Sunlight Filtering Through the Storm Clouds
Metaphorically speaking.
The last few days have been super bad, as in, I asked the Lord to either stop letting Satan have so much access to me, or just take me Home because I could no longer deal with getting kicked in the teeth while I'm down. Every single time I turned around, someone ripped me off, threw obstacles down when I tried to accomplish something, or something essential broke down. I couldn't get a moment's relief from the frustration, anger, and grief. It was unbearable. I know when the Lord allows things to happen, He knows something I don't, that I might learn something from the situation or grow from it. Such has happened in the past, but in my own human mind, these past few days were nothing but torture, and I had maxed out my ability to be patient or to find any silver lining, and I'm pretty good at finding those. My post-partum depression experience made me good at it.
I believe the Lord heard my pleas last night and began replacing all the negativity with positive things. To start, I was able to resolve a problem I was having with Wal-Mart and got back the $53 that was due to me. I had to call the customer service number to register a complaint to get results, but I'm still relieved to have a positive outcome this time. Too many times in the past, they have brushed me off or refused to be fair. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's probably been fifteen years or more since I had a positive outcome from a complaint with them. This break came at a time when I desperately needed it.
We've also had some issues meeting ends since last month. Not only have my in-laws come through and helped, but someone from our church also felt led to bless us and gave us a gift card for Wal-Mart (yeah, how's that for irony?) to help meet our needs. My mom and dad always refer to that as "the dirty, little $100 bill"--our family's moniker for paying it forward. Also, we had a double blessing where my POC (piece of crap) van is concerned. It's got a lot of problems, but the most significant is my front brakes. Ed bartered with a friend, so he will fix the friend's instrument, and the friend will fix my brakes. My in-laws, knowing we would have a hard time getting money for parts, decided to buy them for us. Yeah, no in-law jokes from me, ever. Mine are the best a gal could ask for. So even though my van sounds like a cement mixer, chugs like a freight train, and has an ugly, broken tail light, it will at least stop when I want it to! LOL. Hey, it's the little things in life, you know?
I still have yet to pass the simulated exam for my insurance license. In order to take the state exam, I have to have proof that I passed that exam first. I was very, very close, so I went ahead and paid the fee and scheduled the test. The more I practiced, the worse I got! I ended up forfeiting the fee because I couldn't pass the course's exam. Talk about discouraged. Improving our situation financially rests on me getting that license and beginning to bring in commissions, so that was a big blow. But there's one thing that my loved ones know about me...I'm tenacious. I'm not going to throw my hands up and give up. I will keep plugging away and give it my best. It might kill me (it just might!) but I'm going to keep trying until God says, "Nope. You've done enough." I don't like the frustration or grief that comes with it, but again, it's a growing experience. I'm not going to miss out on the lesson.
So you could say my emotions have been a whirlwind, and I've been struggling greatly to keep mind and soul together, but I believe in a powerful God who does not walk away from His commitments or His promises. He never has. He never will. Whatever I face, He is there to guide me, and I can trust Him, even when I feel completely lost in my own turmoil. I wouldn't trade that peace for anything!
Post-Script: Oh, I forgot to share that David got his money from D! Well, all but $10 of it; he was a little short. I'd talked to D's boss and at first, I wasn't sure she was going to do much; she seemed pretty calm and relaxed about it. However, when I mentioned to her that it looked really bad for a school employee to steal from one of the school's families, her tone changed, and she emphatically agreed with me. I believe that when she spoke to him in private, she was sterner with him than she'd led me to believe she'd be. Jonathan says she is pretty strict. Whatever the case, the pressure tactic worked. We will never do business with him again, nor will we trust him again, but we are relieved the situation came to a positive conclusion. As for D? He claimed he was going to pay Dave all along. I'd expected him to want to save face, but none of us bought it. An honorable person who intends to pay his debts does not block all contact when the customer tries to rightfully collect their money. This kid will learn that soon, and I hope it will not be through rougher circumstances.
