À vous, mon coeur appartient....
It has been a while since my last post, a lot has happened I guess.
Most of you know that my grandpa passed away recently. Thanks to everyone who called or emailed me, it meant a great deal. The funeral was beautiful, it was on the only sunny day of the week. He was buried in Calvary cemetery on a gorgeous fall afternoon. The family is holding up well. My grandpa's health had been on a steady decline over the past three years, with the last year being especially hard for him so my grandma and mother especially were somewhat prepared for it. My sister took it especially bad, but she is doing better now. I'll miss you pawpaw.
School is going very very well, though it is driving me insane. This will turn out to be my most academically succesful year at college thus far. It is nice to actually feel good about my grades for once.
I have been hanging out with Turtle a lot lately. He and my sister and I saw Dracula at Actors the week before last and it was really good. It has been forever since I had seen it and I do believe we had some of the best seats there. I still love him. Every day I think about him. We are so alike and at the same time very different. Mostly I think about the relationship we had two years ago, how special and perfect it was. Then I think about how I threw it all away. It kills me to think that I may never be able to feel that with him again. He has taken my emotional barriers and crushed them. The thought of him dating someone else absolutely kills me. I'm sure It would be really easy to get an answer and just ask him if he still loves me, can still love me, but I can not bring myself to do it. Hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive right now. I can only pray that if he does not love me or want to be with me right now, that someday in the future he will. I am finally ready to reciprocate the love and affection he showed me two years ago.
"As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients, and how to take care of eachother. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons, we have to be in the know. But sometimes, as human beings, we have to stay in the dark. Because in the dark, there may be fear, but there's also hope."--Meredith Grey, from Grey's Anatomy.
I know, I know, but it's like my favorite show and not to mention that besides the surgeon babble I completely relate.
I have been doing some soul searching as well. It seems that I am not the person I thought I was. At least, not entirely. I have always liked to think of myself as an extremely personable individual but that seems to not be the case. I realize that I have changed over the past few years, I know that I am not the exceedingly nice--will do anything to make you happy person that I once was. Still though, I never thought of myself as being unapproachable, or standoffish. I dont know, I still like to think there is something good left in me.
Je manque les jours dans le passé,
quand je me réveillerais avec votre tête se trouvant sur mon coffre.
Je manque le sentir de vos lèvres sur le mien,
et la chaleur du votre embrassent.
Cela me manque de voir que la lueur dans votre oeil,
il m'a toujours fait le sourire.
Être avec vous était l'un des temps les plus heureux de ma vie et je ne veux rien davantage que pour sentir ces choses encore de sorte qu'elles ne soient pas simplement une mémoire.
Je suis si désolé je jamais ne vous ai je t'aime dit cela.
Just as a side not, if you run that through a translator it will probablly come out wrong as I just tested it out.
Most of you know that my grandpa passed away recently. Thanks to everyone who called or emailed me, it meant a great deal. The funeral was beautiful, it was on the only sunny day of the week. He was buried in Calvary cemetery on a gorgeous fall afternoon. The family is holding up well. My grandpa's health had been on a steady decline over the past three years, with the last year being especially hard for him so my grandma and mother especially were somewhat prepared for it. My sister took it especially bad, but she is doing better now. I'll miss you pawpaw.
School is going very very well, though it is driving me insane. This will turn out to be my most academically succesful year at college thus far. It is nice to actually feel good about my grades for once.
I have been hanging out with Turtle a lot lately. He and my sister and I saw Dracula at Actors the week before last and it was really good. It has been forever since I had seen it and I do believe we had some of the best seats there. I still love him. Every day I think about him. We are so alike and at the same time very different. Mostly I think about the relationship we had two years ago, how special and perfect it was. Then I think about how I threw it all away. It kills me to think that I may never be able to feel that with him again. He has taken my emotional barriers and crushed them. The thought of him dating someone else absolutely kills me. I'm sure It would be really easy to get an answer and just ask him if he still loves me, can still love me, but I can not bring myself to do it. Hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive right now. I can only pray that if he does not love me or want to be with me right now, that someday in the future he will. I am finally ready to reciprocate the love and affection he showed me two years ago.
"As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients, and how to take care of eachother. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons, we have to be in the know. But sometimes, as human beings, we have to stay in the dark. Because in the dark, there may be fear, but there's also hope."--Meredith Grey, from Grey's Anatomy.
I know, I know, but it's like my favorite show and not to mention that besides the surgeon babble I completely relate.
I have been doing some soul searching as well. It seems that I am not the person I thought I was. At least, not entirely. I have always liked to think of myself as an extremely personable individual but that seems to not be the case. I realize that I have changed over the past few years, I know that I am not the exceedingly nice--will do anything to make you happy person that I once was. Still though, I never thought of myself as being unapproachable, or standoffish. I dont know, I still like to think there is something good left in me.
Je manque les jours dans le passé,
quand je me réveillerais avec votre tête se trouvant sur mon coffre.
Je manque le sentir de vos lèvres sur le mien,
et la chaleur du votre embrassent.
Cela me manque de voir que la lueur dans votre oeil,
il m'a toujours fait le sourire.
Être avec vous était l'un des temps les plus heureux de ma vie et je ne veux rien davantage que pour sentir ces choses encore de sorte qu'elles ne soient pas simplement une mémoire.
Je suis si désolé je jamais ne vous ai je t'aime dit cela.
Just as a side not, if you run that through a translator it will probablly come out wrong as I just tested it out.