(no subject)
I thought i would brighten up yo bizzies new yurr by telling some jokes on livejournal for all to enjoy. well here i go.
ahem.
There was an old couple celebrating their 40th anniversery (i can't spell) but they were having an argument. the old man tells his wife, "when you die, i'm going to get you a head stone that reads 'here lies my wife, cold as ever." the old women turns around and says, "oh yeah? well when YOU die i'm going to get you a head stone that reads, 'here lies my husband stiff at last"
Q>Why did the blonde nurse take a red maker to work?
A> In case she had to draw some blood. hahaha
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
A hsuband says to his wife, "you know i'm going to take a picture of your breasts and frame them."
The wife then says " then i'll take a picture of you penis and enlarge it." Needless to say that was the end of the discussion.
One day a blonde was putting a puzzle together but was getting very frstrated. "its supposed to be a tiger!" she wailed. her husband came up and said, "honey put the frosted flakes back in the box."
so there you all go, happy new yurr.
ahem.
There was an old couple celebrating their 40th anniversery (i can't spell) but they were having an argument. the old man tells his wife, "when you die, i'm going to get you a head stone that reads 'here lies my wife, cold as ever." the old women turns around and says, "oh yeah? well when YOU die i'm going to get you a head stone that reads, 'here lies my husband stiff at last"
Q>Why did the blonde nurse take a red maker to work?
A> In case she had to draw some blood. hahaha
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
A hsuband says to his wife, "you know i'm going to take a picture of your breasts and frame them."
The wife then says " then i'll take a picture of you penis and enlarge it." Needless to say that was the end of the discussion.
One day a blonde was putting a puzzle together but was getting very frstrated. "its supposed to be a tiger!" she wailed. her husband came up and said, "honey put the frosted flakes back in the box."
so there you all go, happy new yurr.