(no subject)
so im updating much sooner than i had anticipated. just thought i should get some thoughts down. so yeah, im back up at school now and things have been pretty weird thus far. its fucking SICK living with Biiiiiiirdie and chassan. love it. also a VERY weird year. real weird not having the friends i had last year. i miss em all. real weird not having austen up here to keep me grounded. but ive been doing a good job of it myself i think. its just sometimes i feel kinda weird. not lonely, but something real close. like i have a lot of friends, and im rarely alone, but i guess its just the emotional closeness i lack. like up here sam is my closest friend in terms of who i would talk to about my problems or feelings or concerns, but hes a very different person than i am and that sometimes makes it hard for us to relate on that kind of level. its just weird not haveing an austen or a joe or a girlfriend to talk to everyday. thats another weird part of this year. living with the guys i live with, there are ALWAYS chicks up at our place or we are at their place, but its almost like im over it. and i dont know why. maybe because i see how they act twords girls and i want to distance myself from that as much as possible. maybe its because ive never really cared about going out and picking up chicks. i dont know, but thats just been a really weird thing. haveing ample opportunity and not wanting to take advantage. i guess im just over the whole hooking up with rando chicks, and am just wishing i had more of a connection with some of these girls. i dont know, im just in a weird mood right now and have kind of been supressing this mood for awhile, but i guess its bound to come out sometime, and recent events have probably catalyized it. but speaking of that, i AM really stoaked cause im about to go see Thrice at the Catalyst tonight. thats gonna be SICK. wish the guys from home could come, they would love it. but yeah, i just wanted to get some feelings down, even though they arent totally coherent, they are basically what im feeling. my actual feelings arent coherent either. cause its not like i feel like this all the time or even most of the time. usually i am just having the time of my life up here, but in the back of my head somewhere i am struggling with a loss of connectedness. one other really weird part about it is that i expected this this to be a lot harder than it actually is. and im kind of worried about that. like in the past this whole thing would have REALLY fucked me up, but now i feel almost indifferent to it a lot of the time. i dont know, i just feel like something pretty big is going to happen soon, or at least i hope so. haha, well see. anyways, i gotta go get ready to go out. PEACE