Fic: Our Wedding In Hell - Stag Night (3/4)
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Toshiko, Owen, Gwen/Rhys, Martha Jones, Jeff Murdoch, Doctor (10), Donna
Warnings/Spoilers: Series 2 through Adrift, AU after that. I'm going to say PG-13/R for language & adult situations.
Disclaimer: I don't own the character's in this story...they belong to the genius of RTD and Steven Moffat, respectively. Please don't sue...this is for entertainment only and no money is being made! (besides, you can't get blood from a turnip)
A/N - This is a sequel to " Rules For Dating Your Boss". It's another cross-over fic with Coupling, beginning about a week after the first story. Jack and Ianto are getting married, and when Ianto asks Jeff to be a witness, hilarity ensues.
This is the third of four parts - all about the stag night, where all the boys get a few surprises. Thank you again to geordie_star for letting me use the IM names from Ianto's Blog, which inspired the original story. (If you haven't read the blog yet, you need to, it's wonderful!)
Sorry for the delay on getting this posted...real life, in the form of 80 degree weather in Washington State (!), interfered. We Washingtonian's don't let lovely weather like that go by without getting out in it! *winks*
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
"Oh God, Jack, that feels good," Ianto moaned into the pillow. The last three weeks had gone by in a haze of work and planning for the ceremony. It was the Wednesday before the big day and Ianto was exhausted. He was sprawled on the bed and Jack was giving him a sinfully delicious massage, coaxing all his tense muscles to relax.
"Your boss works you too hard, you should talk to him about giving you some time off once in a while."
Ianto shot an amused look at his partner. "I would, but time off wouldn't be any fun without my boss there. And getting him to take time off is next to impossible."
"Hmmm...I can see where that would be a problem. You could convince him though. You can be very persuasive, Ianto Jones."
"True, he does seem to be susceptible to a well-cut suit and a cup of coffee. I'm not sure what my husband-to-be would think about my persuading the boss to come out and play though."
"Oh, I'm sure your husband-to-be wouldn't mind too much."
Ianto chuckled. "You're daft, you are, Jack Harkness."
"Jack Harkness soon-to-be Harkness-Jones, thank you very much." He moved and turned Ianto over so they were face to face. "Seriously, Ianto, I know Torchwood can be all consuming most of the time, but promise me that you'll coax me out to play when we can. Remind me what we're fighting for."
"I promise, Jack." He sat up and pulled the other man into a deep kiss, leaning back into the pillows as Jack followed him down.
__________________________________________________________
(The next morning...)
ianto_fucking_jones: Jack, it looks like you get your wish.
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: Which one? Naked pudding wrestling or sex on the invisible lift?
ianto_fucking_jones: Not those wishes. Check the CCTV cameras for the Plass.
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: Oh, that wish. He said he wasn't going to be here until tomorrow.
ianto_fucking_jones: For a Time Lord, he's not really very good with exact dates is he?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: ROTFLMAO! Don't let him hear you say that!
ianto_fucking_jones: Jack, have you been Googling IM-speak again instead of writing those reports?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: ......
ianto_fucking_jones: ::rolls eyes:: Are you going to come up here so you can introduce me to our guests?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: On my way!
ianto_fucking_jones: BTW, what kind of pudding did you have in mind? ;-)
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: You are evil.
ianto_fucking_jones: I do my best, Sir
(captain_of_the_innuendo_squad has left the conversation)
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: Can't you two use a secure link for your private conversations?
ianto_fucking_jones: Oh, shut up, Owen!
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: What the fuck? Why is my username changed?! Did you do this? Ianto?
(ianto_fucking_jones has left the conversation)
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: IANTO?!?
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: bullocks
________________________________________________
"Doctor! It's good to see you again!" Jack swept his old friend into a hug. "We're so glad you could be here for the ceremony." He was momentarily distracted by the redhead that had followed the Doctor out of the TARDIS. "Hi there, I'm Captain Jack Harkness...and you are?"
"Jaaack," the Doctor warned.
"I would think you'd be used to the way he introduces himself by now, Sir." Ianto was laughing at the look on the Time Lord's face. He held out his hand, "Ianto Jones, it's nice to finally meet you!"
