You Should Never Sleep
Title: You Should Never Sleep (RPS)
Author: elevenfeathers
Pairing: Noel/Julian
Summary: Noel is having nightmares due to exhaustion and Julian's there to help.
Word Count: ~3500
Rating: PG, swearing.
Warnings: there are some disturbing themes, a bit of blood, a bit of bad language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Noel or Julian or any of the Mighty Boosh boys, the story isn't real and I don't mean to be creepy, it just happens.
Author’s Notes: A big thank you for beta'ing this and being oh so helpful to Mairead (thejigsawtimess).
This is my first time posting on livejournal so please be gentle! I can take concrit though.
It was quite a way into the tour when all the performances and after-parties got to him. Sure, he was tired when it had just started, too, but now he was positively exhausted. It was all too much, with seemingly no pause to really just relax. Of course there was a lot of time to just idle, before, between, after shows, when it wasn’t yet time to get up and do what he was supposed to, but he couldn’t do anything he wanted to, either, because it was too time-consuming. Overall, Noel was a bit frustrated with everything.
The thing with being exhausted for Noel is that, unlike most people, he can’t just go to bed and immediately fall asleep. When he’s this worn out, he has that ridiculous feeling of being too tired to sleep. Then he gets very grumpy and bratty, if you could call a man in his thirties that. But eventually, when he does pass out, when it’s almost time to get up again for a new day, he has nightmares. And they aren’t always contained behind his eyelids; sometimes they seem to seep into reality.
The first time it happened was when he and Mike were sharing a hotel room one night after a show. The streetlights outside made the room vague and shadowy, a kind of sickening dark yellow that you never really associated with home, only with scary, foreign places. Mike was woken up from his peaceful sleep by something he hadn’t heard in years. It was a few seconds of nearly unbearable noise before he understood where-who it was coming from.
“LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT OF THE BUS!!” Noel screamed, all but thrashing on the side of the bed. “I HAVE TO GO!” those were the only parts Mike could make out of the incoherent shouts, and he practically ran in his haste to get to his brother after turning on a light above his own bed, way across the room.
“Noel. Noel.” he stood in front of him and looked into his eyes, seemingly awake, but full of a kind of unhidden fear that if you’re lucky, you’ll only see once or twice in your life. Feelings that strong are always censored during the day, in real life. People never show you just how scared they are unless they’re put under inconceivable pressure. “Noel! NOEL! Wake up!” Mike started forcefully shaking his shoulders.
“LET ME GO!” he wasn’t even himself anymore, the sounds that came out of his mouth sounded nothing like the happy, bubbly Noel that talks and giggles through the day. It barely even sounded human. At that point, Mike ran to the wall and turned on all the lights. That seemed to help some, his big brother stopped screaming, but he still looked petrified. “Where am I? Who are you?!”
“It’s me, Noel, it’s Mike, your brother. We’re in a hotel, you’re safe.” Mike stepped right in front of him and that did it. Noel shook his head, refocused his eyes and finally he seemed to be back from whatever frightening place his subconscious had taken him.
“You were having a nightmare, you’re alright now.” Mike soothed when he sat down next to his brother, who was now holding on to his head as if he thought it might fall off. The smaller man stayed silent, letting Noel get back to reality.
“Sorry I woke you--” he started to say when he heard a knock at the door. Mike got up to unlock it, and behind the door was a very concerned member of staff.
“Is everything alright, sir? We heard a scream.”
“Yes, we’re sorry for the disturbance, my brother had a nightmare.” Mike chuckled a bit as he stood sideways so that the manager or whoever he was could see that Noel was alive and not slashed to bits and pieces. Noel even made the effort to give him a little tired wave from the bed, and a slurred apology.
As soon as Noel heard the man retreat back into the elevator, he stood up and grabbed his coat.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going out, I can’t be here, it’s too..” Noel trailed off with an indefinable hand gesture. “Sorry I woke you, go back to sleep, yeah?”
“But it’s the middle of the night-“
“Look, I’m taking my phone, I’ll be fine. Goodnight.” he said before Mike could protest again, or try to, and vanished into the hall and out of the building.
When Mike woke up again, it was to the sound of the door being closed, ever so quietly, but he heard it. Noel was still wearing last night’s pajamas and his green coat on top of them. He blinked, and realized it was already morning, almost mid-day even.
