Title: Questionable Clothing Choices
Author:
darth_animusRecipient:
frimfram-sauceRating: PG-13
Prompt: Ted modelling festive knitwear. The more eye-gougingly horrible the knitwear, the better.
Summary: The domestic side of the universe rearranging itself is not knowing which timeline your clothes originate from.
There were both positive and negative aspects to being a superhero. While that much was a given, not many really considered the metaphysical implications of getting involved with universe-threatening events. While it was rather common for people to die on the job, large-scale crises increased the chances of that happening by a large margin. And, in addition to that regular risk, there was also the possibility of people coming back to life, becoming different age from before or even ending up completely erased from existence.
Even after all the chaos of time and space rewriting itself was over and done with and all the panic and uncertainty was left behind, there would still be the long-term repercussions to deal with. Whenever the cards the universe handed out ended up being reshuffled, it resulted in all sorts of inconveniences, both big and small.
From anyone's perspective a sudden change in the contents of one's wardrobe would be classified as a small inconvenience. However, as Booster watched the sweaters Ted pulled out of the closet, each more garish than the previous one, he was ready to deem it more than just a big inconvenience; it was a small-scale catastrophe.
Booster had made it quite clear to Ted that seasonal sweaters had no place in the bedroom closet. Booster had to use that closet too and he didn't want to look at the things outside of the season when it was mandatory. So the sweaters were stored in the hall closet, with all the Christmas decorations and other things they didn't need to trip over constantly.
Booster had just wanted to retrieve the decorations. He had hoped that Ted would forget about the sweaters; it wasn't like he didn't already have some decently-eye-glaring-yet-regular ones in the bedroom closet. But Ted had insisted on checking to make sure that Booster didn't mess the closet up while retrieving the decorations, and then the brunet had noticed the sweaters and herded Booster to the next room over so that he could find the sweater he wanted to wear to the festivities this year.
So Booster had slumped onto the living room couch, only to be chased off it some minutes later when Ted began dumping armfuls of sweaters over the thing. Deeming one of the armchairs a safer location, Booster had settled down again to watch the proceedings. Booster had expected to grow increasingly bored with each sweater Ted dug out of the pile, not more and more horrified.
Of course Booster knew that Ted had terrible fashion sense; he'd been going out with the other man for a while and had been friends with him even longer. Booster had seen just how ugly the pieces of clothing that Ted could find with frightening ease were if the brunet was left alone to do his own clothes shopping. And that didn't even begin to cover the horrendous outfits Ted could put together with the items he had already amassed into his sizeable closet.
Some of the articles Ted favored boggled the mind; Booster wasn't sure why anyone would voluntarily put some of those things on. The sweater vests alone were terrible enough even without those accursed newsboy caps. And then there were the ties, with patterns that would certainly drive you mad if you stared at them for too long.
When considering all the other clothes Ted owned, a bunch of tasteless knit sweaters really didn't seem like such a terror. Maybe that was the difference between theory and practise that Ted mentioned occasionally. Theoretically they shouldn't be so horrific, but in practise they were bad enough to make Booster think of the Eldritch Ties fondly.
It was like this time period had a separate subculture dedicated solely to creating the most outlandish sweaters. Booster really couldn't figure out any other reason for some of the abominations Ted presented with such pride to him. It made Booster wish their goal today was to find the shirt most unfit for wearing, since surely Ted couldn't be as oblivious to the ugliness of these things as he was to that of his other clothes.
Because the sweaters were ugly. There was no doubt about that. They were eye-sores, garish, awful things. In fact, if this anti-fashion show went on for much longer, Booster would probably need to invent more words for 'ugly' to describe the visual pollution he was being subjected to.
“Okay.” Ted's voice was slightly muffled since the brunet had once again returned to the hall to dig through the closet for more abominations. “I think I finally found the really festive ones.”
Booster wondered what Ted counted as 'really festive'. But then Ted brought back a pile of sweaters, spreading them out over the already buried couch, and Booster didn't want to know anymore.
One of the new sweaters was a mess of colorful splotches, actually looking like a fruit cake, was probably made with fruit cake in mind. Another one glittered softly from the tinsel woven into the wool and a yet another was made entirely out of tinsel. That last one was such a sparkly, bushy eyesore that Booster would seriously physically harm Ted in order to stop the brunet from putting it on.
“I don't remember this one,” Ted murmured as he presented a new sweater for Booster, this one a muted chestnut brown. It wasn't terribly flashy or sparkly; in fact the only thing wrong with it seemed to be the misshapen Christmas tree pictured on the front. But then Booster saw the tiny light bulbs that were clearly attached to the shirt. Booster simply hadn't noticed them since they weren't on.
Booster recognized this one. He remembered buying it himself, because he had immediately thought of Ted when he had seen it. The only thing wrong was that he couldn't recall why he had been feeling so sentimental as to support Ted's hobby of collecting ridiculous knitwear.
“I'm putting it on,” Ted declared, already pulling the shirt over his head by the time he was finished with his statement. The brunet slipped the sweater on with relative ease and then fumbled with the seams for a moment before the lights on the shirt came on.
“This is nice,” Ted commented before flashing Booster a grin. “What do you think?”
Booster looked the shirt over while the word echoed in his mind. Nice. The red and green lights were absolutely obnoxious. They were bright, they blinked at Booster and the blond was sure he was going to start experiencing an intense migraine any moment now.
“Yeah, sure,” Booster finally managed to murmur. “It's nice, if you don't mind strobes.”
Ted raised an eyebrow at Booster's less than enthusiastic tone. “Sometimes it's like you complain just for the sake of complaining.”
“Well, it's not as bad as some of the other ones you have.” Booster pointedly turned his eyes away from the flashing lights. “But it's bound to cause someone an epileptic attack.”
“I say you're just jealous.” Ted nodded to his own statement before making his way over to Booster's chair and flopping down on top of the blond's legs. “We could wrap you up in Christmas lights too.”
“Sorry Ted, but you're the only one here who gets hot and bothered over flashing doodads and electric wire.” Booster pulled on one of Ted's thighs to fix the brunet's position on his lap, giving the other a quirked smile. “What about that mess you made on the couch? Aren't you gonna clean that up?”
“I'm trying to distract you from that,” Ted retorted, his hands gliding over Booster's chest and arms with clear intent. “You could at least try to play along.”
“It would work better if you weren't wearing that unattractive thing,” Booster countered, tugging at the hem of Ted's sweater meaningfully.
The message was understood and Ted quickly yanked the sweater off, tossing it over his shoulder to the floor while Booster cringed at the reminder of the state of the room.
“Ignore the mess,” Ted commanded sternly even as Booster continued to stare at the clutter of sweaters forlornly. “By all accounts I should be more interesting.”
“Right, right.” Booster turned his face back up to Ted's and the kiss he received had a slightly scolding edge to it that he didn't really mind. When the two separated Booster released a groan.
“No, I can't do this!” the blond cried out, only to have Ted snap: “The room's not that messy!” to which Booster shouted: “It's not that, it's the sweaters! They're just too ugly!”
At that point it became obvious that the couch should get cleared out, because one of the men was going to be sleeping on it.