Coveting
We can't help it but compare. We look at our neighbors, our friends, and our enemies and we can't help but ask why things are the way they are. Why can't I have it like so&so, or why does so&so have it so good? The light thinkers like to answer these kinds of questions with vague terms like luck or chance, but I propose something different. I propose that everything is exactly as it should be.
You see, in my mind everything must have a reason. So&so is rich because so&so's parents were rich, or maybe so&so won the lottery. Another so&so is single not because they are unlucky in love, but more likely because they are deficient in some way. Maybe single so&so lacks social skills, good looks, personality, charm, or whatever, but something is missing that prevents them from finding a relationship. In the end, everything makes sense.
In order for things to make sense though, we have to compare and we have to covet. We have to ask ourselves why we lag behind in some areas and why we have it so good in others. We have to somehow shift through all the issues, both our own and other people's, and somehow get to the bottom of everything. One thing stands in our way though, ego.
The primary cause for all the problems in your life stems from one thing and one thing only. This source of all your problems is you. You are the reason for your successes and you are the reasons for your failures. How do you accept this though?
To be honest, I'm not really sure. Personally, I still like to blame God. Outwardly, I like to chalk up my most serious problems to him. He's a big target and pretty hard to miss. Truth be told though, I know I'm to blame. I may not have realized the consequences of the decisions I have made in life, but I must accept the reality they have made for me.
It's tough though. I feel like I know so much and yet I feel powerless to change things. Like everybody else, I'm able to look at others and quickly assess their problems. I can tell you very quickly why people have problems in their life. I can tell you who is ugly, who is dumb, who is nice, and who is mean. More importantly, I can tell you how these issues affect their lives and what they do about them. Largely what they do about their issues is what determines their fate.
The one thing I can't tell you is my own inadequacies. I can't tell you why certain problems exist in my own life and why I can't always get what I want. When you are looking at yourself from the inside, things are so much more complicated. You don't see what others see, and you don't want to.
I suspect the reasons for my coveting. I can make logical guesses to why I can't have what I want. I can also propose solutions and courses of action that would allow me to get what I want. Only my ego stands in my way.
The problem it seems, at least for me is that my self is composed of my weaknesses and my strengths. My problems and my issues are a part of me. They can be explained, categorized, and even solved, but if they were I would cease to be me. That's the real issue.
I could have everything I wanted in life if I was willing to sacrifice myself, but that's the last thing I'll ever do. Hardships and tribulations are what make people the way they are. The interesting people are the people who try to bend and warp reality to fit themselves. Anyone can bend to reality, but very few can actually bend reality.
It all comes down to will. Well, will and the rules/laws of society and the universe, but all these rules/laws are subject to change and will can accomplish this change, but only every so slightly and every so gradually.
In my 24 years I've managed to be able to bend reality pretty well. I have been able to change some of the laws and bypass some of the rules, but I'm beginning to realize that I'll never reach where I want to go. I'll never be able to reproduce or manipulate circumstances to create what comes natural to others so I'm left to my coveting.
People will argue that one should just be themselves and reality will treat them fairly, but if you do so, I can guarantee you'll never be able to overcome your problems. If you simply are yourself, then you will quickly be gobbled up by reality. People that are themselves play by society's rules. If you are completely open about who you are and what you want, society will treat you accordingly. You will get the kind of person you deserve to get, you will get the kind of job you deserve to get, your future will be determined based upon the rules of society and how you interract with those rules. On the other hand though, if you attempt to bend the rules of reality, you can sometimes bypass the rules/laws of society.
That's pretty much where I come in. I don't want to play by the rules. I don't feel that I fit in with any set type of persona in our current society so I want to make a new one. I don't want to have to sacrifice a part of myself to fit in or give up one of my issues so that I can gain something I want. What I do want to do is bend reality.
I can tell you that few things give me more pleasure and meaning then being able to blur the lines. The moment in which you can get people to question the way things are done and why the rules are the way they are is the moment in which I find happiness. In these moments I catch my glimpses of "truth" as I like to call it. More important than the rules we live by are what I like to think of as basic pillars upon which society and reality are founded upon. When we blur the lines we can get back to these basic and pure thoughts and emotions. That's pretty much my dream.
