Musing
Okay so I just filled out a set of surveys on "religiosity and spirtuality" for a thesis project that some fourth year is doing. Granted I don't get credit for it this year, but I still enjoy participating in people's studies. Besides, good karma might shine on me if/when I'm running my own. Anyway, because of the topic I'm now thinking about spirtuality and such. I know I've babbled on here a few times about my personal beliefs, and lectured Jamie on them numerous times more, but what the hell I have nothing to do until three anyway.
The main thing I'm kind of wondering about, I've never really doubted the existence of a "greater power". I admit I've moved away from the Christian God since...jeebus since grade 9, but my confident belief in something has never really waverred (however the hell that's spelt). Even when I was in Lethbridge and doubting everything else about my life, I never really doubted there was some spirit/power/whatever out there in the unknown. Which makes me wonder, why? I mean it's not like we live in a world full of happiness and daily miracles (well, sometimes I'd argue that we do, but there's shitty-ness too). I haven't experienced any flashes of light or voices saying "be not afraid", or woken up having written the next chapter in some holy book in my sleep. So am I delusional? Am I just that naive that I can't let go of the ultimate Santa Clause/Father-figure type deal?
THis is one of the questions I don't really have an answer to. I have a few ideas. I know I have basically the same beliefs as my Dad, in that there's something, but neither of us really know what it is. I know why he believes it. Because when he was an alcoholic (way back when), and he was falling so far apart, he had one of those moments. When you ask for help, and you actually get it. Sure it could be argued he helped himself, but he believes there was something supporting him.
And I think that's part of the reason I believe it too. Because when I was in Lethbridge, sitting in my room in rez listening to "Nothing Else Matters" and considering ending it all for the millionth time, I asked for help and I got it. Sure it was just finding the strength to pick up the phone and ask my Dad to come and get me, but it was something. Yes it could be argued I did it myself but...I dunno. I still believe there was something supporting me too.
Kind of makes you wonder about the whole "if there's a god why does he let people suffer". Maybe it's so they turn to him for help? Kind of selfish, I guess. But I never claimed that the all-mighty whatsit was ultimately benevolent. I've often thought things happen for a reason. If I my family hadn't moved I wouldn't have had problems in Lethbridge and I wouldn't have gone to George Brown and I wouldn't have come to Trent and I wouldn't have met all the great friends I have now. Sure, things could've been just as great/better/whatever if I had stayed in Lethbridge, I guess I'll never know. And I'm certainly not saying everything is fated, that's just stupid. Everyone has a hand in their own future. I'm just suggesting, maybe there's something supporting us wherever we go.
I dunno. This was probably boring for most of you, but I found it kind of comforting to think about. If I've offended anyone's beliefs, I apologize. I doubt that's the case since you folks are pretty open about beliefs (or so you seem to be, lol). Anyway, I may as well go do some reading before heading to my sociology seminar (boo).
Hugs and howls to all.
The main thing I'm kind of wondering about, I've never really doubted the existence of a "greater power". I admit I've moved away from the Christian God since...jeebus since grade 9, but my confident belief in something has never really waverred (however the hell that's spelt). Even when I was in Lethbridge and doubting everything else about my life, I never really doubted there was some spirit/power/whatever out there in the unknown. Which makes me wonder, why? I mean it's not like we live in a world full of happiness and daily miracles (well, sometimes I'd argue that we do, but there's shitty-ness too). I haven't experienced any flashes of light or voices saying "be not afraid", or woken up having written the next chapter in some holy book in my sleep. So am I delusional? Am I just that naive that I can't let go of the ultimate Santa Clause/Father-figure type deal?
THis is one of the questions I don't really have an answer to. I have a few ideas. I know I have basically the same beliefs as my Dad, in that there's something, but neither of us really know what it is. I know why he believes it. Because when he was an alcoholic (way back when), and he was falling so far apart, he had one of those moments. When you ask for help, and you actually get it. Sure it could be argued he helped himself, but he believes there was something supporting him.
And I think that's part of the reason I believe it too. Because when I was in Lethbridge, sitting in my room in rez listening to "Nothing Else Matters" and considering ending it all for the millionth time, I asked for help and I got it. Sure it was just finding the strength to pick up the phone and ask my Dad to come and get me, but it was something. Yes it could be argued I did it myself but...I dunno. I still believe there was something supporting me too.
Kind of makes you wonder about the whole "if there's a god why does he let people suffer". Maybe it's so they turn to him for help? Kind of selfish, I guess. But I never claimed that the all-mighty whatsit was ultimately benevolent. I've often thought things happen for a reason. If I my family hadn't moved I wouldn't have had problems in Lethbridge and I wouldn't have gone to George Brown and I wouldn't have come to Trent and I wouldn't have met all the great friends I have now. Sure, things could've been just as great/better/whatever if I had stayed in Lethbridge, I guess I'll never know. And I'm certainly not saying everything is fated, that's just stupid. Everyone has a hand in their own future. I'm just suggesting, maybe there's something supporting us wherever we go.
I dunno. This was probably boring for most of you, but I found it kind of comforting to think about. If I've offended anyone's beliefs, I apologize. I doubt that's the case since you folks are pretty open about beliefs (or so you seem to be, lol). Anyway, I may as well go do some reading before heading to my sociology seminar (boo).
Hugs and howls to all.