Issue #3: My Doom was a Teenage Girl

[boostedfailure]

[phone]

"You know, threatening to kill someone who's already dead if I don't go out and shoot a nun or a little girl in the head is pretty sick.  We're talking worse than Max Lord level sick, this may be Darkseid level sick.  Yeah, I'm going to go with that.  So you know what, count me out.  That being said if someone's coming for me, I say if you'

Comments

Phone

[bitemescumbag]

...I have no idea what you're talking about.

How bad is Darkside-level sick? We talking "kicks puppies" bad or "eats babies" bad on the stupidly-evil radar?

[boostedfailure]

"Forces babies to eat each other so he doesn't feed them their puppies. Or like, the guys who made new coke."

[bitemescumbag]

I dunno what new coke is. Or old coke. That first bit though? Yeah, that sounds pretty crappy.

[boostedfailure]

"If you were to make a douchenozzle scale of one to ten.. He's at least a twelve."

[bitemescumbag]

[He whistles lowly, impressed.]

Off the charts.

He's not here, is he? Because that might be bad.

[boostedfailure]

"Hope not. He's the kind of guy that blows up planets cause he thinks they're lookin at him funny."

[bitemescumbag]

You're pullin' my leg. Blow up planets?

[boostedfailure]

"Its his hobby. Nobody much likes him."

[bitemescumbag]

It would be weird if anyone did like him.

[He mutters to himself.] And I thought things that'd wreck cities were bad...

[boostedfailure]

"But this whole town thing... It sounds like something he'd make people do. There are a lot of sick bastards where I come from."

[bitemescumbag]

Pretty sure they're a universal constant. Not on the same kinda power scale, but...

Damn, what if he is behind it? Or is he one of those gloaty types that loves to make a big speech about why "you are all doomed".

[boostedfailure]

"Trust me the guy wouldn't understand subtle if it beat him over the head. He puts his face on everything he does and just stands there gloating."

[bitemescumbag]

Huh. S'almost a pity -- well, if he wasn't able to blast planets it would be. That type's reactions when they get screwed over in the end are pretty great.

[boostedfailure]

"I'm told the look on his face the last time they killed him was pretty surprised. Damn shame he keeps coming back."

[bitemescumbag]

People not staying dead seems weird enough, here. Do I come from the only place without an open-door policy afterlife or something?

[boostedfailure]

"No... Normal people that aren't super powered weirdos don't come back where I come from. Even with time travel they don't. Trust me, I know."