Cool Plaza
Summer came and summer went. I had many awesome adventures. Saturday night was my final adventure and it did not disappoint.
Justin and I went to the Hampton Beach Casino to see George Carlin. Neither Justin nor I have ever driven to Hampton Beach before. So while driving we did get a little lost, but found our way again very easily. I know, a history of things working out.
Hampton has more relaxed laws then Massachusetts. It’s like our own little Vegas. While driving we drove by something that we labeled “Cool Plaza”. All in this plaza was a tattoo parlor, a weapons shop, a smoke shop, and a porn store… “Cool Plaza”. We decided that we were a little ahead of schedule so we decided to turn around and give “Cool Plaza” a chance.
We went into the porn shop and this place blew (no pun intended) anything Gallo had out of the water. We walk in and are just stunned at all the massive amounts of smut surrounding us. We were so stunned that we were completely oblivious to the fact that we were standing in the Tranny section. Once we figured it out we started to wander and this attractive girl who was wearing a very revealing top walked up to Justin and I. We figured she was an employee. She asked us if we had ever been here before. We of course inform her that we hadn’t. She then asks if we would like a free demo of the fantasy booth. At this point I had to do everything I could to keep from giggling. As professionally as I could, I informed her “Yes, the fantasy booth sounds delightful”. The only catch was that only one of us could do at a time. This wasn’t a problem as I played the good friend role and let Justin go first. So we walk towards the curtain and she tells me to wait there. I’m fine with that until I realized that I was standing in the Dildo aisle. That’s right, not section, ASILE. So about 3 minutes go by and Justin emerges and tells me “We need to get out of here.” After leaving he tells me the story…
“She brought me into this room and had me sit down on this chair. I put my arms on the arm rests at first, then I quickly moved my arms once I realized what had happened on this chair. She then shows me a camera and demonstrates how to use the zoom button. Once she has shown me how to zoom she goes into the room next to ours. It was like an interrogation room with the glass wall for the other room so you could see into it. Once she gets in she asks me for money. I ask her if that was the free demo and she says yup…after a few seconds of nodding my head I go ‘well bye’. She responds with ‘You don’t want a dance?’ ‘Not if I have to pay. Bye’. The entire night he was really pissed off that he didn’t see any tits. Who can blame him, when someone says free demo you have certain expectations.
So we went into the weapons shop and I found a fucking Baterang. An official Batman Forever Baterang. It had finger holes so I could use it like brass knuckles. I decided not to get it because I didn’t want to break 2 20’s on it. I figured since I am going to Hampton Beach I could find it cheaper.
We finally made it to Hampton Beach and it took me about 20 minutes to parallel park. We saw George Carlin and it was awesome. I got a Carlin poster that is “An Incomplete List of Impolite Words: 2,443 Filthy Words and Phrases Compiled by George Carlin.” It’s pretty rock.
Well I am back at school. The room is cool, but then again I am saying that because I don’t have to share it yet. I have some of my stuff set up but I haven’t had a lot of time to unpack. The TV and ps2 and computer are on one side of the room with my bed being on the other side of the room in the window corner. I’m still not sure what I am going to do with the bed yet.
We are living in foreigner central right now though. While moving in there was a pack of Brazilians watching me and my family move things. One of them wandered over to the door and just stared at us. I thought he had to get up stairs so I held the door for him. Nope, didn’t flinch. The only complaint about Campus Center is that you have to use your key card everywhere. I feel like a government official. Key in at the door, key in when you get to the top of the stair, key in at the elevator, key in once you get off the elevator, key into your room.
The news isn’t all bad though. That delightful Slurpie Steve has provided a great deal of entertainment already. Mare and I were about to go into Forest (one of the suites) and he walks out and gives me a big hug as it’s the first time he has seen me in 3 months. He then tells me the story about how he stole a mattress. He called building and grounds and asked for a brand new mattress. They of course denied him one saying they didn’t have any extra this year. So he went into Woodland (my old dorm) and saw as he put it “about 10 mattresses.” As the story goes, Slurp stole one of the 10 mattresses and carried it all the way to Forest. Slurp is about 5’2 maybe 89 lbs with a brick in his pocket. I highly doubt he was able to carry a mattress all the way across campus. And not to mention the fact that the mattress was in Greg’s suite which is on the 3rd floor. So he lugged it up about 4 flights of stairs too. And this is without anyone seeing him.
So once he has finished bragging I tell him “that’s pretty funny Slurp, because when Mare and I were walking here we saw a cop go bye with his windows down and heard on the radio that they were looking for a missing mattress” Slurp has some doubts at first but then quickly gets to panicking. He asks me what he should do and I told him the only thing he really can do is bring it back to Woodland. He then asks what about the cops, they will be looking for him. I tell him his best bet is to wait for the cover of darkness. Set your alarm for like 4 in the morning and lug it over then. I convinced Slurp to lug his mattress back to Woodland at 4 in the morning. A day goes by and apparently Mike put the fear of god into him too with the mattress and police. So a day later Slurp comes up to Greg’s suite with all of us in there and asks Greg to help him bring the mattress downstairs, “his dad’s van is here”. I start laughing and Rommie Dan flips out on Slurp and tells him he’s an idiot for believing us. Slurp leaves and Mike and I get the same idea, we decided to put Slurps mattress on his door so when he opens it, it falls on it him. Mikes only fear was that if the mattress fell on him, it would crush him. So we put the mattress up with cops roaming the building. Only to find out the next day that the mattress broke Slurps arm.