“You’re just coming back now?” he asked, incredulously, and Noel just shrugged in reply.
“I didn’t want to sleep.”
Mike seemed a bit like a frustrated parent, but let it go. He chalked it up to Noel just being Noel, sometimes a bit overdramatic.
---
The second time it happened was in the daytime. Noel was having a nap, and Dave was there. Everyone else was out for lunch or shopping or whatever else they bothered themselves with before a show, but Dave chose to have a nice daytime beer and lie down on a broken lawn chair on the balcony while it was sunny, because why the hell not?
“LET ME GO!!”
This time it didn’t help that it was light. Noel clearly didn’t have any idea where he was or who Dave was or what was happening at all. He kicked and screamed and punched Dave in the chest when he tried to calm him down, and it took him getting thrown back down on the sofa, face first, to shake him out of it. Dave held Noel’s arms tight behind his back, half sitting on him, so he couldn’t punch him again or run and jump out a closed window or something. Eventually the attack subsided, and Noel was breathing raggedly.
“Dave! Dave.” he managed, and his friend stood up and let him go. “’msorry, ’msorry.” Noel blurted out before breaking down completely, slumping next to the couch, sobbing so hard he thought he was going to throw up.
“It’s okay, Noel, it was just a nightmare. You were sleep… walking.” Dave said, for lack of a better word. More like having a sleep-panic-attack, but that just sounded ridiculous. He sat beside the shivering man and wound a protective, almost brotherly arm around him. Little by little Noel calmed down, sobs becoming sniffles, and in time he regained composure.
“Why do you keep yelling to let you out of the bus?”
“I actually said that?” Noel looked up at him incredulously.
“Not now, no, but Mike told me about the other night.”
“I don’t know, I kept thinking I was locked in the bus in the middle of nowhere and there were so many people all around, looking in through the windows and their faces were all disfigured and.. I never have dreams like this. They’re so… realistic.” Noel replied, barely louder than a whisper.
“I could tell.” Dave said quietly, not wanting to disturb him.
---
It was sometime later when they needed to sleep in the bus overnight. Noel hadn’t had any more nightmares after that scene with Dave, but he wasn’t exactly happy at the prospect either. He was never usually claustrophobic, but spending days on end in the tour bus just got to him. Having to perform for what seemed like six hours every night tired him out, too. Noel didn’t feel anything before going on stage, nothing at all. Hundreds of people watching him, and he felt nothing. But on the stage he was more alive than anywhere else, he smiled, he laughed, and it was real. And Julian was always there, silently encouraging. He never questioned Noel’s mood swings, however drastically different they were on and off stage. The others were getting a bit worried about Noel’s slump, which lasted longer than usual. Everyone has bad days or bad weeks, but normally he would always bounce back quickly. It had never gone on for quite this long.
Noel settled into the top bunk, tired from the day’s activities. He tried to fall asleep, but couldn’t, so he just thought about… things. Nothing specific, just random thoughts about the tour, the future, shiny things and new characters. After some time he heard someone moving about and he peeked out the little curtain. It was Julian, getting ready for bed.
“Hey.” Noel whispered, turning on his side so he could see him better.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“Nah, I wasn’t asleep. You’re only turning in now?”
Julian held up a book and smiled. “Had to finish it.” then the older man looked around at the other bunks. “You sure you want to sleep on the top one? I can wake Dave or Mike up and make them switch.” the older man was obviously informed about his fits.
Noel giggled at Julian’s serious face. “It’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” he still looked worried, his brows furrowed, forming little wrinkles on his forehead.
“I’m sure, Ju, go to sleep.”
“Alright, well, wake me if you need anything.”
“Thanks. Nighty, Juju.”
“Night.”
It was a few more hours until Noel fell asleep. He tried to listen to music, but that didn’t help at all, then he tried to read a book, but it was boring and his eyes hurt. So he just lay there, unmoving, until he finally drifted off into an uneasy slumber.
