What Goes On The Roof, Stays On The Roof
Title: What Goes On The Roof, Stays On The Roof
Rating: T for language
A/N: I always thought when Howard said that^, it meant him and Vince should have lots of sexytimes on the roof and then not acknowledge them. And so this was born.
It was just a kiss, it wasn't like it was a big deal or anything, 'least not to me 'cus I've kissed loads of people, see? Hundreds, even maybe, if I'm rounding up a bit and everybody does so I don't see why I shouldn't. I kissed someone else that very same night, a sparkly girl in a genius glittery top, so it's fine. It's nothing to me. But you would think that if that kiss hadn't been one of many, if it had been in fact your first then maybe it would mean something to you? Have a little bit of significance? Well if you did, you'd be wrong apparently. You'd also probably be thinking who the hell has their first kiss at our age? Well, I'm not going to feel sorry for Howard on that front. It's his own bloody fault he never lets anyone touch him, if he did I would have ages ago. No, wait, I don't mean I would have kissed him, I mean... Oh, fuck it. I don't know what I mean. Maybe I would have. Maybe that's the problem.
What goes on the roof, stays on the roof he said. Charming that innit? No wonder he can't get girls if that's the way he treats them. Not that I'm calling myself a girl here (enough of Camden seem to do that for me, ta very much) but still... A snog is a snog and you should show it some respect, yeah? Not chuck it aside instantly for a jazzy girl with a fondness for pencil cases. What are the chances of two people in a relationship both liking stationary? Bloody ridiculous. Is that what Howard's in now? A relationship? Surely not.
I found myself back up on the roof, somehow. I dunno. Maybe I thought it would help, perspective or summat. Less than 24 hours ago since I was last up here... Everything looks the same, but I feel like something's shifted. Maybe it's me.
“When you are the moon...”
Oh here we bloody go.
“It is easy to... to do the pulling. Girls, they say, moon... you are so big and white and milky... I think we... quite love you. Yeah. Love the moon. The pulling moon.”
“I can pull just fine, you big floating... jizz muffin!” I yelled up at him, inventively.
“Erm, everything alright?” A moustache poked up onto the roof, with a Northerner attached to it.
“Yeah. Fine. More than fine. Good. You?” I replied warily. I didn't really feel like talking to Howard. I really felt like giving Howard a massive hug, one that he would actually accept. Everything hurt, a bit.
“Yep. Yeah. Happening.”
Happening? Jesus, he really had cracked. Like I said, I really wasn't up for this. I wanted to ask about the jazzy girl but at the same time I really didn't. Howard climbed fully on to the roof to sit beside me and- oh, there's an idea.
“How did it go with that girl?” I asked, all bravery.
“I, erm, don't think she's the one for me. She's a Curiosity Killed The Cat fan.”
That's all I needed to hear. Swiftly, like the eagle, I leaned in and kissed Howard (and swiftness is where the eagle comparisons can end, thanks.)
He pulled away.
“What are you doing?” He looked a bit scared. But then, so was I, and I'm the brave one.
“What goes on the roof stays on the roof, yeah? S'what you said. So, this is fine. Right?”
He'd gone a bit red. And a bit starry eyed. And a bit goldfish-y. Oh, Howard.
“Yeah. Totally fine.”
He kissed me. It became sort of a thing.
xxx
We started off with some semblance of subtlety, for our own sakes I reckon as well as Naboo and Bollo's. We didn't have to address it. One of us would announce that they were going to look at the stars perhaps, or have a word with the moon or just get some air and the other would turn up a bit later and we'd kiss a bit. Or a lot, sometimes. Never anything else though. Roofs can be quite restricting. It got messier though, after a while, until I would just yell “Roof!” and we'd be off and it started to feel a bit... ridiculous. So I took action.
When Howard came upstairs at closing time, he looked perplexed. One of the perks of being incredibly unreliable is that if you don't turn up for work no-one looks for you, so I had been able to get to work unnoticed. Now, I hadn't been expecting Howard to catch on straight away (he never really does, bless 'im) I'd rather not have to take him through this step by vaguely embarrassing step, but judging by the look on his I'd have to, the tit.
“Vince. Why is there a pyramid in the living room? Covered in pillows?”
Jesus. I mentally face-palmed.
“It's not a pyramid. It's the roof.”
“Oh. Right... Why is the roof on the living room floor?”
“Because I really want you to fuck me but I thought that gravity might have other ideas.”
“Oh. Right.” Howard seemed to be fighting a smile. He also seemed to be going very red indeed. “That's a really good idea actually. Genius, in fact.”
Then he sort of lunged at me. We're sort of a thing now.
What goes on the roof also goes on in every room of the flat, and a few more besides...