…well not really, but wouldn’t that have been cool?
~So Long Bitchez
Justin and I went to the Hampton Beach Casino to see George Carlin. Neither Justin nor I have ever driven to Hampton Beach before. So while driving we did get a little lost, but found our way again very easily. I know, a history of things working out.
Hampton has more relaxed laws then Massachusetts. It’s like our own little Vegas. While driving we drove by something that we labeled “Cool Plaza”. All in this plaza was a tattoo parlor, a weapons shop, a smoke shop, and a porn store… “Cool Plaza”. We decided that we were a little ahead of schedule so we decided to turn around and give “Cool Plaza” a chance.
We went into the porn shop and this place blew (no pun intended) anything Gallo had out of the water. We walk in and are just stunned at all the massive amounts of smut surrounding us. We were so stunned that we were completely oblivious to the fact that we were standing in the Tranny section. Once we figured it out we started to wander and this attractive girl who was wearing a very revealing top walked up to Justin and I. We figured she was an employee. She asked us if we had ever been here before. We of course inform her that we hadn’t. She then asks if we would like a free demo of the fantasy booth. At this point I had to do everything I could to keep from giggling. As professionally as I could, I informed her “Yes, the fantasy booth sounds delightful”. The only catch was that only one of us could do at a time. This wasn’t a problem as I played the good friend role and let Justin go first. So we walk towards the curtain and she tells me to wait there. I’m fine with that until I realized that I was standing in the Dildo aisle. That’s right, not section, ASILE. So about 3 minutes go by and Justin emerges and tells me “We need to get out of here.” After leaving he tells me the story…
“She brought me into this room and had me sit down on this chair. I put my arms on the arm rests at first, then I quickly moved my arms once I realized what had happened on this chair. She then shows me a camera and demonstrates how to use the zoom button. Once she has shown me how to zoom she goes into the room next to ours. It was like an interrogation room with the glass wall for the other room so you could see into it. Once she gets in she asks me for money. I ask her if that was the free demo and she says yup…after a few seconds of nodding my head I go ‘well bye’. She responds with ‘You don’t want a dance?’ ‘Not if I have to pay. Bye’. The entire night he was really pissed off that he didn’t see any tits. Who can blame him, when someone says free demo you have certain expectations.
So we went into the weapons shop and I found a fucking Baterang. An official Batman Forever Baterang. It had finger holes so I could use it like brass knuckles. I decided not to get it because I didn’t want to break 2 20’s on it. I figured since I am going to Hampton Beach I could find it cheaper.
We finally made it to Hampton Beach and it took me about 20 minutes to parallel park. We saw George Carlin and it was awesome. I got a Carlin poster that is “An Incomplete List of Impolite Words: 2,443 Filthy Words and Phrases Compiled by George Carlin.” It’s pretty rock.
Well I am back at school. The room is cool, but then again I am saying that because I don’t have to share it yet. I have some of my stuff set up but I haven’t had a lot of time to unpack. The TV and ps2 and computer are on one side of the room with my bed being on the other side of the room in the window corner. I’m still not sure what I am going to do with the bed yet.
We are living in foreigner central right now though. While moving in there was a pack of Brazilians watching me and my family move things. One of them wandered over to the door and just stared at us. I thought he had to get up stairs so I held the door for him. Nope, didn’t flinch. The only complaint about Campus Center is that you have to use your key card everywhere. I feel like a government official. Key in at the door, key in when you get to the top of the stair, key in at the elevator, key in once you get off the elevator, key into your room.
The news isn’t all bad though. That delightful Slurpie Steve has provided a great deal of entertainment already. Mare and I were about to go into Forest (one of the suites) and he walks out and gives me a big hug as it’s the first time he has seen me in 3 months. He then tells me the story about how he stole a mattress. He called building and grounds and asked for a brand new mattress. They of course denied him one saying they didn’t have any extra this year. So he went into Woodland (my old dorm) and saw as he put it “about 10 mattresses.” As the story goes, Slurp stole one of the 10 mattresses and carried it all the way to Forest. Slurp is about 5’2 maybe 89 lbs with a brick in his pocket. I highly doubt he was able to carry a mattress all the way across campus. And not to mention the fact that the mattress was in Greg’s suite which is on the 3rd floor. So he lugged it up about 4 flights of stairs too. And this is without anyone seeing him.
So once he has finished bragging I tell him “that’s pretty funny Slurp, because when Mare and I were walking here we saw a cop go bye with his windows down and heard on the radio that they were looking for a missing mattress” Slurp has some doubts at first but then quickly gets to panicking. He asks me what he should do and I told him the only thing he really can do is bring it back to Woodland. He then asks what about the cops, they will be looking for him. I tell him his best bet is to wait for the cover of darkness. Set your alarm for like 4 in the morning and lug it over then. I convinced Slurp to lug his mattress back to Woodland at 4 in the morning. A day goes by and apparently Mike put the fear of god into him too with the mattress and police. So a day later Slurp comes up to Greg’s suite with all of us in there and asks Greg to help him bring the mattress downstairs, “his dad’s van is here”. I start laughing and Rommie Dan flips out on Slurp and tells him he’s an idiot for believing us. Slurp leaves and Mike and I get the same idea, we decided to put Slurps mattress on his door so when he opens it, it falls on it him. Mikes only fear was that if the mattress fell on him, it would crush him. So we put the mattress up with cops roaming the building. Only to find out the next day that the mattress broke Slurps arm.
…well not really, but wouldn’t that have been cool?
~So Long Bitchez