Of course he had a nightmare. The same one, over and over and over again as if that horrifying part of his subconscious was put on a loop. He was locked in the bus, and people-monsters-were trying to come in and get him. He knew that if he escaped he’d be devoured, but he couldn’t stay in any longer, he was suffocating. Hands appeared from under his bunk and grabbed him, a manic laugh echoed through the bus and died off, only leaving the sound of teeth violently clicking together and nails against glass. Noel didn’t know where he was because as far as he could see there were only eyes, millions of eyes glistening in the darkness of nowhere. He was paralyzed, and even if he could move, where would he go? But he had to, he had to run, because Noel was sure it was better to drown in the sea of eyes rather than be suffocated and die right there on his bunk, the manic laugh slowly drawing the life from him.
There was an earsplitting, bloodcurdling, soul-crushing scream, and a loud thump. The first one to get out of the fog of sleep was Dave, he got out of his bunk to see what was going on and almost tripped, as there was something lying on the floor. He turned on the lights and saw that Noel had fallen out of his bunk and hit his head on the little neon-light lined stairs.
“Fuck, Noel!” he yelled, kneeling down next to him and taking his head into his hands, desperately hoping he’d open his eyes. “Noel! Wake up! Noel!”
By this time everyone had woken up and someone shouted for the driver to stop at the side of the road. “Mike! Get some water!” Dave commanded. They splashed Noel’s face with cold water and he seemed to stir a little bit. Someone suggested they take him outside into the fresh night air, but Julian sat down on the floor of the tiny corridor, gently put Noel’s head in his lap, and tried to check if he hadn’t broken anything. In hindsight, this seemed a bit silly because it really wasn’t that big of a drop, but he might have fallen on his arm or hit his spine the wrong way. “He’s bleeding.” he said, loudly but with a sense of calm that only the most composed people could have in an emergency. “Quick, give me something for the wound!” and in a few seconds someone conjured up a clean piece of cloth that Julian gently pressed against the gash in Noel’s head. He couldn’t quite make out how bad it was through his dark hair, but there was a considerable amount of blood on his jeans, seeping through the fabric.
“Bw.. Mhghh.. Lemmego..lemghhm..” Noel was starting to come to, but wasn’t quite getting there.
“Noel! Noel, open your eyes. Wake up.”
“Goaway.. who’reyou…”
“Noel, it’s Julian. Come on, Noel, concentrate on my voice, open your eyes. Noel!” Julian kept saying his name, hoping it would give him a sense of self and his surroundings.
“Juj?...”
“Yes, it’s me, Julian, and you’re safe, nobody is coming to get you. Noel, wake up, it was all just a bad dream.” At that, he stirred, and opened his eyes, just a bit. Noel saw the ceiling and furrowed his eyebrows.
“Outside…”
At that everyone looked at each other in silent agreement. The chance that Noel had broken anything was small, and he seemed to be squirming a bit, as if he was trying to get out of his own skin. “Alright, Dave, grab his legs. Come on, gently, let’s go…” Julian would have carried the smaller man out himself but there wasn’t much room to maneuver him sideways out of the door, and he was still worried about his head, so he just kept it firmly pressed into his chest as they carried Noel out.
He definitely felt it as he was being carried somewhere by two pairs of strong arms and he started fighting it, trying to break free. “Noel! We’re just carrying you outside, into the fresh air, you’re safe.” he was still shaking his head. “Stay still, we’re almost there.” In the meantime, Rich and Mike found as many duvets and pillows as they could, so Noel could sit or lay down outside.
They gathered a few flashlights and turned on all the lights in the bus so that they could see clearly. Noel was beginning to wake up, still murmuring about monsters and whatnot while Julian and Dave tried his best to clean up his head wound. It wasn’t big, he probably didn’t need stitches, but there was a lot of blood. It was a bit like one of those scratches you get that are barely visible if they’re clean, but look like a gunshot wound if left untouched. The others just stood around, at a loss of what to do, how to help their friend.
“Julian?” Noel managed coherently for the first time.
“Hey.”
“What the fuck happened?” his voice was weak and hoarse.
“You fell out of your bunk and hit your head on the stairs.” Julian informed him calmly. “You’ll be fine. Do you wanna sit up?”
“Yeah…” he blinked rapidly for a few seconds and sat up with some help.
“How are you feeling?”
“Dizzy.” he said simply, placing his head on his knees.
