Onwards and Upwards, anyone?
I re-read some old journal entries and tried to think about who I used to be.
I read from the end of university to the day before I met him. This is the last entry I wrote before he showed up in my life. Not of earth-shattering interest or anything, but I have read and re-read it today and tried to find out things about myself in those words I must have written so nonchalantly.
I remember that time. I had friends, but those that were physically close weren't extremely emotionally close to me and vice versa. I worked in the record shop and loved it, but already knew it was crumbling since Jez was soon to leave. I never had any money. I was still in my ridiculous 'James' frame of mind (in fact I think he was the unexpected visitor to the shop I mention in that entry, though I can't be sure). I lived in fear of Corrie finding out I hadn't increased my rent payment (which she found out about two weeks after this). I hadn't had sex in months and had never had a proper relationship with anyone. But I was so happy anyway.
I want to be that way again, and I feel like I can be. I just need to calm down, and chill out, and remember what I like. These haven't been three years of waste, though he did waste them in the end. I don't have to. I can comeback from it. I just need to remember what I'm capable of.
I'm going to try very hard not to whinge any more. Not for a while, anyway.
I see no irony in this song - I really do think it's beautiful, especially when they sing it.
I read from the end of university to the day before I met him. This is the last entry I wrote before he showed up in my life. Not of earth-shattering interest or anything, but I have read and re-read it today and tried to find out things about myself in those words I must have written so nonchalantly.
I remember that time. I had friends, but those that were physically close weren't extremely emotionally close to me and vice versa. I worked in the record shop and loved it, but already knew it was crumbling since Jez was soon to leave. I never had any money. I was still in my ridiculous 'James' frame of mind (in fact I think he was the unexpected visitor to the shop I mention in that entry, though I can't be sure). I lived in fear of Corrie finding out I hadn't increased my rent payment (which she found out about two weeks after this). I hadn't had sex in months and had never had a proper relationship with anyone. But I was so happy anyway.
I want to be that way again, and I feel like I can be. I just need to calm down, and chill out, and remember what I like. These haven't been three years of waste, though he did waste them in the end. I don't have to. I can comeback from it. I just need to remember what I'm capable of.
I'm going to try very hard not to whinge any more. Not for a while, anyway.
I see no irony in this song - I really do think it's beautiful, especially when they sing it.