Searching for...
I think it's finally starting to sink in. I've completed school, I've got a job (at least for the next year), I have an apartment that I'll be moving into in September (altho figuring out how I'm going to get my furniture there is turning out more difficult than I expected). The three main "objectives" of my life for the past few years have pretty much been achieved.
Granted, I still have a lot to learn in my job, and I can't "settle", so that will still take up a lot of my time. And all sorts of drama will come along with my new living arrangements, I have no doubt. But those are smaller (ish) things, no longer "uber life driving goals".
Maybe it's just because I've been in school for so long, or maybe I can try blaming video games or something. But I've never not had a goal before. I feel at loose ends.
I also know that saying "I don't have a goal" isn't exactly true. I still want to write/complete a story worth reading. I still want to lose weight. I still want to push myself into trying this whole new-fangled "dating" thing I've heard so much about. But those don't seem real, somehow. Which I realize doesn't make sense.
I think it's probably just because I don't know what my immediate future holds anymore. I can't say "in X number of years I'll be finished school, and then life starts". Because now I'm finished school. Which means "life" is supposed to start. So . . . uhm . . . start now please?
Blarg. Even as I'm typing this a big part of me is making faces and rolling its eyes. "Boohoo, my life is so horrible, I've finished school and have a job. Woe is me". Which is great, except for the other part that's actually like "woe is me!"
Hokay. This is kind of a schizo post. But whatever. I'm going to go try to find something to do.
Granted, I still have a lot to learn in my job, and I can't "settle", so that will still take up a lot of my time. And all sorts of drama will come along with my new living arrangements, I have no doubt. But those are smaller (ish) things, no longer "uber life driving goals".
Maybe it's just because I've been in school for so long, or maybe I can try blaming video games or something. But I've never not had a goal before. I feel at loose ends.
I also know that saying "I don't have a goal" isn't exactly true. I still want to write/complete a story worth reading. I still want to lose weight. I still want to push myself into trying this whole new-fangled "dating" thing I've heard so much about. But those don't seem real, somehow. Which I realize doesn't make sense.
I think it's probably just because I don't know what my immediate future holds anymore. I can't say "in X number of years I'll be finished school, and then life starts". Because now I'm finished school. Which means "life" is supposed to start. So . . . uhm . . . start now please?
Blarg. Even as I'm typing this a big part of me is making faces and rolling its eyes. "Boohoo, my life is so horrible, I've finished school and have a job. Woe is me". Which is great, except for the other part that's actually like "woe is me!"
Hokay. This is kind of a schizo post. But whatever. I'm going to go try to find something to do.