(no subject)
It's easy to be surprised. It's easy to think you know everything about something, and be proven wrong.
Like a 12 year old, refusing to accept anyone can hurt as much as he does, because his favourite rock star died. Like a 15 year old in love, believing nothing could ever feel as strong as the love he feels now. But everything gets overshadowed, again and again. And sometimes emotion is so strong it literally hurts. I know this now. Before I would have said "I'm hurting" but that was metaphysical. That was in my head.
I just don't understand why it's all so hard. What's the point? Why does it have to be so difficult? Why?
Maybe, we could figure out what the outcome of everything would be. And we could go back and remove all the pain and suffering and unecessary stress, and just put everyone where they're supposed to be. Like the Ultimate Observer - though I think that theory could do with a bit of help.
Some would say - you need these hard experiences. You need them to build you. You need them to have character. To learn from.
Well, I'm done with learning. I'm fucking done with it. It hurts so much. I never thought anything could. I've known pain before. I've known the craving for drugs kick in after you've been awake for two weeks, and have nothing left to sell or eat, and things appear glaring from the walls whilst your insides burn and convulse. I've known the cracking of ribs as my legal guardian slammed me against the wall. I've known the snapping of an ankle as I jumped too far when I was 14. The scraping of branches gouging my stomach as my dad failed to catch me when I jumped from a tree when I was 8. I've known unrequited love, failed love, hopeless love. I've known hate, resentment, fury.
None of these compare. And I cannot love myself. And I just don't understand what the point is. How long can I suffer these things, before my romance gives in, and I just have to accept - it's not getting better. This is it. This is how it will be. Forever.
And when you think like that, then what is the point in anything at all?
Like a 12 year old, refusing to accept anyone can hurt as much as he does, because his favourite rock star died. Like a 15 year old in love, believing nothing could ever feel as strong as the love he feels now. But everything gets overshadowed, again and again. And sometimes emotion is so strong it literally hurts. I know this now. Before I would have said "I'm hurting" but that was metaphysical. That was in my head.
I just don't understand why it's all so hard. What's the point? Why does it have to be so difficult? Why?
Maybe, we could figure out what the outcome of everything would be. And we could go back and remove all the pain and suffering and unecessary stress, and just put everyone where they're supposed to be. Like the Ultimate Observer - though I think that theory could do with a bit of help.
Some would say - you need these hard experiences. You need them to build you. You need them to have character. To learn from.
Well, I'm done with learning. I'm fucking done with it. It hurts so much. I never thought anything could. I've known pain before. I've known the craving for drugs kick in after you've been awake for two weeks, and have nothing left to sell or eat, and things appear glaring from the walls whilst your insides burn and convulse. I've known the cracking of ribs as my legal guardian slammed me against the wall. I've known the snapping of an ankle as I jumped too far when I was 14. The scraping of branches gouging my stomach as my dad failed to catch me when I jumped from a tree when I was 8. I've known unrequited love, failed love, hopeless love. I've known hate, resentment, fury.
None of these compare. And I cannot love myself. And I just don't understand what the point is. How long can I suffer these things, before my romance gives in, and I just have to accept - it's not getting better. This is it. This is how it will be. Forever.
And when you think like that, then what is the point in anything at all?