It was quiet for a few minutes. Everyone just stood around, waiting for Noel to get himself together a little. After a while he lifted his head up and just for a second he looked at all the people with something akin to hatred, and a little bit of fear in his eyes. It was just a flash before his expression was only pained again, but Julian caught it and decided he needed some space. He nodded meaningfully at the bus, and everyone climbed in one by one. Julian stood up to go too, intending on looking at Noel through the window if he needed anything, but as soon as he moved, Noel caught his arm.
“No, can you stay please?” he asked, particularly emphasizing the word “you”. He knew Ju had silently ordered everyone away, even though he hadn’t actually seen it.
“Of course I can.” Julian sat down next to him and they were silent for a couple of minutes. “Are you okay?” he asked in a tone that implied that he wasn’t talking about his injury.
“I don’t know.” he said simply.
It was a while before they got back on the bus. Noel insisted that everyone go back to sleep as it was the dead of night. Eventually everyone did, all walking back to their bunks, throwing him worried glances every once in a while. Well, everyone except Julian.
“I’m alright, I’ll just watch a DVD or something. You need to get some sleep.” Noel kept saying and the older man just shook his head without any comment. They were sat on the little sofa in the living area of the bus, and music was playing quietly in the background. Julian stood up and made his way to where they kept drinks, thinking the situation called for some alcohol. He poured two shots of whiskey and gave one to Noel, along with a can of coke because he knew he wasn’t much of a whiskey person, but that was all they had.
“What’s happening, Noel? You’ve not been yourself lately.” Julian asked after they downed the whiskey.
“I guess I’m just tired.”
“I think you’re a bit more than tired.”
“I don’t know. I’ve just been feeling slightly claustrophobic. And I’m worn out from all the parties, but I can’t not go because otherwise there’s just all this time I don’t know what to do with. You know me, Juju, I love being with people. But at the same time I feel like I need more space, it kind of feels like they’re sucking the life right out of me, you know? And I don’t know which is worse, being bored out of my skull or exhausted in every way possible…”
It never took a lot to make Noel open up to Julian. He talked slowly, thinking it all over, and quietly, so as to not wake anyone up. “I guess that’s why I’ve been having all of them nightmares.”
“But you’re still great on stage. Hyperactive, even.”
“It’s easy up there. Feels sort of.. if I don’t want them to they can’t touch me. I’m in control. And it’s the Boosh, you know, it just feels like home. I miss home.” Noel looked at nothing in particular. “Go to sleep, I’ll be fine.” he said again, out of nowhere.
“I don’t want to sleep.” Julian shook his head again. And he didn’t just say that to stay awake and look after him, he truly didn’t want to. The incident was like an icy cold shower.
“Neither do I. What do you want to do?” The older man just shrugged his shoulders and walked over to where the collection of everyone’s DVD’s were. He popped in the first one he laid his eyes on.
It was some boring film and neither of them knew who belonged to, but they didn’t turn it off, just to have that feeling that there’s something else going on in the room other than them talking and trying not to fall asleep. Noel sat as close to Julian as he physically could, arms and legs touching. Whether he did it because he was chilly or because he needed comforting, Julian didn’t know, but he didn’t really overanalyze it because it was pretty much normal behavior for Noel to be practically sitting in your lap most of the time. The older man never asked him why he always insisted on invading his personal space like that. He just thought he was one of those people. Either way, he didn’t mind. He would, if it were anybody else, but Julian and Noel had a sort of connection that neither of them could really explain. It’s okay to be obnoxiously close for them because it just is.
As the night progressed, Noel got closer and closer to Julian- or, to be exact, more on him- and eventually the older man was half lying on the sofa, with Noel’s head on his chest and an arm casually draped around his torso. By the end of the excruciatingly long and mind-numbing film, Noel was just looking out into space with half-lidded eyes. Julian didn’t want to move to take the DVD out, and the younger man simply didn’t want to move, so they just stayed there like that, still and calm.
It wasn’t long until Noel’s breathing became slow and even, and he kept nuzzling against Julian’s chest, as if he wanted to get inside his ribcage. Julian knew he was on the threshold of sleep, so he experimentally moved his hand to stroke the younger man’s hair with the gentlest of touches because he knew (he doesn’t know how, or from who) that it calmed him down. Sure enough, he was out within minutes.
Julian didn’t sleep at all that night. He had the overwhelming need to look after Noel, to calm him down if he had another nightmare, and to just try and make sure he had a good night’s sleep. And for the first time in days, Noel slept, and nobody tried to come and get him.