The last few days have been super bad, as in, I asked the Lord to either stop letting Satan have so much access to me, or just take me Home because I could no longer deal with getting kicked in the teeth while I'm down. Every single time I turned around, someone ripped me off, threw obstacles down when I tried to accomplish something, or something essential broke down. I couldn't get a moment's relief from the frustration, anger, and grief. It was unbearable. I know when the Lord allows things to happen, He knows something I don't, that I might learn something from the situation or grow from it. Such has happened in the past, but in my own human mind, these past few days were nothing but torture, and I had maxed out my ability to be patient or to find any silver lining, and I'm pretty good at finding those. My post-partum depression experience made me good at it.
I believe the Lord heard my pleas last night and began replacing all the negativity with positive things. To start, I was able to resolve a problem I was having with Wal-Mart and got back the $53 that was due to me. I had to call the customer service number to register a complaint to get results, but I'm still relieved to have a positive outcome this time. Too many times in the past, they have brushed me off or refused to be fair. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's probably been fifteen years or more since I had a positive outcome from a complaint with them. This break came at a time when I desperately needed it.
We've also had some issues meeting ends since last month. Not only have my in-laws come through and helped, but someone from our church also felt led to bless us and gave us a gift card for Wal-Mart (yeah, how's that for irony?) to help meet our needs. My mom and dad always refer to that as "the dirty, little $100 bill"--our family's moniker for paying it forward. Also, we had a double blessing where my POC (piece of crap) van is concerned. It's got a lot of problems, but the most significant is my front brakes. Ed bartered with a friend, so he will fix the friend's instrument, and the friend will fix my brakes. My in-laws, knowing we would have a hard time getting money for parts, decided to buy them for us. Yeah, no in-law jokes from me, ever. Mine are the best a gal could ask for. So even though my van sounds like a cement mixer, chugs like a freight train, and has an ugly, broken tail light, it will at least stop when I want it to! LOL. Hey, it's the little things in life, you know?
I still have yet to pass the simulated exam for my insurance license. In order to take the state exam, I have to have proof that I passed that exam first. I was very, very close, so I went ahead and paid the fee and scheduled the test. The more I practiced, the worse I got! I ended up forfeiting the fee because I couldn't pass the course's exam. Talk about discouraged. Improving our situation financially rests on me getting that license and beginning to bring in commissions, so that was a big blow. But there's one thing that my loved ones know about me...I'm tenacious. I'm not going to throw my hands up and give up. I will keep plugging away and give it my best. It might kill me (it just might!) but I'm going to keep trying until God says, "Nope. You've done enough." I don't like the frustration or grief that comes with it, but again, it's a growing experience. I'm not going to miss out on the lesson.
So you could say my emotions have been a whirlwind, and I've been struggling greatly to keep mind and soul together, but I believe in a powerful God who does not walk away from His commitments or His promises. He never has. He never will. Whatever I face, He is there to guide me, and I can trust Him, even when I feel completely lost in my own turmoil. I wouldn't trade that peace for anything!
Post-Script: Oh, I forgot to share that David got his money from D! Well, all but $10 of it; he was a little short. I'd talked to D's boss and at first, I wasn't sure she was going to do much; she seemed pretty calm and relaxed about it. However, when I mentioned to her that it looked really bad for a school employee to steal from one of the school's families, her tone changed, and she emphatically agreed with me. I believe that when she spoke to him in private, she was sterner with him than she'd led me to believe she'd be. Jonathan says she is pretty strict. Whatever the case, the pressure tactic worked. We will never do business with him again, nor will we trust him again, but we are relieved the situation came to a positive conclusion. As for D? He claimed he was going to pay Dave all along. I'd expected him to want to save face, but none of us bought it. An honorable person who intends to pay his debts does not block all contact when the customer tries to rightfully collect their money. This kid will learn that soon, and I hope it will not be through rougher circumstances.