I bring you heartfelt fiction.
“Why do you not let me round your house any more Chris?” Sue whined, tugging at his arm, waving the chocolate bar she was eating in the air.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you came round last month,” Chris said softly, shifting away from the possible inhalation of calories.
“But you come round my house practically every day! It’s not fair!” Sue was angry and slapping her hand on the table now.
“I... I have to go now,” Chris whispered, changing his sequinned hat for the more suitable outdoors!hat. He quickly left the table in Sue’s kitchen and shuffled away and out of the door, Sue still glaring at him.
*****
“Dee, why aren’t you listening to me?” Sue moaned.
Dee turned away momentarily from her pies and looked Sue in the eye.
“What was the problem?”
“It’s Chris. He won’t let me round his house anymore. And he’s acting all shifty about it.” Sue looked concerned about Chris. Dee knew Sue didn’t worry about much; she ignored the ruffs and the sequins, the hats and the anorexia to see the true Corner underneath it all, but this was serious.
“Well then, let’s resolve this, shall we? Let’s go down there and force our way in.”
Sue sighed; she had hoped it wouldn’t come to violence, but Dee had that glint in her eye that she always had when smashing down a door or threatening someone and she knew there was no stopping her.
“Are you bringing Noel?”
Dee contemplated the question for a second. “Yes, he needs the exercise.” She disappeared from the room for a moment and then returned with Noel on a leash.
“Dee,” Noel complained, “the collar is too tight. Can I at least take it off when we’re near Chris’s house?”
“Shut up Noel! Or I’ll never peg you again.”
Noel gulped and hung his head, looking sorrowful.
And so off they went, to the Corner’s lair.
*****
They rang the doorbell once, twice, three times to no reply.
“I don’t think he’s in; maybe he’s out recording something or-”
Sue was interrupted by Dee stepping backwards and smashing her shoulder into the door, causing it to fall away. They all stepped inside (Noel now off his leash, for being good) and were interested to find a little rope with the words ‘pull me for candy’.
“Wait! It’s a trap! Corner doesn’t do calories!” Noel shouted, but it was too late. Dee had pulled the rope, and a cage had fallen down on top of them all, and as hard as Dee tried move it, the iron was just too thick.
“This has Chris’s workmanship written all over it,” Sue stated simply.
“Huh?” Noel questioned.
“He built me a guinea pig cage quite recently; I knew he was too good at it to not have practised before.”
Just then, a small hatch opened and a child wearing a unicorn horn stepped through it. The child looked shocked and confused, before backing out of the hatch again. Noel, Dee and Sue heard the child shout “Mr Corner!” and then several other children’s faces popped out of the hatch (all wearing unicorn horns), looking at the strangers in disbelief.
“Have you come to take us home?” One asked, before a voice could be heard shouting;
“Get back to work! Those hats aren’t going to make themselves!”
Chris stepped through the hatch and paused, looking worried, and seeing his girlfriend standing looking very, very disapproving inside the cage he had built.
“I swear there’s a logical explanation for this…”
“Don’t be ridiculous, you came round last month,” Chris said softly, shifting away from the possible inhalation of calories.
“But you come round my house practically every day! It’s not fair!” Sue was angry and slapping her hand on the table now.
“I... I have to go now,” Chris whispered, changing his sequinned hat for the more suitable outdoors!hat. He quickly left the table in Sue’s kitchen and shuffled away and out of the door, Sue still glaring at him.
*****
“Dee, why aren’t you listening to me?” Sue moaned.
Dee turned away momentarily from her pies and looked Sue in the eye.
“What was the problem?”
“It’s Chris. He won’t let me round his house anymore. And he’s acting all shifty about it.” Sue looked concerned about Chris. Dee knew Sue didn’t worry about much; she ignored the ruffs and the sequins, the hats and the anorexia to see the true Corner underneath it all, but this was serious.
“Well then, let’s resolve this, shall we? Let’s go down there and force our way in.”
Sue sighed; she had hoped it wouldn’t come to violence, but Dee had that glint in her eye that she always had when smashing down a door or threatening someone and she knew there was no stopping her.
“Are you bringing Noel?”
Dee contemplated the question for a second. “Yes, he needs the exercise.” She disappeared from the room for a moment and then returned with Noel on a leash.
“Dee,” Noel complained, “the collar is too tight. Can I at least take it off when we’re near Chris’s house?”
“Shut up Noel! Or I’ll never peg you again.”
Noel gulped and hung his head, looking sorrowful.
And so off they went, to the Corner’s lair.
*****
They rang the doorbell once, twice, three times to no reply.
“I don’t think he’s in; maybe he’s out recording something or-”
Sue was interrupted by Dee stepping backwards and smashing her shoulder into the door, causing it to fall away. They all stepped inside (Noel now off his leash, for being good) and were interested to find a little rope with the words ‘pull me for candy’.
“Wait! It’s a trap! Corner doesn’t do calories!” Noel shouted, but it was too late. Dee had pulled the rope, and a cage had fallen down on top of them all, and as hard as Dee tried move it, the iron was just too thick.
“This has Chris’s workmanship written all over it,” Sue stated simply.
“Huh?” Noel questioned.
“He built me a guinea pig cage quite recently; I knew he was too good at it to not have practised before.”
Just then, a small hatch opened and a child wearing a unicorn horn stepped through it. The child looked shocked and confused, before backing out of the hatch again. Noel, Dee and Sue heard the child shout “Mr Corner!” and then several other children’s faces popped out of the hatch (all wearing unicorn horns), looking at the strangers in disbelief.
“Have you come to take us home?” One asked, before a voice could be heard shouting;
“Get back to work! Those hats aren’t going to make themselves!”
Chris stepped through the hatch and paused, looking worried, and seeing his girlfriend standing looking very, very disapproving inside the cage he had built.
“I swear there’s a logical explanation for this…”