The Doctor shook his hand distractedly, still watching Jack flirt with Donna. "I am used to it, just didn't expect he'd be doing it the day before he gets married, in front of his partner."
Ianto laughed again, "Doctor, Jack wouldn't be Jack if he didn't flirt. It's who he is and I wouldn't change him for the world. By the way, the ceremony is the day after tomorrow, you're a day earlier than you planned."
"That figures," the redhead commented. "You know, for a Time Lord you have a really lousy sense of timing."
Jack and Ianto looked at each other and dissolved into chuckles.
"Oi, what are you two laughing at? At least early for a wedding is better than showing up in Pompeii on Volcano Day!" the Doctor protested.
"Been there and sodding done that, Sunshine. He tells me he's taking me to Ancient Rome, but no...we end up in bloody Pompeii! I get kidnapped, almost killed, run through a volcano being chased by lava monsters....I'm Donna, by the way, since he's obviously not going to introduce me!"
"Sounds par for the course when travelling with the Doctor, Donna." Jack turned to his friend, "Doctor, I thought I told you once not to forget to set the alarm for Volcano Day. Don't you ever listen to anyone?"
They were walking back to the Hub, Jack still teasing the Doctor. Ianto and Donna were walking slightly behind the other two, chatting about Pompeii. They were distracted by the sound of the Doctor's startled exclamation.
"What?! Jack, no! I've never been to a stag night!"
"Oh, I would pay good money to see him getting a lap dance!" Donna murmured.
Ianto grinned a wicked little grin. "Good thing I can take video with my phone then, isn't it?"
"I am going to love you, Ianto Jones."
________________________________________________
(Stag night....)
Ianto looked around and felt like he was in the middle of a bad joke. The kind that starts with the phrase 'An immortal, an alien hunter, a zombie, a Time Lord and two regular blokes walk into a pub...' and goes downhill from there. Anyone else would've been worried about how the evening would go. Thankfully Ianto had a rather warped sense of humor, so he was looking forward to the entertainment potential of the mixed group. Besides, he and Jack both had some Retcon with them...just in case...and possibly for themselves.
The evening was starting with a pub crawl and ending at a strip club. Jeff refused to tell them which club they were going to, though. Owen was acting as designated driver since he couldn't drink anyway, although he was mumbling about why he'd even bothered to come.
"Can't drink, can't enjoy the strip club...remind me again why I'm here?" He muttered to Ianto.
"Because you're our friend, Owen. And this is the type of thing that friends are supposed to celebrate together. Even if said friend is one of the living dead." Ianto smirked at the look on Owen's face.
"Tosser. I still can't figure out how to change my IM name back."
"Ask Tosh."
"I did. She just laughed and said it suited me."
"No, Jeff, it's just the Doctor."
"But, Doctor who?"
Jack put his head in his hands and shook it. "You couldn't have introduced yourself as John Smith?"
"It's more fun this way. I'm going to get another banana daquiri, you want anything?"
"Oh gods...remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to bring him?" Jack pleaded.
"Temporary insanity?" Ianto replied.
"So, how did you guys meet anyway?"
"He stalked me until I gave him a job."
"Really? My best friend's ex-girlfriend stalked him. If she called when he wasn't home, she'd call all the taxi companies to find out which one picked him up and where he'd gone. Then she'd call all the restaurant's to see which one had his reservation. She made him cry once when she surprised him in Prague."
"And he was still dating her?!" Jack exclaimed.
The Doctor snorted into his daquiri, "Why does that surprise you, Jack? You're marrying your stalker."
Ianto, Owen and Rhys all burst out laughing while Jack impersonated a goldfish. Then his trademark grin flashed across his face.
"True. It was the suit that got me. Third time we met, I fell into his arms and I didn't really want to let him go."
"Oh, yeah. There was definite N.A.T. that night," Ianto murmured.
Rhys looked over at Ianto, "N.A.T.?"
"Nose avoidance tilting," Jeff replied. "You know, when you go to kiss someone, the head tilt so you don't bump into their nose?"
"Oh. Didn't realize there was a technical term for that."
"You'd be surprised at the sheer number of technical terms Jeff has come up with."
