So eFing what?
Today is Easter and I have nothing to show to my God. This has given me so much grief lately that I give up too easily at things that normally come very naturally to me. I'm fading out in more ways than one. Its hard not focusing on other things that seem to come up, like family living situations, why I'm in this town, where to next and if its all for the better. I have a set goal in my life, and thats to find what keeps us all smiling on the home front and live through it. The family dinner thing today made me realize just how many people are struggling with emotional and finantial situations. What makes it more clear is what we actually do to releave ourselves...we go out or stay in and drink our lives into oblivion to keep us away for a while. Even searching ways for escape when there are none. This town is keeping me sick and those around me stay distant because they don't want it to effect them any more than it already has. I had a good talk today about college issues with one of my cousins today that made me realize that Delta College really has been a God sent and it really was the smartest choice for me at this time. His big moral to the story was spend as little on college as you have to money wise because it will pay off just the same as long as you want it bad enough, be smart and money won't bite you in the ass that hard...I dunno, but I do know that the times, they are confusing. My mother read me my horriscope last night saying that I shouldn't take advice to those I normally look to. This makes me feel even more alone than I already am. I think it was right though, I have noone but God. This makes me realize how little I spend with Him and how much I miss feeling like I have someone who loves me unconditionally or at all for that matter. I've never felt more alone right now than in my whole life. My brother has moved on and out from living a life of torment. I feel entrapped for whatever reason that may be. My mother is so emotionally blinded and scourged that she seems useless to herself. I feel there is nothing to do but to be her sound board and pray for an end that only she can write. I'm done for now, there's nothing but tears and prayers, time and end. I just hope the end is near for the sake of others who feel the way I do.