Fic: The Soundtrack of a Relationship - Part 5
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Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, they just inhabit my dreams.
A/N - This is part five of a 12 chapter story about Jack and Ianto's relationship inspired by several songs I've heard over the past few days. I have a wide taste in music, so please forgive me if there are a couple of cheesy 80's tunes. The songs that inspired the individual chapters are listed just before the chapter begins and will also be listed in the "Music" area below the entry. Please, if you spot any mistakes and/or improvements, let me know (happy/"well done" comments appreciated too!). Thanks & I hope you enjoy the story!
(PS - I debated for a while on how to write the "flashback" in this chapter. Jack wasn't there, so he can't "remember" it. I finally decided to have Jack be reading Ianto's letter, but tell the flashback from Ianto's POV. Thank you to liten_sam for the input on this!)
Read Part 1 here...
Read Part 2 here...
Read Part 3 here....
Read Part 4 here....
Song: Gone Away by The Offspring
Jack's storm of weeping had passed for now. The Doctor had brought him another glass of water, his silent presence pulling Jack back from the despair he longed to give in to. But he had to finish Ianto's letter, had to understand...he owed Ianto that much. Reaching out, he pushed play on the stereo and was surprised at the drums and guitar riffs coming from the speakers. He picked up the letter and continued to read....
We were close during those months, I know. But you still kept things from me. When the team mutineed and Owen shot you, I thought for sure I'd lost you and I just didn't care about anything. Then you came back to life and even though I was relieved, I was angry too. You'd never told me that you couldn't die. And there was no time to talk about it, because we had to stop Abbadon. You chose Gwen to go with you, and then you died again. When we got your body back to the Hub, Owen was certain you were dead for good this time. I wasn't sure what to think, but Gwen refused to give up hope and sat next to you. I wanted to be the one to sit with you and wait for you to come back to me, but it was Gwen that you'd told your secret to and not me. So I stayed away. After days, you did come back to us. I was so happy to see you standing there, alive and well, but I wasn't sure what to do. Then you pulled me into your arms and kissed me...in front of the whole team. Owen, Tosh and I went to get some coffee and when we came back, you were gone again.....
Voices started singing with the music...
"Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can’t deal it’s so unfair"
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"Jack's gone," Gwen said. "Something's taken him."
Everyone else was just standing around talking, wondering what had happened and not doing anything useful, as usual. Ianto walked over to the CCTV monitors and pulled up the video from the last few minutes. He saw Jack staring at the hand in the jar, then he saw Jack smile, grab the jar and a backpack, throw his coat on and run out the door. They must have just missed him on their way back. Ianto switched over to the video from outside the Hub. He spotted Jack running across the Plass toward a blue police box, jumping and holding on as it disappeared from view. So that's where he'd gone. With the Doctor again. A few keystrokes erased the video he'd been looking at, the others wouldn't understand and he couldn't deal with Gwen's incessant questions right now.
The Doctor. Ianto had been an archivist at Torchwood 1 in London, a fact that everyone, including Jack, seemed to forget. He knew all about the Doctor and that Jack had traveled with him for awhile. He'd never mentioned it to Jack, wanting the captain to tell him on his own, but he never had. Ianto remembered the excitement in London when the Doctor had shown up at headquarters. He'd read the file extensively and he could understand why Jack had taken off again. The excitement and danger that seemed to follow the Doctor were right up Jack's alley. Just because Ianto understood why Jack had taken off, it didn't mean that he wasn't incredibly angry about it.
Owen, Tosh and Gwen had finally decided to check the CCTV cameras, but didn't find anything thanks to Ianto. He calmly started cleaning up the mess that had resulted from Jack's hasty departure.
Later that evening, after everyone had left for the day, Ianto wandered around the Hub. He was already missing Jack, but doubted if he'd ever see the man again. He made his way down to Jack's private area beneath the office, staring at the bed where they had spent so many happy hours together.
"God damn you, Jack Harkness." His voice sounded loud in the stillness. Removing his clothes, he walked over to the bed and curled up under the blankets. Surrounded by Jack's familiar scent, he finally let his emotions go. "You fucking, selfish bastard, Jack! How could you just leave me like that? Was Owen right? Was I just a part-time shag for you? Something to occupy your time until your bloody Doctor came back?" He raged. "I thought you needed me, that I was important to you! But you couldn't even bother to tell me any of your secrets! Gwen knew that you couldn't die. Tosh was the one that found out Jack Harkness wasn't even your real name. What did I know? Nothing! Except that you were good in bed and it's not like I'm the only one that's ever found that out!" Ianto realized that the person he was yelling at couldn't hear him, was probably halfway across the galaxy and who knew in what time, but he didn't care. He continued to vent his anger and frustration, but beating up a defenseless pillow didn't soothe the hurt inside of him. Tears were streaming down his face and his voice was growing hoarse from yelling. Finally, he hugged Jack's pillow to his face and cried himself to sleep.
The next day, he got up, showered, dressed in one of his extra suits that was hanging in Jack's closet and went upstairs to get things ready for when the rest of the team came into work. Gwen was the first one to show up. Ianto brought her a cup of coffee and set it next to her on the desk.