Author: elevenfeathers
Pairing: Noel/Julian
Summary: Noel is having nightmares due to exhaustion and Julian's there to help.
Word Count: ~3500
Rating: PG, swearing.
Warnings: there are some disturbing themes, a bit of blood, a bit of bad language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Noel or Julian or any of the Mighty Boosh boys, the story isn't real and I don't mean to be creepy, it just happens.
Author’s Notes: A big thank you for beta'ing this and being oh so helpful to Mairead (thejigsawtimess).
This is my first time posting on livejournal so please be gentle! I can take concrit though.
It was quite a way into the tour when all the performances and after-parties got to him. Sure, he was tired when it had just started, too, but now he was positively exhausted. It was all too much, with seemingly no pause to really just relax. Of course there was a lot of time to just idle, before, between, after shows, when it wasn’t yet time to get up and do what he was supposed to, but he couldn’t do anything he wanted to, either, because it was too time-consuming. Overall, Noel was a bit frustrated with everything.
The thing with being exhausted for Noel is that, unlike most people, he can’t just go to bed and immediately fall asleep. When he’s this worn out, he has that ridiculous feeling of being too tired to sleep. Then he gets very grumpy and bratty, if you could call a man in his thirties that. But eventually, when he does pass out, when it’s almost time to get up again for a new day, he has nightmares. And they aren’t always contained behind his eyelids; sometimes they seem to seep into reality.
The first time it happened was when he and Mike were sharing a hotel room one night after a show. The streetlights outside made the room vague and shadowy, a kind of sickening dark yellow that you never really associated with home, only with scary, foreign places. Mike was woken up from his peaceful sleep by something he hadn’t heard in years. It was a few seconds of nearly unbearable noise before he understood where-who it was coming from.
“LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT OF THE BUS!!” Noel screamed, all but thrashing on the side of the bed. “I HAVE TO GO!” those were the only parts Mike could make out of the incoherent shouts, and he practically ran in his haste to get to his brother after turning on a light above his own bed, way across the room.
“Noel. Noel.” he stood in front of him and looked into his eyes, seemingly awake, but full of a kind of unhidden fear that if you’re lucky, you’ll only see once or twice in your life. Feelings that strong are always censored during the day, in real life. People never show you just how scared they are unless they’re put under inconceivable pressure. “Noel! NOEL! Wake up!” Mike started forcefully shaking his shoulders.
“LET ME GO!” he wasn’t even himself anymore, the sounds that came out of his mouth sounded nothing like the happy, bubbly Noel that talks and giggles through the day. It barely even sounded human. At that point, Mike ran to the wall and turned on all the lights. That seemed to help some, his big brother stopped screaming, but he still looked petrified. “Where am I? Who are you?!”
“It’s me, Noel, it’s Mike, your brother. We’re in a hotel, you’re safe.” Mike stepped right in front of him and that did it. Noel shook his head, refocused his eyes and finally he seemed to be back from whatever frightening place his subconscious had taken him.
“You were having a nightmare, you’re alright now.” Mike soothed when he sat down next to his brother, who was now holding on to his head as if he thought it might fall off. The smaller man stayed silent, letting Noel get back to reality.
“Sorry I woke you--” he started to say when he heard a knock at the door. Mike got up to unlock it, and behind the door was a very concerned member of staff.
“Is everything alright, sir? We heard a scream.”
“Yes, we’re sorry for the disturbance, my brother had a nightmare.” Mike chuckled a bit as he stood sideways so that the manager or whoever he was could see that Noel was alive and not slashed to bits and pieces. Noel even made the effort to give him a little tired wave from the bed, and a slurred apology.
As soon as Noel heard the man retreat back into the elevator, he stood up and grabbed his coat.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going out, I can’t be here, it’s too..” Noel trailed off with an indefinable hand gesture. “Sorry I woke you, go back to sleep, yeah?”
“But it’s the middle of the night-“
“Look, I’m taking my phone, I’ll be fine. Goodnight.” he said before Mike could protest again, or try to, and vanished into the hall and out of the building.
When Mike woke up again, it was to the sound of the door being closed, ever so quietly, but he heard it. Noel was still wearing last night’s pajamas and his green coat on top of them. He blinked, and realized it was already morning, almost mid-day even.
