I listened to classical music while eating an apple says Jen
SO. we all have these times in our life when we dont know what we want, where we will go or what we will do. But then we have some kind of realization and it all makes perfect sense. Of course, these up comings lead us to believe that something good will happen if you return the favor to others aka karma. Now, I like to think of myself as a good person. I'll drive anywhere for you, if you need money I will loan it to you, if your hungry I will feed you, etc etc. BUT it came to my mind about half an hour ago that I do these things all the time and continue to be "shot down" So the question is, when will it be my turn? Cause right now, I dont get any chances.
Maybe its because I have what I like to call "Inner Demons." "Inner Demons" are thoughts, feelings, and things I would want to say out loud that just end up staying inside of me, continuing to be bottled up, and one day going to explode like what happened 3 years ago and we all know that nobody wants to see that again. Its probably because I dont talk (which continues to be a problem for some people). I'm more of a listener and even then there are things that I dont want to hear. Well...maybe it would be easier to make a list.
I'm gonna call it "Whats wrong with Colleen" or "The things people want to say but cant say it to my Face"
1. As stated above: I dont talk. Its not that I cant talk cause we all know I have it in me but I choose not to. I find it enjoyable sitting around and listening to other people. I like to hear their stories.
2. Number 1 branches off into the others: Because I dont talk I tend to keep everything bottled up inside. But thats just not my own fault. I've only found one person whom I can talk to that will actually listen to everything I have to say without me being interupted by some story or problem that person I am talking to is trying to put forth and she is living with me right now. Thank You. But then again I can be hypocritical about the situation and when people ask me what is wrong I will say nothing eventho there is definately something wrong. I trained myself to do it subconsiously without thinking twice about what I am saying.
3. Which in a nut shell is saying "I talk when I want to talk"
4. I am not dependent on anybody. I dont NEED people around me 24/7 nor do I want that, it would drive me insane. I'm a really independent person. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I have my own place, my own car, a good enough job that I actually like and I have people that will be there if I ever need them.
5. Heres the fun one: After much thought and consideration I have come to the conclusion that I dont want a boyfriend now. I work 30+ hours a week, I'm going to school for another week and a half and then school starts up again in the fall. I dont even have time for my friends. So, I dont have the time or the money to do this. PLUS if I did get into one it wouldnt last very long because I dont know where I'm going to be next year. I might not even be in Wisconsin, who knows? I will go where ever the job will be.
6. Which leads to number 6....I'm a workaholic. I LOVE working. Would never miss it in the world. and I love making money. Which makes me a greedy bitch doesnt it.
7. I enjoy being in a clean envionment. and I'm really picky.
8. Heres a new one. I have anxiety. for real. I try to tell people but no one really listened to me or to actually believe me for that matter. I've been getting in on and off even since the beginning of 6th grade which was how long ago? 10 years? If I'm counting right. and that is a fucking long ass time for go living through life without any help. No one to talk to about how it feel inside of myself when it happens. My parents didnt want to help me the first time. They dont want to think that their daughter is crazy so I just kept it quiet for the rest of the time. and now look where I am. I'm good at controlling it for the most part and knowing what to do when it happens. So yeah.
9. I dont like people asking me whats on my mind. You do not want to be in my head nor know whats going on in there so dont bother asking.
AND 10. Now I know it sounds weird and ungirl-like of me but I HATE HATE HATE when guys open the car door for me. It bothers me so much like you have no idea. I have two arms and the strength to open the door and close it myself. I am not helpless. Yeah I know its a polite gesture but dont do it around me or I will nicely tell you to not do it....Its happened twice already, I have witnessness.
I'm done. I cant handle this anymore.
Maybe its because I have what I like to call "Inner Demons." "Inner Demons" are thoughts, feelings, and things I would want to say out loud that just end up staying inside of me, continuing to be bottled up, and one day going to explode like what happened 3 years ago and we all know that nobody wants to see that again. Its probably because I dont talk (which continues to be a problem for some people). I'm more of a listener and even then there are things that I dont want to hear. Well...maybe it would be easier to make a list.
I'm gonna call it "Whats wrong with Colleen" or "The things people want to say but cant say it to my Face"
1. As stated above: I dont talk. Its not that I cant talk cause we all know I have it in me but I choose not to. I find it enjoyable sitting around and listening to other people. I like to hear their stories.
2. Number 1 branches off into the others: Because I dont talk I tend to keep everything bottled up inside. But thats just not my own fault. I've only found one person whom I can talk to that will actually listen to everything I have to say without me being interupted by some story or problem that person I am talking to is trying to put forth and she is living with me right now. Thank You. But then again I can be hypocritical about the situation and when people ask me what is wrong I will say nothing eventho there is definately something wrong. I trained myself to do it subconsiously without thinking twice about what I am saying.
3. Which in a nut shell is saying "I talk when I want to talk"
4. I am not dependent on anybody. I dont NEED people around me 24/7 nor do I want that, it would drive me insane. I'm a really independent person. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I have my own place, my own car, a good enough job that I actually like and I have people that will be there if I ever need them.
5. Heres the fun one: After much thought and consideration I have come to the conclusion that I dont want a boyfriend now. I work 30+ hours a week, I'm going to school for another week and a half and then school starts up again in the fall. I dont even have time for my friends. So, I dont have the time or the money to do this. PLUS if I did get into one it wouldnt last very long because I dont know where I'm going to be next year. I might not even be in Wisconsin, who knows? I will go where ever the job will be.
6. Which leads to number 6....I'm a workaholic. I LOVE working. Would never miss it in the world. and I love making money. Which makes me a greedy bitch doesnt it.
7. I enjoy being in a clean envionment. and I'm really picky.
8. Heres a new one. I have anxiety. for real. I try to tell people but no one really listened to me or to actually believe me for that matter. I've been getting in on and off even since the beginning of 6th grade which was how long ago? 10 years? If I'm counting right. and that is a fucking long ass time for go living through life without any help. No one to talk to about how it feel inside of myself when it happens. My parents didnt want to help me the first time. They dont want to think that their daughter is crazy so I just kept it quiet for the rest of the time. and now look where I am. I'm good at controlling it for the most part and knowing what to do when it happens. So yeah.
9. I dont like people asking me whats on my mind. You do not want to be in my head nor know whats going on in there so dont bother asking.
AND 10. Now I know it sounds weird and ungirl-like of me but I HATE HATE HATE when guys open the car door for me. It bothers me so much like you have no idea. I have two arms and the strength to open the door and close it myself. I am not helpless. Yeah I know its a polite gesture but dont do it around me or I will nicely tell you to not do it....Its happened twice already, I have witnessness.
I'm done. I cant handle this anymore.