________________________________________________________
(Three hours and two pubs later....)
"No, Doctor, don't. No good can come from it!"
"But I want to know!"
"To know about the Giggle Loop is to become part of the Giggle Loop. Trust me, you don't want to know." Ianto sighed, remembering Jeff's cousin's wedding several years ago. No way did he want a repeat of that at the ceremony on Saturday.
"Jack, are you sure he's not an alien?" The Doctor whispered. "Surely that's not normal human behavior."
Jack laughed and whispered back, "Trust me, Jeff's not an alien...he's just Welsh."
"I heard that, Jack," Ianto warned, "Don't forget, there's three of us here. We outnumber all the other nationalities at this table."
"Is he picking on the Welsh again?" Rhys asked.
"Mmmm...Jeff, Rhys, would you accompany me to the bar for some national solidarity and a little Brains Dark?" The three left the table and soon a toast of "Iechyd Da" was heard from the bar area.
Owen looked over at Jack and said, "You know, Harkness, I thought you knew better than to insult the Welsh when Ianto's been drinking. Don't you remember when he and Gwen locked us out of the SUV and left us to walk back to the Hub...across town and in the pouring rain?"
Jack winced, "I didn't think I'd insulted them, but I guess comparing them to an alien race wasn't the best idea. I'd better go make it up to him."
He walked up behind Ianto and slipped his arms around his partner's waist. He lowered his head and whispered, "I love you. Forgive me?"
Ianto relaxed back into Jack's arms and grinned impishly. He whispered back, "What's to forgive? I've always thought the reason so many aliens show up here is because it reminds them of home."
"It's like a feedback loop, see. You're somewhere quiet. There's people. Its a solemn occasion - say, a minutes silence for someone who's died, or a wedding. The time is ticking away... tick tock tick tock... and suddenly this thought pops into your head - The worst thing you can do right now is laugh. And you almost do, as an automatic reaction. But then, you think how awful it would have been if you HAD laughed, and you almost laugh again, only its a bigger laugh. But, then you think how funny it would have been if you'd laughed that bigger laugh, but this time the laugh is an enormous laugh. Let this one out and you get whiplash! So you're standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you're drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think its funny!"
"You realize we're all doomed to eternal torment in the Giggle Loop now, right?" Ianto asked.
___________________________________________________________
(The strip club...)
"Jeff, why the bloody hell did you choose this club?" Ianto hissed.
"You always used to go on about how great it was, mate! Thought I'd bring you back to your old stomping grounds."
Ianto sighed and leaned his head against the top of the car. "This can only end badly."
"Ianto, Jeff? Are you guys coming or what?"
"Yep. On our way!"
They walked into the club, Ianto hoping against hope that all new women were working there. His heart sank as he looked around and saw several familiar faces. Maybe he'd get lucky and no-one would recognize him. He was halfway across the room to where the rest of the guys were before that particular dream was shattered. He heard two high-pitched squeals of "Ianto!" before his arms were full of two scantily clad women.
"Um, Jack? Did Ianto sneak that alien pheromone spray out of the Hub?" Owen asked.
"What? Of course not, why?" Jack turned to see his lover being thoroughly kissed by first one and then another gorgeous blonde. "What the hell?"
"Ladies, ladies...let the poor man up for air!"
"Thanks, Catrin," Ianto laughed as he glanced towards the table to see a bewildered Jack and disbelieving Owen watching him. Rhys, Jeff and the Doctor all seemed to be intently focused on the stage.
"How long have you been back in Cardiff then, Love? And why haven't you been to see us sooner?" Catrin demanded.
"I've been back for a couple of years, just really busy with work, you know?" Ianto answered, looking towards the table again, meeting Jack's slightly amused gaze.
Catrin's eyes followed his, "Oh, you're with the stag party! So which one is the groom, then?"
"Actually, that would be me," Ianto replied. And then pointed to Jack, "And him."
"What, is it a double wedding?"
"Nope. I'm marrying him." Chuckling at the look of shock on Catrin's face, he gave her a brilliant smile before walking to the table, sitting down next to Jack and pulling him in for an ardent kiss.
When they drew apart a short while later, Jack inclined his head towards where Ianto had been talking to Catrin and asked, "So, what was that all about?"