“You’re just coming back now?” he asked, incredulously, and Noel just shrugged in reply.
“I didn’t want to sleep.”
Mike seemed a bit like a frustrated parent, but let it go. He chalked it up to Noel just being Noel, sometimes a bit overdramatic.
---
The second time it happened was in the daytime. Noel was having a nap, and Dave was there. Everyone else was out for lunch or shopping or whatever else they bothered themselves with before a show, but Dave chose to have a nice daytime beer and lie down on a broken lawn chair on the balcony while it was sunny, because why the hell not?
“LET ME GO!!”
This time it didn’t help that it was light. Noel clearly didn’t have any idea where he was or who Dave was or what was happening at all. He kicked and screamed and punched Dave in the chest when he tried to calm him down, and it took him getting thrown back down on the sofa, face first, to shake him out of it. Dave held Noel’s arms tight behind his back, half sitting on him, so he couldn’t punch him again or run and jump out a closed window or something. Eventually the attack subsided, and Noel was breathing raggedly.
“Dave! Dave.” he managed, and his friend stood up and let him go. “’msorry, ’msorry.” Noel blurted out before breaking down completely, slumping next to the couch, sobbing so hard he thought he was going to throw up.
“It’s okay, Noel, it was just a nightmare. You were sleep… walking.” Dave said, for lack of a better word. More like having a sleep-panic-attack, but that just sounded ridiculous. He sat beside the shivering man and wound a protective, almost brotherly arm around him. Little by little Noel calmed down, sobs becoming sniffles, and in time he regained composure.
“Why do you keep yelling to let you out of the bus?”
“I actually said that?” Noel looked up at him incredulously.
“Not now, no, but Mike told me about the other night.”
“I don’t know, I kept thinking I was locked in the bus in the middle of nowhere and there were so many people all around, looking in through the windows and their faces were all disfigured and.. I never have dreams like this. They’re so… realistic.” Noel replied, barely louder than a whisper.
“I could tell.” Dave said quietly, not wanting to disturb him.
---
It was sometime later when they needed to sleep in the bus overnight. Noel hadn’t had any more nightmares after that scene with Dave, but he wasn’t exactly happy at the prospect either. He was never usually claustrophobic, but spending days on end in the tour bus just got to him. Having to perform for what seemed like six hours every night tired him out, too. Noel didn’t feel anything before going on stage, nothing at all. Hundreds of people watching him, and he felt nothing. But on the stage he was more alive than anywhere else, he smiled, he laughed, and it was real. And Julian was always there, silently encouraging. He never questioned Noel’s mood swings, however drastically different they were on and off stage. The others were getting a bit worried about Noel’s slump, which lasted longer than usual. Everyone has bad days or bad weeks, but normally he would always bounce back quickly. It had never gone on for quite this long.
Noel settled into the top bunk, tired from the day’s activities. He tried to fall asleep, but couldn’t, so he just thought about… things. Nothing specific, just random thoughts about the tour, the future, shiny things and new characters. After some time he heard someone moving about and he peeked out the little curtain. It was Julian, getting ready for bed.
“Hey.” Noel whispered, turning on his side so he could see him better.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“Nah, I wasn’t asleep. You’re only turning in now?”
Julian held up a book and smiled. “Had to finish it.” then the older man looked around at the other bunks. “You sure you want to sleep on the top one? I can wake Dave or Mike up and make them switch.” the older man was obviously informed about his fits.
Noel giggled at Julian’s serious face. “It’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” he still looked worried, his brows furrowed, forming little wrinkles on his forehead.
“I’m sure, Ju, go to sleep.”
“Alright, well, wake me if you need anything.”
“Thanks. Nighty, Juju.”
“Night.”
It was a few more hours until Noel fell asleep. He tried to listen to music, but that didn’t help at all, then he tried to read a book, but it was boring and his eyes hurt. So he just lay there, unmoving, until he finally drifted off into an uneasy slumber.
