture. I chose to go right simply because I saw a sign that said “Amusement”. In my book “Amusement” means “tits.” Unfortunately in their book it meant Crusin’ U.S.A because it turns out that place was an arcade. The place next to it however had promises of XXX activity. After a flight of stairs Blake and I were smack-dab in the middle of a jerk pad. Turns out this place is where you go if you would like to pay someone to let you jerk off in a room no bigger then a closet. After laughing at some sleazy French dude in an overcoat Blake and I kindly left.
We decided to back track. I’d like to say that with all the sleaze on these streets (when I say sleaze I mean there are screens above the logo to the clubs with full porno movies going) we took our time in picking the right strip club. Truth is we just went into the first one we saw. But they were playing Soulfly so it couldn’t have been all bad. Come to think of it that was an odd music choice for a strip club. Once we get in there and sat down, Blake gets pulled away but what I’m guessing was a stripper. He disappeared for about 15 minutes, or as I calculated it 3 Guns & Roses songs. It’s also a weird feeling to bump into a woman, than realize she was trying to get around you so she could get naked on stage.
Blake returned from his $40 dollar private lap dance and we exited. While outside a man with a guitar started talking to Blake and gave him a blue card. Apparently the guy recommended a place was called “Corps a Corps” and was a “massage” parlor. The man told Blake it was around the corner. We turn the corner and see this blue light pouring out of a door way. Blake still wasn’t sure which place was it. I don’t know if my description can do this place justice. The door for the entrance was in a stairwell. While there was a bunch of blue light pouring out, there was no blue light in the stairwell. There was however camera’s at every floor. There were 4 floors and not a single door until you reached the 4th floor. When you finally get to the top you notice you are in an empty bar. There are chairs set up in front of a stage and the only people in there are you, the “bartender” and some girl wearing a fishnet body suit with nothing underneath. This guy was not shy about what they did at all. If you were in the states you would be talking in code. Blake asked “So what do you guys do here?” The man replies with “We sell sex, $100 hand job, $130 blowjob, $150 full service.” Blake asks him to repeat. I thought Blake just wanted to hear the guy say hand job again because he said it funny (due to his thick accent). The man repeats his speech, after he is done I look at him and say “too rich for my blood”, and I leave. Blake stays and thinks about it for a few seconds, but leaves as well. We end up meeting up with the girls at the club.
At the club a guy ends up walking up to Kimball and Tin and starts flirting with them. I’m in this circle as well and start to feel kind of left out. So I start flirting with him. Kimball and Tin start getting the biggest kick out of it. They decide that they have had enough and that they want to leave and since I had to be up in a few hours to drive back (since we left early Sunday morning so Vicki could make her flight) I decided that I would escort them back. I inform Blake and Vicki that we are using the buddy system and that they are now buddies. Unfortunately Blake likes to get drunk and wander away. So after arriving back at the hotel, we get a frantic phone call form Vicki trying to figure out where Blake is and her not knowing how to get to the hotel. We instruct Vicki to take a cab back and not to worry about Blake. Vicki and Blake both make it back safe but separately. Funny thing is Vicki’s cab was $25 and Blake’s was $10…psh, women.
The Streak 2.0:
We ended up heading out early Sunday morning. I would say the drive back was uneventful but another streak came to an end. I was pulled over for the first time and given a speeding ticket. I was going 81mph in a 65mph. Fucking Vermont; I hated that place since the beginning
To Montreal
The streak has come to and end. I have finally skipped a class. In my 3 and a ½ semesters at Lasell College, I have never once missed a class. That’s counting illness, other commitments, and hangovers. It’s not so much that I care about school. I’m not a great student so I feel that if I go to all my classes my professors will be more inclined to pass me based on me always being there…and the fact that I put out. I skipped my Effective Speaking class so I would be able to kick off my Spring Break early. Where did I go for spring break you ask? Montreal, Canada.
Oh Canada:
I am ¾ French. Much of that is French Canadian, so I was pumped to be going back to The Homeland. We left promptly at 1:00 but made a detour at Wal-Mart for supplies that set us back an hour. The drive up was pretty uneventful. I say uneventful because a majority of it was spent driving through Vermont. The sign for entering Vermont couldn’t have been blander, which I thought was ironic considering how outrageously awesome Vermont was.
We crossed the border with ease. Dan had recommended we buy our booze at the Duty Free Shop. Unfortunately Dan forgot to mention that the Duty Free Shop was on the other side of the highway. So we parked at the border and walked over to it. Once we loaded the car up a Mountie came over and scolded us. I didn’t realize it was a Mountie right away though. It just looked like some sweaty guy in a black coat. I was expecting something along the lines of this:
Crusin’ For a Boozin’:
After arriving at the hotel and unpacking we decided that we should cook some dinner, but first we need to make booze run. Kimball, Vickie, and Blake bought from this expensive lavish high-end liquor store, while Tin and I bought beer from a Japanese man who spoke French.