"Ianto, are you ok?" she asked.
"I'm fine, Gwen."
"How can you be fine, Ianto? I'm not fine, and I know there was something between you two, so you must be even more upset than the rest of us." Sometime's Gwen's insight scared him. "Do you have any idea where he could be?"
"No, I don't," he lied. "It was just casual between us and the captain was never one to talk about himself much." There was no sense in hiding that he'd been having an affair with their boss. The kiss Jack had given him before he left kind of made it impossible to deny a physical relationship between them.
"But..." Gwen started.
Ianto cut her off, "Look, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?"
"Ok. I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk to someone, I'm here for you."
"Thanks, Gwen."
Fortunately Owen showed up, and Ianto was spared anymore of Gwen's sympathy. Who would've thought he'd ever be glad to see Owen?
"Oi, Teaboy! You got any coffee ready yet?"
"Of course I do, Owen. I know what you're like in the morning, bloody impossible without your caffeine fix." Owen looked surprised at the younger man's sarcasm. When Ianto brought his cup of coffee over, Owen looked up and actually said thank you.
Tosh came in a few minutes later and the team gathered into the conference room to discuss what to do without Jack there.
Gwen started off, "Should we try to find Jack?" she asked.
"No." Everyone was surprised when Ianto spoke up.
"Why not?" Tosh asked.
"I did some looking around last night after you all left. Jack wasn't kidnapped, he left of his own free will. And we all know the captain well enough to know that if he'd wanted us to know where he was going, he would've left us some hint."
Everyone nodded at that.
"Ok, so what do we do?" For some reason the others were all looking at Ianto for answers.
"We carry on with our jobs. The rift doesn't go away just because Captain Jack Harkness swans off on a lark." His bitterness seeped through. "Owen, you've got the most seniority, you should lead the team."
"Uh-uh, no way are you pawning that off on me. I don't do paperwork, I don't work well with others and the last time I thought I was in charge, I almost destroyed the fucking world." Ianto was surprised that Owen would so readily admit his faults. He looked across the table at Gwen and Tosh. Tosh silently shook her head.
"Gwen? You have the best relationship with the local police. That would come in handy."
"I think you're the best qualified, Ianto. You know this place inside and out."
"No, I'll help you out, but I don't have enough field experience to lead you guys. So, are we agreed? Gwen will lead the team?" Ianto asked.
Everyone nodded their acceptance of this plan, Gwen looking a bit daunted at the prospect.
"Since Jack lived here, we never had to worry about leaving the Hub unattended. Now that he's gone, I think we should have someone here at all times to monitor things." Gwen suggested, looking around the table.
"I'll stay at night. I'm here most of the time anyway." Ianto offered.
"Ok, then. I guess we should get to work."
A few days later a call came in from the Prime Minister's office, requesting the team to investigate some strange activity in the Himalayas. Ianto took the team to the airport and made his way back to the Hub. Harold Saxon had requested the entire team, but they hadn't wanted to leave the Hub unattended, so Ianto had been left behind. They wouldn't be able to keep in touch with him, so he turned off the comm system and locked down the Hub to simulate the appearance that they were all gone.
The strain of keeping up appearances to the rest of the team had been taking a toll on Ianto's nerves. They'd gotten closer since Jack left, but he still didn't want them to know how hard he was taking Jack's disappearence. He alternated between bleak despair and rage. When the rage descended, he went down to the basement and used the shooting range, taking out his anger on the inoffensive targets. More often though, it was despair that he felt. He holed himself up in Jack's room, reliving all the times he'd spent there with his captain. But everything was cold and empty now, and he often woke with tears on his face, calling out Jack's name. He stopped monitoring what was going on in the world outside the Hub. The alarms would sound if there was a serious problem, but nothing was happening to keep his mind off of his own private pain.
At least that's what he thought until the day before the team was due back. He'd started to come out of the depression he'd been wallowing in and decided to see what had been happening so he could update the team when they got back. The first story he read was that the Prime Minister, Harold Saxon, was dead. Apparently after killing the American President. Reading back a little further, he was surprised to see that an alien race had contacted Saxon, but had disappeared shortly before the Prime Minister was shot. That surprise was nothing compared to the shock he'd felt when he saw the news report showing Jack, the Doctor and someone named Martha Jones on the top of the government's most wanted list. He couldn't find much more information than that, not even why they'd been wanted. Angry at himself for missing the chance to connect with Jack, he decided it was best if the team didn't know anything about it and deleted the relevant files from the databases.
The rest of the team came back the next day and life settled into a pattern. Ianto started going out on missions with the team and working closely with Gwen on the day to day business of running Torchwood. Even his relationship with Owen settled into an easy truce. Only when he was alone at night in Jack's bed, did he allow himself to dwell on how much he still missed the man and wished he'd come back home.
_______________________________________________________________________
"And it feels like
Heaven’s so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you’ve gone away "
The song ended and Jack looked up at the Doctor. "I never realized how much he knew about you." Jack said.
"Did you ever ask him?" the Doctor asked gently.
Jack's eyes clouded over with regret as he replied, "It never even occured to me."
tbc
Chapter 6....