Of course he had a nightmare. The same one, over and over and over again as if that horrifying part of his subconscious was put on a loop. He was locked in the bus, and people-monsters-were trying to come in and get him. He knew that if he escaped he’d be devoured, but he couldn’t stay in any longer, he was suffocating. Hands appeared from under his bunk and grabbed him, a manic laugh echoed through the bus and died off, only leaving the sound of teeth violently clicking together and nails against glass. Noel didn’t know where he was because as far as he could see there were only eyes, millions of eyes glistening in the darkness of nowhere. He was paralyzed, and even if he could move, where would he go? But he had to, he had to run, because Noel was sure it was better to drown in the sea of eyes rather than be suffocated and die right there on his bunk, the manic laugh slowly drawing the life from him.
There was an earsplitting, bloodcurdling, soul-crushing scream, and a loud thump. The first one to get out of the fog of sleep was Dave, he got out of his bunk to see what was going on and almost tripped, as there was something lying on the floor. He turned on the lights and saw that Noel had fallen out of his bunk and hit his head on the little neon-light lined stairs.
“Fuck, Noel!” he yelled, kneeling down next to him and taking his head into his hands, desperately hoping he’d open his eyes. “Noel! Wake up! Noel!”
By this time everyone had woken up and someone shouted for the driver to stop at the side of the road. “Mike! Get some water!” Dave commanded. They splashed Noel’s face with cold water and he seemed to stir a little bit. Someone suggested they take him outside into the fresh night air, but Julian sat down on the floor of the tiny corridor, gently put Noel’s head in his lap, and tried to check if he hadn’t broken anything. In hindsight, this seemed a bit silly because it really wasn’t that big of a drop, but he might have fallen on his arm or hit his spine the wrong way. “He’s bleeding.” he said, loudly but with a sense of calm that only the most composed people could have in an emergency. “Quick, give me something for the wound!” and in a few seconds someone conjured up a clean piece of cloth that Julian gently pressed against the gash in Noel’s head. He couldn’t quite make out how bad it was through his dark hair, but there was a considerable amount of blood on his jeans, seeping through the fabric.
“Bw.. Mhghh.. Lemmego..lemghhm..” Noel was starting to come to, but wasn’t quite getting there.
“Noel! Noel, open your eyes. Wake up.”
“Goaway.. who’reyou…”
“Noel, it’s Julian. Come on, Noel, concentrate on my voice, open your eyes. Noel!” Julian kept saying his name, hoping it would give him a sense of self and his surroundings.
“Juj?...”
“Yes, it’s me, Julian, and you’re safe, nobody is coming to get you. Noel, wake up, it was all just a bad dream.” At that, he stirred, and opened his eyes, just a bit. Noel saw the ceiling and furrowed his eyebrows.
“Outside…”
At that everyone looked at each other in silent agreement. The chance that Noel had broken anything was small, and he seemed to be squirming a bit, as if he was trying to get out of his own skin. “Alright, Dave, grab his legs. Come on, gently, let’s go…” Julian would have carried the smaller man out himself but there wasn’t much room to maneuver him sideways out of the door, and he was still worried about his head, so he just kept it firmly pressed into his chest as they carried Noel out.
He definitely felt it as he was being carried somewhere by two pairs of strong arms and he started fighting it, trying to break free. “Noel! We’re just carrying you outside, into the fresh air, you’re safe.” he was still shaking his head. “Stay still, we’re almost there.” In the meantime, Rich and Mike found as many duvets and pillows as they could, so Noel could sit or lay down outside.
They gathered a few flashlights and turned on all the lights in the bus so that they could see clearly. Noel was beginning to wake up, still murmuring about monsters and whatnot while Julian and Dave tried his best to clean up his head wound. It wasn’t big, he probably didn’t need stitches, but there was a lot of blood. It was a bit like one of those scratches you get that are barely visible if they’re clean, but look like a gunshot wound if left untouched. The others just stood around, at a loss of what to do, how to help their friend.
“Julian?” Noel managed coherently for the first time.
“Hey.”
“What the fuck happened?” his voice was weak and hoarse.
“You fell out of your bunk and hit your head on the stairs.” Julian informed him calmly. “You’ll be fine. Do you wanna sit up?”
“Yeah…” he blinked rapidly for a few seconds and sat up with some help.
“How are you feeling?”
“Dizzy.” he said simply, placing his head on his knees.
It was quiet for a few minutes. Everyone just stood around, waiting for Noel to get himself together a little. After a while he lifted his head up and just for a second he looked at all the people with something akin to hatred, and a little bit of fear in his eyes. It was just a flash before his expression was only pained again, but Julian caught it and decided he needed some space. He nodded meaningfully at the bus, and everyone climbed in one by one. Julian stood up to go too, intending on looking at Noel through the window if he needed anything, but as soon as he moved, Noel caught his arm.