Ianto grinned a little sheepishly, "Well, I used to work here. Bartender, sound system, that kind of thing. Catrin's the owner."
"Wait a minute," Owen's voice broke in, "you, Ianto uptight, coffee-obsessed, everything-in-it's-place, always-wears-a-suit Jones worked in a strip club?!?"
Jack laughed as Ianto rolled his eyes at Owen. "Yes, Owen, I worked at a strip club." He turned to Jack and asked, "Why does everyone have this image of me being such a prim and proper 'good' boy?"
"I think it's that sweet face of yours. You look so young and innocent that no-one can believe that you're anything but."
"Jack, I've been with you for quite awhile now. Hell, we're getting married the day after tomorrow. No-one could possibly think I'm innocent."
"They probably think that I've corrupted you." He snorted and took a sip of his drink before continuing, "They have no idea about that wild streak of yours."
Ianto sighed and shot a truly filthy grin at his lover that went straight to Jack's groin, "It's a burden to be so misunderstood."
Catrin had given their party drinks on the house for the night, which everyone except Owen had taken shameless advantage of. The two women that had waylaid Ianto on the way in came over and gave he and Jack simultaneous lap dances...which both of the men had enjoyed immensely. Ianto had followed through on his promise to Donna to get the Doctor a lap dance, and record it with the camera on his phone. Jack had doubled over laughing at the look on his old friend's face during the experience and told Ianto to be sure and show it to Martha, too. They'd had to carry Jeff back to the car because he'd passed out drunk just before they left. Owen had dropped everyone off and then took Jack and Ianto back their flat, admonishing them to drink lots of water and take some aspirin, before telling them to sleep as late as they wanted, he'd take care of everything at work the next day.
Finally, Jack and Ianto were alone. They were kissing each other passionately almost before the door closed behind them. When they broke apart to catch their breath, Ianto gave Jack a wickedly erotic look and said, "You know, while I was working at that club, I picked up a lot of tips from the girls on how to give a good lap dance and striptease. Interested on seeing what I learned?"
Jack growled deep in his throat, "Oh, yeah..."
TBC
Continued...
Warnings/Spoilers: Series 2 through Adrift, AU after that. I'm going to say PG-13/R for language & adult situations.
Disclaimer: I don't own the character's in this story...they belong to the genius of RTD and Steven Moffat, respectively. Please don't sue...this is for entertainment only and no money is being made! (besides, you can't get blood from a turnip)
A/N - This is a sequel to " Rules For Dating Your Boss". It's another cross-over fic with Coupling, beginning about a week after the first story. Jack and Ianto are getting married, and when Ianto asks Jeff to be a witness, hilarity ensues.
This is the third of four parts - all about the stag night, where all the boys get a few surprises. Thank you again to geordie_star for letting me use the IM names from Ianto's Blog, which inspired the original story. (If you haven't read the blog yet, you need to, it's wonderful!)
Sorry for the delay on getting this posted...real life, in the form of 80 degree weather in Washington State (!), interfered. We Washingtonian's don't let lovely weather like that go by without getting out in it! *winks*
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
"Oh God, Jack, that feels good," Ianto moaned into the pillow. The last three weeks had gone by in a haze of work and planning for the ceremony. It was the Wednesday before the big day and Ianto was exhausted. He was sprawled on the bed and Jack was giving him a sinfully delicious massage, coaxing all his tense muscles to relax.
"Your boss works you too hard, you should talk to him about giving you some time off once in a while."
Ianto shot an amused look at his partner. "I would, but time off wouldn't be any fun without my boss there. And getting him to take time off is next to impossible."
"Hmmm...I can see where that would be a problem. You could convince him though. You can be very persuasive, Ianto Jones."
"True, he does seem to be susceptible to a well-cut suit and a cup of coffee. I'm not sure what my husband-to-be would think about my persuading the boss to come out and play though."
"Oh, I'm sure your husband-to-be wouldn't mind too much."
Ianto chuckled. "You're daft, you are, Jack Harkness."