But, when I'm not dreaming (which is most of the time) I'm coveting. I can't help but look around and ask why. I can't help, but want and desire the things outside my reach. Oh well, that's the human condition. On the bright side, I do believe I'm beginning to understand it. In the end it always does make perfect sense...
You see, in my mind everything must have a reason. So&so is rich because so&so's parents were rich, or maybe so&so won the lottery. Another so&so is single not because they are unlucky in love, but more likely because they are deficient in some way. Maybe single so&so lacks social skills, good looks, personality, charm, or whatever, but something is missing that prevents them from finding a relationship. In the end, everything makes sense.
In order for things to make sense though, we have to compare and we have to covet. We have to ask ourselves why we lag behind in some areas and why we have it so good in others. We have to somehow shift through all the issues, both our own and other people's, and somehow get to the bottom of everything. One thing stands in our way though, ego.
The primary cause for all the problems in your life stems from one thing and one thing only. This source of all your problems is you. You are the reason for your successes and you are the reasons for your failures. How do you accept this though?
To be honest, I'm not really sure. Personally, I still like to blame God. Outwardly, I like to chalk up my most serious problems to him. He's a big target and pretty hard to miss. Truth be told though, I know I'm to blame. I may not have realized the consequences of the decisions I have made in life, but I must accept the reality they have made for me.
It's tough though. I feel like I know so much and yet I feel powerless to change things. Like everybody else, I'm able to look at others and quickly assess their problems. I can tell you very quickly why people have problems in their life. I can tell you who is ugly, who is dumb, who is nice, and who is mean. More importantly, I can tell you how these issues affect their lives and what they do about them. Largely what they do about their issues is what determines their fate.
The one thing I can't tell you is my own inadequacies. I can't tell you why certain problems exist in my own life and why I can't always get what I want. When you are looking at yourself from the inside, things are so much more complicated. You don't see what others see, and you don't want to.
I suspect the reasons for my coveting. I can make logical guesses to why I can't have what I want. I can also propose solutions and courses of action that would allow me to get what I want. Only my ego stands in my way.
The problem it seems, at least for me is that my self is composed of my weaknesses and my strengths. My problems and my issues are a part of me. They can be explained, categorized, and even solved, but if they were I would cease to be me. That's the real issue.
I could have everything I wanted in life if I was willing to sacrifice myself, but that's the last thing I'll ever do. Hardships and tribulations are what make people the way they are. The interesting people are the people who try to bend and warp reality to fit themselves. Anyone can bend to reality, but very few can actually bend reality.
It all comes down to will. Well, will and the rules/laws of society and the universe, but all these rules/laws are subject to change and will can accomplish this change, but only every so slightly and every so gradually.
In my 24 years I've managed to be able to bend reality pretty well. I have been able to change some of the laws and bypass some of the rules, but I'm beginning to realize that I'll never reach where I want to go. I'll never be able to reproduce or manipulate circumstances to create what comes natural to others so I'm left to my coveting.
People will argue that one should just be themselves and reality will treat them fairly, but if you do so, I can guarantee you'll never be able to overcome your problems. If you simply are yourself, then you will quickly be gobbled up by reality. People that are themselves play by society's rules. If you are completely open about who you are and what you want, society will treat you accordingly. You will get the kind of person you deserve to get, you will get the kind of job you deserve to get, your future will be determined based upon the rules of society and how you interract with those rules. On the other hand though, if you attempt to bend the rules of reality, you can sometimes bypass the rules/laws of society.
That's pretty much where I come in. I don't want to play by the rules. I don't feel that I fit in with any set type of persona in our current society so I want to make a new one. I don't want to have to sacrifice a part of myself to fit in or give up one of my issues so that I can gain something I want. What I do want to do is bend reality.
I can tell you that few things give me more pleasure and meaning then being able to blur the lines. The moment in which you can get people to question the way things are done and why the rules are the way they are is the moment in which I find happiness. In these moments I catch my glimpses of "truth" as I like to call it. More important than the rules we live by are what I like to think of as basic pillars upon which society and reality are founded upon. When we blur the lines we can get back to these basic and pure thoughts and emotions. That's pretty much my dream.
But, when I'm not dreaming (which is most of the time) I'm coveting. I can't help but look around and ask why. I can't help, but want and desire the things outside my reach. Oh well, that's the human condition. On the bright side, I do believe I'm beginning to understand it. In the end it always does make perfect sense...