Sharing Realities
I'll be the first one to say I love to talk and share. I find my life very interesting and I like to talk through ideas. I like to think outloud at times and work through things by talking to other people. I also like to hear other people talk about their lives and their thoughts (though not too many people like to share the deep and meaningful stuff). Any how, despite my love of sharing, there are inherent difficulties in such a practice.
The first of these difficulties is the sharing of realities. Whenever you share with someone, both parties must each bring their own personal reality and build a bridge somewhere so that they can meet in the middle. That sounds a little confusing so let me explain further. We all see things from a different point of view. In order to understand something we must always relate it to our own experience; however, at the same time we must also consider that the other person is not ourself and that he or she might see things differently. We then must come to some kind of compromise between how we view the reality of the situation and how we think the person telling the story views the reality of the situation. Whenever we participate in discourse, we participate in the sharing of these realities.
Most of the time this process of discourse is just a sharing of ideas: we learn some things and the person we are talking to learns some things. But sometimes/often there is a power struggle. Sometimes a person will share a story and the listener will attempt to enforce his or her reality on the person telling the story. Usually the means of this enforcement of subtle, but the effect is not.
In recent days, I've had some of my stories challenged. I've shared my outlook on things and others have disagreed. Now granted, that probably shouldn't be such a big deal; however, a lot of these issues were of a personal nature and about things I have a hard time sharing. When people disagree with my version of reality, I have to ask myself if they do so because they think I am in error or if they have an alterior motive. Either way the result is disturbing and unsettling...
There are other difficulties I could mention in the sharing of realities, but I think I've already shared enough to come to my point. My point is that I think a relationship is the only kind of atmosphere you can get in which you can share your honest to god thoughts and experiences. Best friends and good friends are great, but I can never shake the feeling that I'm either boring them to tears or that they think I'm pathetic or insane. What I really need is someone who is passionate about finding out all their is to know about me, a person who only seeks clarification, not a person who questions my interpretation of events or desires to change who I am.
I'm not really sure why I wrote all of this, but lately I've really just found myself missing a companion with which I could share all my thoughts with. I have people who I love and people who I trust completely, but no one who I feel understands. There is also the matter of selfishness. There are many people out there I'd love to talk to and share with, but these people are so self absorbed with their own lives that they cannot be reached or relied upon.
I probably should just write all of this down and have my own personal conversation with myself, but that's probably the root of my problems. Upon self-reflection, I think my desire to share comes from a yearning for acceptance. I know that I don't accept myself and there are parts of myself I'm none too fond of. People always say you should love yourself and be true to yourself, but this becomes very problematic if you yourself are a jumble of contradictions and opposing forces.
As always the quest continues. I continue to grow and learn. I just greatly desire someone who has my answers. I want to feel complete and accepted, but hey who doesn't? I guess it's only natural.
The first of these difficulties is the sharing of realities. Whenever you share with someone, both parties must each bring their own personal reality and build a bridge somewhere so that they can meet in the middle. That sounds a little confusing so let me explain further. We all see things from a different point of view. In order to understand something we must always relate it to our own experience; however, at the same time we must also consider that the other person is not ourself and that he or she might see things differently. We then must come to some kind of compromise between how we view the reality of the situation and how we think the person telling the story views the reality of the situation. Whenever we participate in discourse, we participate in the sharing of these realities.
Most of the time this process of discourse is just a sharing of ideas: we learn some things and the person we are talking to learns some things. But sometimes/often there is a power struggle. Sometimes a person will share a story and the listener will attempt to enforce his or her reality on the person telling the story. Usually the means of this enforcement of subtle, but the effect is not.
In recent days, I've had some of my stories challenged. I've shared my outlook on things and others have disagreed. Now granted, that probably shouldn't be such a big deal; however, a lot of these issues were of a personal nature and about things I have a hard time sharing. When people disagree with my version of reality, I have to ask myself if they do so because they think I am in error or if they have an alterior motive. Either way the result is disturbing and unsettling...
There are other difficulties I could mention in the sharing of realities, but I think I've already shared enough to come to my point. My point is that I think a relationship is the only kind of atmosphere you can get in which you can share your honest to god thoughts and experiences. Best friends and good friends are great, but I can never shake the feeling that I'm either boring them to tears or that they think I'm pathetic or insane. What I really need is someone who is passionate about finding out all their is to know about me, a person who only seeks clarification, not a person who questions my interpretation of events or desires to change who I am.
I'm not really sure why I wrote all of this, but lately I've really just found myself missing a companion with which I could share all my thoughts with. I have people who I love and people who I trust completely, but no one who I feel understands. There is also the matter of selfishness. There are many people out there I'd love to talk to and share with, but these people are so self absorbed with their own lives that they cannot be reached or relied upon.
I probably should just write all of this down and have my own personal conversation with myself, but that's probably the root of my problems. Upon self-reflection, I think my desire to share comes from a yearning for acceptance. I know that I don't accept myself and there are parts of myself I'm none too fond of. People always say you should love yourself and be true to yourself, but this becomes very problematic if you yourself are a jumble of contradictions and opposing forces.
As always the quest continues. I continue to grow and learn. I just greatly desire someone who has my answers. I want to feel complete and accepted, but hey who doesn't? I guess it's only natural.