(no subject)
I found an English language newspaper today. In the obituaries, it said that William S. Burroughs had died a few days back.
And my first thought was 'Well, that's the last of them.'
And my second thought was 'Well, I suppose he's not coming back from Tangiers, now is he? It's sinister.'
Then I read that he died in Kansas, and I felt horribly let down for a second.
Then it hit me how little it mattered now, of course, but still.
I'm not coming back. I said it the other day and I meant it. Unless something happens to change my mind...school's not that important. And there's nothing that matters on that level, really, and it's not like anyone would really care if I was gone.
And for the moment I am both young and alive, and some day I will be neither, and I've got to fill up the time in the middle, I suppose. And I don't want to do it stupidly.
And my NEWTs aren't worth my life.
I mean, come on. Someone give me one single solitary good reason to return. It's impossible.
Of course, I don't want to stay in Warsaw, either. It's very boring, actually, especially if you don't speak Polish. (Though, given that its a city more than twice as large as Newcastle, I really don't want to think about that much.) And I can't really think of anywhere in particular I want to go right now...well, that I could get to, anyway. Maybe back to Prague. Possibly.
In fact, I don't think I want to do much of anything. And anything I might want to do I don't think I want to tell the lot of you all about.
I don't really want to do anything at all. Nothing I could do, at least. I mean, I want a lot, and I always do, and I always will, but I never want anything I could just be offered or just walk up and take and hold up proudly. And if I ever do get something like that, it almost always goes sour.
Here's to feeling adrift, I suppose.
And my first thought was 'Well, that's the last of them.'
And my second thought was 'Well, I suppose he's not coming back from Tangiers, now is he? It's sinister.'
Then I read that he died in Kansas, and I felt horribly let down for a second.
Then it hit me how little it mattered now, of course, but still.
I'm not coming back. I said it the other day and I meant it. Unless something happens to change my mind...school's not that important. And there's nothing that matters on that level, really, and it's not like anyone would really care if I was gone.
And for the moment I am both young and alive, and some day I will be neither, and I've got to fill up the time in the middle, I suppose. And I don't want to do it stupidly.
And my NEWTs aren't worth my life.
I mean, come on. Someone give me one single solitary good reason to return. It's impossible.
Of course, I don't want to stay in Warsaw, either. It's very boring, actually, especially if you don't speak Polish. (Though, given that its a city more than twice as large as Newcastle, I really don't want to think about that much.) And I can't really think of anywhere in particular I want to go right now...well, that I could get to, anyway. Maybe back to Prague. Possibly.
In fact, I don't think I want to do much of anything. And anything I might want to do I don't think I want to tell the lot of you all about.
I don't really want to do anything at all. Nothing I could do, at least. I mean, I want a lot, and I always do, and I always will, but I never want anything I could just be offered or just walk up and take and hold up proudly. And if I ever do get something like that, it almost always goes sour.
Here's to feeling adrift, I suppose.