So, I’ve finished my re-rewatch (!) of season 1. I expected it to go faster, but there were a lot of distractions - from unexpected work, to the fact that, well, it was hot summer weather and most days were being spent on a beach, and a lot of nights out in the city. My impressions were mostly the same as the last time, which is no surprise since
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I watched "Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest" the other day and basically the way I work out the Willow/Xander/Jesse situation is this; Willow and Xander have been friends their whole lives. In the past year or so, since starting high school, they met Jesse; he and Xander bonded over being awkward teenage boys and became friends. At the same time, Willow and Xander have kind of drifted apart a little; they're still friends, but most of their interactions revolve around school or exciting new girl gossip - they aren't hanging out all the time like Xander and Jesse. Willow is a bit of a loner at this point outside of people she helps with schoolwork - she's at the Bronze by herself, she hopes Xander will be there but they don't have plans. Willow and Jesse are friendly, but they mostly know each other through Xander. This explains why Xander is more upset about Jesse's death than Willow is. With Jesse's death and Buffy/vampire drama to unite them, Willow and Xander become close again.
None of this explains why Xander goes from being upset about Jesse's death to perfectly happy by the end of the episode, of course. That's just season one being season one. But it does explain why Jesse is never mentioned in discussions of Willow and Xander's long history together.
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