Of Peas and Princesses
Another from the meme mentioned earlier. This time a new version of a fairy tale...
Kate found the pea after fifteen minutes. It was clear something was up, with bedding piled high, and knowing looks as they bade her a "soft sleep". She had been livid at first, but started to see the funny side. This is how he chose a wife? Seriously? He wanted someone delicate and fragile and pathetic who could be completely suppressed, with no idea what made a healthy kingdom tick? Good luck to them, it certainly wasn't her idea of a marriage. The next morning she dressed for breakfast, complimented the chambermaid on the comfortable bed (although suggested that fourteen feather beds was excessive), secretly enjoying the petulant disappointment in their eyes.
She rode away with her head held high and a chearful wave, stopping at a clearing in the woods to enjoy the freedom and to share the joke with her entourage, who fell about laughing and suggested a campfire to celebrate her narrow escape. They had started to roast apples, when a young woman approached. Her chin was firm, and she was rubbing her arm as if bruised.
"Just be careful with that fire. A lot of us round here take our livelihood from the woods, and if it goes up in smoke we starve." She looked at it closely and nodded in approval. "Not bad, actually. There are beach nuts yonder, and they go very well with apples." She took off with a page, and they returned a few minutes later, aprons full of nuts. They cooked and ate, and when prompted, Lucy told them about the life of the woodspeople, tenants of the crown (although the houses and roads were badly in need of repair), and how some years were wonderful while others a struggle, she was clear thinking, articulate, and had a definite plan for solving problems, if only the King and Queen would listen.
Kate looked thoughtfully at the woman's red hair, pale, pale skin, and the bruises on her arm. "Tell me Lucy," she said in a pause of conversation, "are you married?" Lucy looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you proposing?" Kate laughed and explained her plan. Lucy looked interested and then doubtful. "I could make great changes, but there would be...expectations...and I really would not want..."
Kate explained about the wet and wimpy prince (the words "probably couldn't find it even if he knew what he was looking for, would almost certainly lose it if it wasn't attached" did much to reassure Lucy), his elderly parents who were keen to hand the kingdom over to the charge of a new royal couple so that they could the sea and the mountains, and how the insistence on someone frail and delicate could be used to her benefit ("just look horrified and he'll leave you be"). Together they plotted, and when Kate and her party set off, Lucy had made up her mind.
***
The wedding of Prince Ferdinand and Princess Lucinda took place on the same day as their coronation. The prince was as clueless as Kate had suspected, and Lucy bade him sweetly goodnight and retreated to her own chamber where her personal maid (a school friend who had high marks in maths, history and geography) was waiting with a roaring fire, a bottle of champagne on ice, and a mountain of papers to plan their way through.
It had been easy in the end. She waited a couple of days until a good storm, strolled across to the castle and battered at the gate. The words "a real princess" had acted as a shibboleth. She slept like a top, but woke early the next morning to help her bruises with a smudge of watery ink and shyly stammer out about her lumpy, sleepless night. There was an inner eyeroll at this, as she wondered who would have such poor manners to complain to her hosts about the bedding. They royals were delighted and put plans in motion at once.
Kate winked at Lucy as they passed each other at the celebration ball, and Lucy smiled back, knowing that an extension of the aquaduct has already been ordered, road repairs were sanctioned, and an inspection of all tenanted properties would be taking place over the next month. Kate looked up at the grand canopy and the miriad of flags and felt a huge wave of relief that she was safely away from it all. Lucy could hold her own beautifully among the politicians, would be an excellent reformer, and the kingdom would live happily ever after.
Kate found the pea after fifteen minutes. It was clear something was up, with bedding piled high, and knowing looks as they bade her a "soft sleep". She had been livid at first, but started to see the funny side. This is how he chose a wife? Seriously? He wanted someone delicate and fragile and pathetic who could be completely suppressed, with no idea what made a healthy kingdom tick? Good luck to them, it certainly wasn't her idea of a marriage. The next morning she dressed for breakfast, complimented the chambermaid on the comfortable bed (although suggested that fourteen feather beds was excessive), secretly enjoying the petulant disappointment in their eyes.
She rode away with her head held high and a chearful wave, stopping at a clearing in the woods to enjoy the freedom and to share the joke with her entourage, who fell about laughing and suggested a campfire to celebrate her narrow escape. They had started to roast apples, when a young woman approached. Her chin was firm, and she was rubbing her arm as if bruised.
"Just be careful with that fire. A lot of us round here take our livelihood from the woods, and if it goes up in smoke we starve." She looked at it closely and nodded in approval. "Not bad, actually. There are beach nuts yonder, and they go very well with apples." She took off with a page, and they returned a few minutes later, aprons full of nuts. They cooked and ate, and when prompted, Lucy told them about the life of the woodspeople, tenants of the crown (although the houses and roads were badly in need of repair), and how some years were wonderful while others a struggle, she was clear thinking, articulate, and had a definite plan for solving problems, if only the King and Queen would listen.
Kate looked thoughtfully at the woman's red hair, pale, pale skin, and the bruises on her arm. "Tell me Lucy," she said in a pause of conversation, "are you married?" Lucy looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you proposing?" Kate laughed and explained her plan. Lucy looked interested and then doubtful. "I could make great changes, but there would be...expectations...and I really would not want..."
Kate explained about the wet and wimpy prince (the words "probably couldn't find it even if he knew what he was looking for, would almost certainly lose it if it wasn't attached" did much to reassure Lucy), his elderly parents who were keen to hand the kingdom over to the charge of a new royal couple so that they could the sea and the mountains, and how the insistence on someone frail and delicate could be used to her benefit ("just look horrified and he'll leave you be"). Together they plotted, and when Kate and her party set off, Lucy had made up her mind.
***
The wedding of Prince Ferdinand and Princess Lucinda took place on the same day as their coronation. The prince was as clueless as Kate had suspected, and Lucy bade him sweetly goodnight and retreated to her own chamber where her personal maid (a school friend who had high marks in maths, history and geography) was waiting with a roaring fire, a bottle of champagne on ice, and a mountain of papers to plan their way through.
It had been easy in the end. She waited a couple of days until a good storm, strolled across to the castle and battered at the gate. The words "a real princess" had acted as a shibboleth. She slept like a top, but woke early the next morning to help her bruises with a smudge of watery ink and shyly stammer out about her lumpy, sleepless night. There was an inner eyeroll at this, as she wondered who would have such poor manners to complain to her hosts about the bedding. They royals were delighted and put plans in motion at once.
Kate winked at Lucy as they passed each other at the celebration ball, and Lucy smiled back, knowing that an extension of the aquaduct has already been ordered, road repairs were sanctioned, and an inspection of all tenanted properties would be taking place over the next month. Kate looked up at the grand canopy and the miriad of flags and felt a huge wave of relief that she was safely away from it all. Lucy could hold her own beautifully among the politicians, would be an excellent reformer, and the kingdom would live happily ever after.