“No, can you stay please?” he asked, particularly emphasizing the word “you”. He knew Ju had silently ordered everyone away, even though he hadn’t actually seen it.
“Of course I can.” Julian sat down next to him and they were silent for a couple of minutes. “Are you okay?” he asked in a tone that implied that he wasn’t talking about his injury.
“I don’t know.” he said simply.
It was a while before they got back on the bus. Noel insisted that everyone go back to sleep as it was the dead of night. Eventually everyone did, all walking back to their bunks, throwing him worried glances every once in a while. Well, everyone except Julian.
“I’m alright, I’ll just watch a DVD or something. You need to get some sleep.” Noel kept saying and the older man just shook his head without any comment. They were sat on the little sofa in the living area of the bus, and music was playing quietly in the background. Julian stood up and made his way to where they kept drinks, thinking the situation called for some alcohol. He poured two shots of whiskey and gave one to Noel, along with a can of coke because he knew he wasn’t much of a whiskey person, but that was all they had.
“What’s happening, Noel? You’ve not been yourself lately.” Julian asked after they downed the whiskey.
“I guess I’m just tired.”
“I think you’re a bit more than tired.”
“I don’t know. I’ve just been feeling slightly claustrophobic. And I’m worn out from all the parties, but I can’t not go because otherwise there’s just all this time I don’t know what to do with. You know me, Juju, I love being with people. But at the same time I feel like I need more space, it kind of feels like they’re sucking the life right out of me, you know? And I don’t know which is worse, being bored out of my skull or exhausted in every way possible…”
It never took a lot to make Noel open up to Julian. He talked slowly, thinking it all over, and quietly, so as to not wake anyone up. “I guess that’s why I’ve been having all of them nightmares.”
“But you’re still great on stage. Hyperactive, even.”
“It’s easy up there. Feels sort of.. if I don’t want them to they can’t touch me. I’m in control. And it’s the Boosh, you know, it just feels like home. I miss home.” Noel looked at nothing in particular. “Go to sleep, I’ll be fine.” he said again, out of nowhere.
“I don’t want to sleep.” Julian shook his head again. And he didn’t just say that to stay awake and look after him, he truly didn’t want to. The incident was like an icy cold shower.
“Neither do I. What do you want to do?” The older man just shrugged his shoulders and walked over to where the collection of everyone’s DVD’s were. He popped in the first one he laid his eyes on.
It was some boring film and neither of them knew who belonged to, but they didn’t turn it off, just to have that feeling that there’s something else going on in the room other than them talking and trying not to fall asleep. Noel sat as close to Julian as he physically could, arms and legs touching. Whether he did it because he was chilly or because he needed comforting, Julian didn’t know, but he didn’t really overanalyze it because it was pretty much normal behavior for Noel to be practically sitting in your lap most of the time. The older man never asked him why he always insisted on invading his personal space like that. He just thought he was one of those people. Either way, he didn’t mind. He would, if it were anybody else, but Julian and Noel had a sort of connection that neither of them could really explain. It’s okay to be obnoxiously close for them because it just is.
As the night progressed, Noel got closer and closer to Julian- or, to be exact, more on him- and eventually the older man was half lying on the sofa, with Noel’s head on his chest and an arm casually draped around his torso. By the end of the excruciatingly long and mind-numbing film, Noel was just looking out into space with half-lidded eyes. Julian didn’t want to move to take the DVD out, and the younger man simply didn’t want to move, so they just stayed there like that, still and calm.
It wasn’t long until Noel’s breathing became slow and even, and he kept nuzzling against Julian’s chest, as if he wanted to get inside his ribcage. Julian knew he was on the threshold of sleep, so he experimentally moved his hand to stroke the younger man’s hair with the gentlest of touches because he knew (he doesn’t know how, or from who) that it calmed him down. Sure enough, he was out within minutes.
Julian didn’t sleep at all that night. He had the overwhelming need to look after Noel, to calm him down if he had another nightmare, and to just try and make sure he had a good night’s sleep. And for the first time in days, Noel slept, and nobody tried to come and get him.