"Jack Harkness soon-to-be Harkness-Jones, thank you very much." He moved and turned Ianto over so they were face to face. "Seriously, Ianto, I know Torchwood can be all consuming most of the time, but promise me that you'll coax me out to play when we can. Remind me what we're fighting for."
"I promise, Jack." He sat up and pulled the other man into a deep kiss, leaning back into the pillows as Jack followed him down.
__________________________________________________________
(The next morning...)
ianto_fucking_jones: Jack, it looks like you get your wish.
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: Which one? Naked pudding wrestling or sex on the invisible lift?
ianto_fucking_jones: Not those wishes. Check the CCTV cameras for the Plass.
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: Oh, that wish. He said he wasn't going to be here until tomorrow.
ianto_fucking_jones: For a Time Lord, he's not really very good with exact dates is he?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: ROTFLMAO! Don't let him hear you say that!
ianto_fucking_jones: Jack, have you been Googling IM-speak again instead of writing those reports?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: ......
ianto_fucking_jones: ::rolls eyes:: Are you going to come up here so you can introduce me to our guests?
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: On my way!
ianto_fucking_jones: BTW, what kind of pudding did you have in mind? ;-)
captain_of_the_innuendo_squad: You are evil.
ianto_fucking_jones: I do my best, Sir
(captain_of_the_innuendo_squad has left the conversation)
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: Can't you two use a secure link for your private conversations?
ianto_fucking_jones: Oh, shut up, Owen!
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: What the fuck? Why is my username changed?! Did you do this? Ianto?
(ianto_fucking_jones has left the conversation)
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: IANTO?!?
doctor_demento_of_the_living_dead: bullocks
________________________________________________
"Doctor! It's good to see you again!" Jack swept his old friend into a hug. "We're so glad you could be here for the ceremony." He was momentarily distracted by the redhead that had followed the Doctor out of the TARDIS. "Hi there, I'm Captain Jack Harkness...and you are?"
"Jaaack," the Doctor warned.
"I would think you'd be used to the way he introduces himself by now, Sir." Ianto was laughing at the look on the Time Lord's face. He held out his hand, "Ianto Jones, it's nice to finally meet you!"
The Doctor shook his hand distractedly, still watching Jack flirt with Donna. "I am used to it, just didn't expect he'd be doing it the day before he gets married, in front of his partner."
Ianto laughed again, "Doctor, Jack wouldn't be Jack if he didn't flirt. It's who he is and I wouldn't change him for the world. By the way, the ceremony is the day after tomorrow, you're a day earlier than you planned."
"That figures," the redhead commented. "You know, for a Time Lord you have a really lousy sense of timing."
Jack and Ianto looked at each other and dissolved into chuckles.
"Oi, what are you two laughing at? At least early for a wedding is better than showing up in Pompeii on Volcano Day!" the Doctor protested.
"Been there and sodding done that, Sunshine. He tells me he's taking me to Ancient Rome, but no...we end up in bloody Pompeii! I get kidnapped, almost killed, run through a volcano being chased by lava monsters....I'm Donna, by the way, since he's obviously not going to introduce me!"
"Sounds par for the course when travelling with the Doctor, Donna." Jack turned to his friend, "Doctor, I thought I told you once not to forget to set the alarm for Volcano Day. Don't you ever listen to anyone?"
They were walking back to the Hub, Jack still teasing the Doctor. Ianto and Donna were walking slightly behind the other two, chatting about Pompeii. They were distracted by the sound of the Doctor's startled exclamation.
"What?! Jack, no! I've never been to a stag night!"
"Oh, I would pay good money to see him getting a lap dance!" Donna murmured.
Ianto grinned a wicked little grin. "Good thing I can take video with my phone then, isn't it?"
"I am going to love you, Ianto Jones."
________________________________________________
(Stag night....)
Ianto looked around and felt like he was in the middle of a bad joke. The kind that starts with the phrase 'An immortal, an alien hunter, a zombie, a Time Lord and two regular blokes walk into a pub...' and goes downhill from there. Anyone else would've been worried about how the evening would go. Thankfully Ianto had a rather warped sense of humor, so he was looking forward to the entertainment potential of the mixed group. Besides, he and Jack both had some Retcon with them...just in case...and possibly for themselves.
