Passing over like mistaken flatulent

[boon_pan]

I think Christmas is going to pass me over. I mean I really want to get excited for it, but for some reason, I have no feeling that it's red and green out. Maybe it's because I am the only one living in this whole complex, or maybe it's the hours I have been putting in work. It could also maybe be the fact that I haven't seen my parents for more than 5 minutes or stayed at the house since August. As weak as this sounds but I have to admit, I don't have a gift to give to anyone. And I don't mean a friend or family member. I feel like I have this addiction to being busy. I am always trying to stay busy, like a widowed wife or something. I set things up so I have no free time and then that make me sad because I miss out on things. But in the same sense I am sad when I am not doing anything. And So this is christmas, and what have I done?

I realize with age, Christmas time loses it's magic, but maybe part of this holiday is being lost with the way I do things. I hope I can grasp this holiday time before it sweeps over me.