a little something
this kinda streamed out of my head onto paper. (okay, onto lj.) but I thnk it's pretty good, and a bit ambiguous, which is kinda what I was going for.
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Silence
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing ever makes sense anymore.
Not since he died,
not since he left me.
We were together for a really long time, you know? he was so sweet and so charming. I couldn't help but smile whne he walked into a room. I couldn't believe it when he first asked me out. I'd never have dreampt that someone like him would want anyone like me. My friends told me I was a "good person," but i knew what that meant. I was destined to be lonely. But he changed that. He changed everything.
That first date, I was so nervous. I hadn't ever been out on a date with anyone else, so everything was new. The jitters, the butterflies, the anticipation, I was so scared.
When he picked me up in that black Mercedes of his, I was floating. I don't even remember what we talked about on our way to the restaurant. I just remember his smile. When we got there, he even came around and got my car door. I don't think I've ever been treated that way. We got our table and sat down, and we spent 3 hours just enjoying each other's company; soaking up the feeling of being together and belonging.
That was my very first kiss. And it was magical.
Later, he would tell me that that he had secretly had a crush on me. That he had always thought that I was so funny and smart and cute. I'd never looked at myself that way. But he allowed me to look at myself through his eyes, and it changed me forever. I don't think I will ever forget that feeling.
But now he's gone. I hope he's in a better place. I hope he doesn't have to deal with all this bullshit. I don't know if I can make it without him. The state is prosecuting the guy who hit him. They wanted me to testify at the sentencing, but I won't give them the testimony they want. He wouldn't want anyone else to be hurt by what's happened, and I want to honor him.
I told the judge that it's over. That there's nothing he could do to the guy to make the world turn back. There was no way he could undo the drunk driving or brink my man back to me. But there was one thing he could do. He could make sure that no one else lost their lives over this. That he could leave the guy alone. He would have to live the rest of his life knowing that he had killed someone, and that was a good enough punishment.
Now all I have is the silence;
the silence of our bedroom, and the cold sheets on the bed that are still wet from the tear's I've cried.
And I have to face another day, and try to make sense,
of why he's gone,
and I'm still here.
**********
Please comment. Constructive crtiticism is appreciated.
**********
Silence
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing ever makes sense anymore.
Not since he died,
not since he left me.
We were together for a really long time, you know? he was so sweet and so charming. I couldn't help but smile whne he walked into a room. I couldn't believe it when he first asked me out. I'd never have dreampt that someone like him would want anyone like me. My friends told me I was a "good person," but i knew what that meant. I was destined to be lonely. But he changed that. He changed everything.
That first date, I was so nervous. I hadn't ever been out on a date with anyone else, so everything was new. The jitters, the butterflies, the anticipation, I was so scared.
When he picked me up in that black Mercedes of his, I was floating. I don't even remember what we talked about on our way to the restaurant. I just remember his smile. When we got there, he even came around and got my car door. I don't think I've ever been treated that way. We got our table and sat down, and we spent 3 hours just enjoying each other's company; soaking up the feeling of being together and belonging.
That was my very first kiss. And it was magical.
Later, he would tell me that that he had secretly had a crush on me. That he had always thought that I was so funny and smart and cute. I'd never looked at myself that way. But he allowed me to look at myself through his eyes, and it changed me forever. I don't think I will ever forget that feeling.
But now he's gone. I hope he's in a better place. I hope he doesn't have to deal with all this bullshit. I don't know if I can make it without him. The state is prosecuting the guy who hit him. They wanted me to testify at the sentencing, but I won't give them the testimony they want. He wouldn't want anyone else to be hurt by what's happened, and I want to honor him.
I told the judge that it's over. That there's nothing he could do to the guy to make the world turn back. There was no way he could undo the drunk driving or brink my man back to me. But there was one thing he could do. He could make sure that no one else lost their lives over this. That he could leave the guy alone. He would have to live the rest of his life knowing that he had killed someone, and that was a good enough punishment.
Now all I have is the silence;
the silence of our bedroom, and the cold sheets on the bed that are still wet from the tear's I've cried.
And I have to face another day, and try to make sense,
of why he's gone,
and I'm still here.
**********
Please comment. Constructive crtiticism is appreciated.