Stupid Vinny:
After dinner and some drinking I had gotten in touch with Vinny who was on almost the same identical trip that I was. He went up the same day as me, left the same day as me, and was staying 6 minutes from where I was staying. So we all decided to meet up with Vinny and his crew. If any of you remember the Stupid Vinny post I made you will know before hand that he isn’t the brains of our group. He called to let me know what bar he was at. I asked him where it was and he told me “on the corner of St. Catharine’s…and Burger.” The problem with those directions is that there is no Street named Burger. There was a Burger King on the corner, but no Street named Burger. Stupid Vinny
The girls were also a problem as well. Unfortunately for Blake and I, the girls we were with were stereotypical girls (and by stereotypical girls I mean they are not smart) and forgot their I.D’s. So they went back to the room while Blake and I hung out with Vinny for a little bit. After consuming a pitcher in about 10 minutes I had a fun walk back to the hotel with Blake. To make a long story short I puked on some guys bicycle. Showed him.
Southern Comfort:
After waking up the next morning I realized that I might have purchased too much booze. I merely wanted a few drinks here and there but realized if I didn’t get my act together quickly I would have wasted $35. So Tin and I started cooking lunch (and by cooking I mean I put squiggles in a toaster) so I cracked open a brew with Blake and we dedicated the next 3 hours to heavy drinking. After lunch the women left to go shop. The men stayed in and drank, watched Family Guy, and had a dance party to sandstorm.
Unfortunately the dance party led to a noise complaint. That kind of stuff is expected though when you listen to Sandstorm. As the story goes, the family next door was from Tennessee. So Blake (who is stationed in Georgia) starts laying on the southern accent and charms the pants off of them. They are so impressed with him being in the service that they want to take him out to dinner. So the ladies and I go around the block while Blake proceeds to get 8 beers and a $33 steak out of them.
Crescent St. (The Blue Light Special):
After our meal we waited for Blake back at the room, and once he arrive we were off to Crescent St. Crescent St. is their main street. It’s where all the bars are and apparently where all the strip clubs are. It seemed like every third building was either a porn store, a porn booth, a dirty movie theater, or a strip club. It was decided that the ladies would find a club and dance and drink for a little bit while Blake and I went to a strip club. Not just any strip club though, a “full contact” strip club. After leaving the girls we had 2 options. Take a left and go back the way we came where we saw plenty of places that promised boobs, or take a right and venture. I chose to go right simply because I saw a sign that said “Amusement”. In my book “Amusement” means “tits.” Unfortunately in their book it meant Crusin’ U.S.A because it turns out that place was an arcade. The place next to it however had promises of XXX activity. After a flight of stairs Blake and I were smack-dab in the middle of a jerk pad. Turns out this place is where you go if you would like to pay someone to let you jerk off in a room no bigger then a closet. After laughing at some sleazy French dude in an overcoat Blake and I kindly left.
We decided to back track. I’d like to say that with all the sleaze on these streets (when I say sleaze I mean there are screens above the logo to the clubs with full porno movies going) we took our time in picking the right strip club. Truth is we just went into the first one we saw. But they were playing Soulfly so it couldn’t have been all bad. Come to think of it that was an odd music choice for a strip club. Once we get in there and sat down, Blake gets pulled away but what I’m guessing was a stripper. He disappeared for about 15 minutes, or as I calculated it 3 Guns & Roses songs. It’s also a weird feeling to bump into a woman, than realize she was trying to get around you so she could get naked on stage.
Blake returned from his $40 dollar private lap dance and we exited. While outside a man with a guitar started talking to Blake and gave him a blue card. Apparently the guy recommended a place was called “Corps a Corps” and was a “massage” parlor. The man told Blake it was around the corner. We turn the corner and see this blue light pouring out of a door way. Blake still wasn’t sure which place was it. I don’t know if my description can do this place justice. The door for the entrance was in a stairwell. While there was a bunch of blue light pouring out, there was no blue light in the stairwell. There was however camera’s at every floor. There were 4 floors and not a single door until you reached the 4th floor. When you finally get to the top you notice you are in an empty bar. There are chairs set up in front of a stage and the only people in there are you, the “bartender” and some girl wearing a fishnet body suit with nothing underneath. This guy was not shy about what they did at all. If you were in the states you would be talking in code. Blake asked “So what do you guys do here?” The man replies with “We sell sex, $100 hand job, $130 blowjob, $150 full service.” Blake asks him to repeat. I thought Blake just wanted to hear the guy say hand job again because he said it funny (due to his thick accent). The man repeats his speech, after he is done I look at him and say “too rich for my blood”, and I leave. Blake stays and thinks about it for a few seconds, but leaves as well. We end up meeting up with the girls at the club.
At the club a guy ends up walking up to Kimball and Tin and starts flirting with them. I’m in this circle as well and start to feel kind of left out. So I start flirting with him. Kimball and Tin start getting the biggest kick out of it. They decide that they have had enough and that they want to leave and since I had to be up in a few hours to drive back (since we left early Sunday morning so Vicki could make her flight) I decided that I would escort them back. I inform Blake and Vicki that we are using the buddy system and that they are now buddies. Unfortunately Blake likes to get drunk and wander away. So after arriving back at the hotel, we get a frantic phone call form Vicki trying to figure out where Blake is and her not knowing how to get to the hotel. We instruct Vicki to take a cab back and not to worry about Blake. Vicki and Blake both make it back safe but separately. Funny thing is Vicki’s cab was $25 and Blake’s was $10…psh, women.
The Streak 2.0:
We ended up heading out early Sunday morning. I would say the drive back was uneventful but another streak came to an end. I was pulled over for the first time and given a speeding ticket. I was going 81mph in a 65mph. Fucking Vermont; I hated that place since the beginning
To Montreal