Mar 10, 2010 12:15
another passive roll towards the wall--
god knows I have become so familiar with the wall (and other walls before his)
i memorize every crevice and run my fingernail through the crack in the wood panel
sometimes crying sometimes fuming but usually both
because i'm laid out and my hands travel all over his body and i'm waiting to see
if he will take the hint or if he will kiss my forehead, pull me closer, and fall asleep.
and I have a strange habit of counting how often it's the latter
and the space between expecting us to make love and sleep I lay awake thinking too hard
so by morning when he wakes up with a plan to leave 2 days early for Florida
my heart has already broken ten times and my eyes swell up for the 3rd morning in a row
and I tell him I have an urge to ditch this whole situation
which is chock full of disappointment and my attraction to things just out of reach.
but once again nothing is solved-- he just pulls me a little closer
i smoke and watch the sky prepare to pour while he puts things in bags and loads up his car
we go to breakfast and he reads the newspaper.
which I find rude-- accompanied solitude.
and he leaves so nonchalantly
drives away with god knows what on his mind
and he'll be back but then he'll leave again
and it makes my heart hurt and maybe i'm better off not knowing him