The evening was starting with a pub crawl and ending at a strip club. Jeff refused to tell them which club they were going to, though. Owen was acting as designated driver since he couldn't drink anyway, although he was mumbling about why he'd even bothered to come.
"Can't drink, can't enjoy the strip club...remind me again why I'm here?" He muttered to Ianto.
"Because you're our friend, Owen. And this is the type of thing that friends are supposed to celebrate together. Even if said friend is one of the living dead." Ianto smirked at the look on Owen's face.
"Tosser. I still can't figure out how to change my IM name back."
"Ask Tosh."
"I did. She just laughed and said it suited me."
"No, Jeff, it's just the Doctor."
"But, Doctor who?"
Jack put his head in his hands and shook it. "You couldn't have introduced yourself as John Smith?"
"It's more fun this way. I'm going to get another banana daquiri, you want anything?"
"Oh gods...remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to bring him?" Jack pleaded.
"Temporary insanity?" Ianto replied.
"So, how did you guys meet anyway?"
"He stalked me until I gave him a job."
"Really? My best friend's ex-girlfriend stalked him. If she called when he wasn't home, she'd call all the taxi companies to find out which one picked him up and where he'd gone. Then she'd call all the restaurant's to see which one had his reservation. She made him cry once when she surprised him in Prague."
"And he was still dating her?!" Jack exclaimed.
The Doctor snorted into his daquiri, "Why does that surprise you, Jack? You're marrying your stalker."
Ianto, Owen and Rhys all burst out laughing while Jack impersonated a goldfish. Then his trademark grin flashed across his face.
"True. It was the suit that got me. Third time we met, I fell into his arms and I didn't really want to let him go."
"Oh, yeah. There was definite N.A.T. that night," Ianto murmured.
Rhys looked over at Ianto, "N.A.T.?"
"Nose avoidance tilting," Jeff replied. "You know, when you go to kiss someone, the head tilt so you don't bump into their nose?"
"Oh. Didn't realize there was a technical term for that."
"You'd be surprised at the sheer number of technical terms Jeff has come up with."
________________________________________________________
(Three hours and two pubs later....)
"No, Doctor, don't. No good can come from it!"
"But I want to know!"
"To know about the Giggle Loop is to become part of the Giggle Loop. Trust me, you don't want to know." Ianto sighed, remembering Jeff's cousin's wedding several years ago. No way did he want a repeat of that at the ceremony on Saturday.
"Jack, are you sure he's not an alien?" The Doctor whispered. "Surely that's not normal human behavior."
Jack laughed and whispered back, "Trust me, Jeff's not an alien...he's just Welsh."
"I heard that, Jack," Ianto warned, "Don't forget, there's three of us here. We outnumber all the other nationalities at this table."
"Is he picking on the Welsh again?" Rhys asked.
"Mmmm...Jeff, Rhys, would you accompany me to the bar for some national solidarity and a little Brains Dark?" The three left the table and soon a toast of "Iechyd Da" was heard from the bar area.
Owen looked over at Jack and said, "You know, Harkness, I thought you knew better than to insult the Welsh when Ianto's been drinking. Don't you remember when he and Gwen locked us out of the SUV and left us to walk back to the Hub...across town and in the pouring rain?"
Jack winced, "I didn't think I'd insulted them, but I guess comparing them to an alien race wasn't the best idea. I'd better go make it up to him."
He walked up behind Ianto and slipped his arms around his partner's waist. He lowered his head and whispered, "I love you. Forgive me?"
Ianto relaxed back into Jack's arms and grinned impishly. He whispered back, "What's to forgive? I've always thought the reason so many aliens show up here is because it reminds them of home."
"It's like a feedback loop, see. You're somewhere quiet. There's people. Its a solemn occasion - say, a minutes silence for someone who's died, or a wedding. The time is ticking away... tick tock tick tock... and suddenly this thought pops into your head - The worst thing you can do right now is laugh. And you almost do, as an automatic reaction. But then, you think how awful it would have been if you HAD laughed, and you almost laugh again, only its a bigger laugh. But, then you think how funny it would have been if you'd laughed that bigger laugh, but this time the laugh is an enormous laugh. Let this one out and you get whiplash! So you're standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you're drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think its funny!"
