(no subject)
I've been noticing lately two things that have little to do with each other (I think) but which I'm going to post together, because I am thinking both of them.
1) Some people have a driving need to be special. They deliberately take a less-traveled path, not because it interests them, but because it's not supposed to interest them, or because it is weird or unusual. This makes them entertaining people to be around, but perhaps not the most stable beings ever. I noticed this trait in others (of course) before I noticed it in myself. I think it is largely why I am interested in computers. Actually coding things (what little I have done) is simple once you know the language, but I have never done so. Yet every time coding comes up in conversation, I act extremely interested, even when I have no idea what they're talking about most of the time. Physically building machines interests me more, but then, building anything from scratch will get my attention, from a soup to a computer to a piece of clothing. But some people build their entire personalities around this one trait. I don't even think some of them are aware of it!
2) I have been avoiding people of late. Even people I like. Maybe it's just that I have enforced social three days a week for 8 hrs, and not a lot of time to myself. I hope so. I haven't been taking as much time for myself as I really should, what with work and school being hectic. Hopefully, my weekdays at least should settle down soon (like, tomorrow, when I see if I can get that last class or not). At least I got three classes that are necessary for me to graduate, so I don't feel like a COMPLETE slacker. This is definitely going to be a "sign up for classes as soon as I possibly can" type year. All the classes are Impacted with a capital "I." ALL of them. Growf. I dunno whether I should force myself to hang out with people, in the hopes that I can buff my waning tolerance for people, or if I should avoid them like I'm doing and hope my mood decides to be social again before my friends forget me. I've been unusually snappish at people of late. Actually, since L and P and C decided they didn't want me walking around the corner to my house at night by myself. They think that over-worrying about someone is showing friendship. I call it smothering and will ooze out the edges. That really is one of the fastest ways to get rid of me, to try to hold me so tight I can't breathe. I mean, come on! This isn't a ghetto neighborhood. The chances of getting mugged in this area if you keep your nose to yourself and look like you're going somewhere are nearly nil. I have never been more than looked at funny while wandering at night, and I've been doing it since I was ambulatory and sentient. I need to be by myself sometimes. That's how I am. If a group-mind adopted me, I would go insane. Problem is, most of my friends are group-minded. They're otherwise good people, but I don't appreciate it when they try to annex me. That's why I <3 the two individualistic friends I have, and why they are the only ones I've hung out with recently. Even when they're being emo, they're easier to be with than the other(s?) sometimes. Group minds are heavy and pushy. Individuals are lighter and more grounded (tho sometimes flaky :)
1) Some people have a driving need to be special. They deliberately take a less-traveled path, not because it interests them, but because it's not supposed to interest them, or because it is weird or unusual. This makes them entertaining people to be around, but perhaps not the most stable beings ever. I noticed this trait in others (of course) before I noticed it in myself. I think it is largely why I am interested in computers. Actually coding things (what little I have done) is simple once you know the language, but I have never done so. Yet every time coding comes up in conversation, I act extremely interested, even when I have no idea what they're talking about most of the time. Physically building machines interests me more, but then, building anything from scratch will get my attention, from a soup to a computer to a piece of clothing. But some people build their entire personalities around this one trait. I don't even think some of them are aware of it!
2) I have been avoiding people of late. Even people I like. Maybe it's just that I have enforced social three days a week for 8 hrs, and not a lot of time to myself. I hope so. I haven't been taking as much time for myself as I really should, what with work and school being hectic. Hopefully, my weekdays at least should settle down soon (like, tomorrow, when I see if I can get that last class or not). At least I got three classes that are necessary for me to graduate, so I don't feel like a COMPLETE slacker. This is definitely going to be a "sign up for classes as soon as I possibly can" type year. All the classes are Impacted with a capital "I." ALL of them. Growf. I dunno whether I should force myself to hang out with people, in the hopes that I can buff my waning tolerance for people, or if I should avoid them like I'm doing and hope my mood decides to be social again before my friends forget me. I've been unusually snappish at people of late. Actually, since L and P and C decided they didn't want me walking around the corner to my house at night by myself. They think that over-worrying about someone is showing friendship. I call it smothering and will ooze out the edges. That really is one of the fastest ways to get rid of me, to try to hold me so tight I can't breathe. I mean, come on! This isn't a ghetto neighborhood. The chances of getting mugged in this area if you keep your nose to yourself and look like you're going somewhere are nearly nil. I have never been more than looked at funny while wandering at night, and I've been doing it since I was ambulatory and sentient. I need to be by myself sometimes. That's how I am. If a group-mind adopted me, I would go insane. Problem is, most of my friends are group-minded. They're otherwise good people, but I don't appreciate it when they try to annex me. That's why I <3 the two individualistic friends I have, and why they are the only ones I've hung out with recently. Even when they're being emo, they're easier to be with than the other(s?) sometimes. Group minds are heavy and pushy. Individuals are lighter and more grounded (tho sometimes flaky :)