Life's Lessons
I'd say a good analogy to how I feel about life is to compare myself to a kid who has been held back in school. For a couple of years now I have watched all my friends learn, grow, and move onward in life while I have not. Yes, I could venture into newer uncertain waters, but I don't feel I'm ready for them nor do I feel I have learned all I need to know. I know for certain I'm behind personally, especially when it comes to relationships, but I seem unable to make up for this deficiency. I'm hardly lacking when it comes to opportunities, but when I bite the same thing always happens. I end up having some moments until the inevitable meltdown in which I can never see nor talk to the person I had the "said" moments with. Granted breakups and relationships are awkward, delicate things, but I am growing very weary of what I like to call my "unsolved mysteries." I'm tired of meeting people and trying to get to know them and then to have them disappear on me for reasons unknown. Yes, I'm bright enough to figure out that it didn't work out, but I want to know why and I want to know the end of the story. I want people to be like me and be able to put aside their own feelings and look at everything logically and without passion. Sadly though, nobody seems capable or willing. Leaving things unsolved and unresolved seems to be much more the style.
It definitely seems to me like there is some lesson in life that I'm failing to learn, some rudimentary skill which holds me back from the next level and great adventure. What that lesson is I do not know, but I'm dying to learn. But what am I learning? For one I seem to be learning patience. My classes are not to my liking, but I feel such a degree is important for me to have. I am not challenged or intrigued, but I believe the paper equivalent I will receive will serve me well. The whole experience more than anything appears to be a lesson in patience.
On my job front, I'm not really sure what is incomplete. I do feel like I don't inspire people enough or mentor them properly, but at the same time I do feel I do a good job, just not good enough. I'm not sure when I'll feel the need to move on or what I have left to learn. Maybe this will be the year?
I guess to end my rant it's important to believe that the answers will eventually come. What I have to remember is that I cannot enforce my will nor can I bend others to my will. Rather I should be studious and take life's lessons as they come. I should continue being curious and inquisitive, but realize that my own personal quest is a quest few others will ever know or want to know for that matter. Few will break down the foundations upon which they were raised and even fewer will want to. As always I have so many questions... And you'd think that with so many questions I would want someone with answers. Truth be told though, I don't. I don't want someone to be able to give me answers. I want someone to make me be able to see even more of the unknown... I want someone to make me feel what I have never felt and know what I have never imagined. Is that too much to ask?
I'm guessing so and I'm pretty sure life will be that bit of cold heart truth down my throat, but we will have to see. However, should you know some of life's lessons and you know which ones will be on the test, please let me know! I really don't think I can be held back many more years...
It definitely seems to me like there is some lesson in life that I'm failing to learn, some rudimentary skill which holds me back from the next level and great adventure. What that lesson is I do not know, but I'm dying to learn. But what am I learning? For one I seem to be learning patience. My classes are not to my liking, but I feel such a degree is important for me to have. I am not challenged or intrigued, but I believe the paper equivalent I will receive will serve me well. The whole experience more than anything appears to be a lesson in patience.
On my job front, I'm not really sure what is incomplete. I do feel like I don't inspire people enough or mentor them properly, but at the same time I do feel I do a good job, just not good enough. I'm not sure when I'll feel the need to move on or what I have left to learn. Maybe this will be the year?
I guess to end my rant it's important to believe that the answers will eventually come. What I have to remember is that I cannot enforce my will nor can I bend others to my will. Rather I should be studious and take life's lessons as they come. I should continue being curious and inquisitive, but realize that my own personal quest is a quest few others will ever know or want to know for that matter. Few will break down the foundations upon which they were raised and even fewer will want to. As always I have so many questions... And you'd think that with so many questions I would want someone with answers. Truth be told though, I don't. I don't want someone to be able to give me answers. I want someone to make me be able to see even more of the unknown... I want someone to make me feel what I have never felt and know what I have never imagined. Is that too much to ask?
I'm guessing so and I'm pretty sure life will be that bit of cold heart truth down my throat, but we will have to see. However, should you know some of life's lessons and you know which ones will be on the test, please let me know! I really don't think I can be held back many more years...