"You realize we're all doomed to eternal torment in the Giggle Loop now, right?" Ianto asked.
___________________________________________________________
(The strip club...)
"Jeff, why the bloody hell did you choose this club?" Ianto hissed.
"You always used to go on about how great it was, mate! Thought I'd bring you back to your old stomping grounds."
Ianto sighed and leaned his head against the top of the car. "This can only end badly."
"Ianto, Jeff? Are you guys coming or what?"
"Yep. On our way!"
They walked into the club, Ianto hoping against hope that all new women were working there. His heart sank as he looked around and saw several familiar faces. Maybe he'd get lucky and no-one would recognize him. He was halfway across the room to where the rest of the guys were before that particular dream was shattered. He heard two high-pitched squeals of "Ianto!" before his arms were full of two scantily clad women.
"Um, Jack? Did Ianto sneak that alien pheromone spray out of the Hub?" Owen asked.
"What? Of course not, why?" Jack turned to see his lover being thoroughly kissed by first one and then another gorgeous blonde. "What the hell?"
"Ladies, ladies...let the poor man up for air!"
"Thanks, Catrin," Ianto laughed as he glanced towards the table to see a bewildered Jack and disbelieving Owen watching him. Rhys, Jeff and the Doctor all seemed to be intently focused on the stage.
"How long have you been back in Cardiff then, Love? And why haven't you been to see us sooner?" Catrin demanded.
"I've been back for a couple of years, just really busy with work, you know?" Ianto answered, looking towards the table again, meeting Jack's slightly amused gaze.
Catrin's eyes followed his, "Oh, you're with the stag party! So which one is the groom, then?"
"Actually, that would be me," Ianto replied. And then pointed to Jack, "And him."
"What, is it a double wedding?"
"Nope. I'm marrying him." Chuckling at the look of shock on Catrin's face, he gave her a brilliant smile before walking to the table, sitting down next to Jack and pulling him in for an ardent kiss.
When they drew apart a short while later, Jack inclined his head towards where Ianto had been talking to Catrin and asked, "So, what was that all about?"
Ianto grinned a little sheepishly, "Well, I used to work here. Bartender, sound system, that kind of thing. Catrin's the owner."
"Wait a minute," Owen's voice broke in, "you, Ianto uptight, coffee-obsessed, everything-in-it's-place, always-wears-a-suit Jones worked in a strip club?!?"
Jack laughed as Ianto rolled his eyes at Owen. "Yes, Owen, I worked at a strip club." He turned to Jack and asked, "Why does everyone have this image of me being such a prim and proper 'good' boy?"
"I think it's that sweet face of yours. You look so young and innocent that no-one can believe that you're anything but."
"Jack, I've been with you for quite awhile now. Hell, we're getting married the day after tomorrow. No-one could possibly think I'm innocent."
"They probably think that I've corrupted you." He snorted and took a sip of his drink before continuing, "They have no idea about that wild streak of yours."
Ianto sighed and shot a truly filthy grin at his lover that went straight to Jack's groin, "It's a burden to be so misunderstood."
Catrin had given their party drinks on the house for the night, which everyone except Owen had taken shameless advantage of. The two women that had waylaid Ianto on the way in came over and gave he and Jack simultaneous lap dances...which both of the men had enjoyed immensely. Ianto had followed through on his promise to Donna to get the Doctor a lap dance, and record it with the camera on his phone. Jack had doubled over laughing at the look on his old friend's face during the experience and told Ianto to be sure and show it to Martha, too. They'd had to carry Jeff back to the car because he'd passed out drunk just before they left. Owen had dropped everyone off and then took Jack and Ianto back their flat, admonishing them to drink lots of water and take some aspirin, before telling them to sleep as late as they wanted, he'd take care of everything at work the next day.
Finally, Jack and Ianto were alone. They were kissing each other passionately almost before the door closed behind them. When they broke apart to catch their breath, Ianto gave Jack a wickedly erotic look and said, "You know, while I was working at that club, I picked up a lot of tips from the girls on how to give a good lap dance and striptease. Interested on seeing what I learned?"
Jack growled deep in his throat, "Oh, yeah..."
TBC
Continued...