Free to a good home
I'm not talking about a kitten or a puppy here, but about S, a real-life little girl of six years, who'll be seven this summer, who's sweet and smart and polite and also happens to be one of the hundreds of 'waiting children': legally available for adoption, and yet still in the emotional limbo that is foster care, BECAUSE THERE IS NOBODY WILLING TO ADOPT HER - BUT WHY??? True enough, many of these children have gone through so much at such a young age, that they can be a challenge to even the bravest, most dedicated potential parent. But in the case of this particular little girl, and I'm sure many other sweet, innocent, and surprisingly well-adjusted, incredibly resilient children like her, I just don't see why there aren't waiting lists of people wanting to adopt a child just like her! I'm not even sure there aren't - I just wonder WHERE they are, because, well, I just CAN'T BELIEVE that there aren't any reaonably successful, healthy, responsible adults out there wanting to parent...even just dreaming, as I used to, of a child just like her, to raise, protect, and love through her growing years.
I can barely remember the feeling of only WANTING to have such a child, my reality now is so filled with the wonderfulness and exhaustion that are my own two foster children. But S. too is real, and as tangible as the wet slippery grip she had on me as I held her in the swimming pool at the rec center just a couple weeks ago... as brave as the half-scared, half-proud grin she wore as she got ready to got down the slide at the edge of the pool, as she made sure I waited to greet her just after her daring jump into the water...
God knows, if I didn't already have my days and my heart filled by my own current two, and particularly, if I didn't think it so crucial that I, in my none-too-supported status as a single, working-full-time foster mom, make sure that I don't bite off more than I can chew, so to speak...I'd take her in a heartbeat. After much soulsearching I continue to feel reluctant (and in fact have decided it isn't going to happen) because well, as crazy/impulsive as I can be about these emotional things sometimes, I'm also, thankfully, quite reasonable, or at least I like to think so! But what I really cannot fathom is why there isn't a waiting list of others like me out there, not only willing but eager to offer her a home and the love of a family. She deserves that and needs that, and don't they all, even the ones with fragile health or difficult behaviors or what have you! And she's so far from either! I swear I wish I could find someone out there right now to tell them all about her, to help them imagine how rewarding (and how EASY) it could be to have her become a big part of their life. I would tell them how she practiced her 'princess wave' at G's camera tirelessly at the amusement park one evening last summer, and how she made the four of us (including hersekf as well as my little family!) giggle uncontrollably until we cried while playing charades the other night. I would tell them about her sweet little face with the serious expression as she picked out just the right book for me to buy for her at the library book sale; and I'd tell them about the patient, simple manner in which she explained to my foster son (who's actually just a few months older, but far less experienced in these matters) how she doesn't know if she'll continue seeing her biological mother because "that will be up to the people who adopt me".
So if anyone out there who's reading this knows anyone out there who would make a good loving parent with a good loving home: She's bright and cute as a button and...never mind that, I just want to know WHERE are the people waiting in line to take her HOME... from a foster family where, while she gets the basics she needs of course, she has to share not just the attention and care of a foster mom and dad, but also her bedroom with four other girls: the twelve year old they are in the process of adopting (they won't adopt S. because the age gap is too big, they say, although I suspect it has to do with her ethnicity as well - she's Hispanic, and they have told me 'she should be with a Hispanic family, I don't want her to be uncomfortable because she doesn't look like us'), and the more recent additions of two toddlers AND a baby, which means that S. has to occupy one of the top bunks, even though she's scared of it enough to keep her up at night; and where she gets 'watched'/babysat often by the fifteen year old (the oldest and the one with her own room because, the foster mom will tell anyone openly, she's adopted, not just foster, so she deserves to be treated differently!) Where are the parents WANTING and WAITING for S. that will take her from the foster parents that have told the social worker that, if nobody else that is 'a better fit' for her signs up, they would be willing to adopt her... even though S. has lived with them 2 years but doesn't call them mom/dad yet, and even though they think she'd be better off with me only because I speak Spanish (even though S. has, not-surprisingly, forgotten what little she learned from her bio family). If anyone detects a tinge of guilt here I won't deny it, but I'm truthfully more disillusioned at a world that has any 'waiting children' with no 'adults waiting to parent' those children, than at myself...
(On a completely different subject: the music I'm hearing is only in my head, has been since I heard it on the radio this morning...of course the lyrics made me think...)
I can barely remember the feeling of only WANTING to have such a child, my reality now is so filled with the wonderfulness and exhaustion that are my own two foster children. But S. too is real, and as tangible as the wet slippery grip she had on me as I held her in the swimming pool at the rec center just a couple weeks ago... as brave as the half-scared, half-proud grin she wore as she got ready to got down the slide at the edge of the pool, as she made sure I waited to greet her just after her daring jump into the water...
God knows, if I didn't already have my days and my heart filled by my own current two, and particularly, if I didn't think it so crucial that I, in my none-too-supported status as a single, working-full-time foster mom, make sure that I don't bite off more than I can chew, so to speak...I'd take her in a heartbeat. After much soulsearching I continue to feel reluctant (and in fact have decided it isn't going to happen) because well, as crazy/impulsive as I can be about these emotional things sometimes, I'm also, thankfully, quite reasonable, or at least I like to think so! But what I really cannot fathom is why there isn't a waiting list of others like me out there, not only willing but eager to offer her a home and the love of a family. She deserves that and needs that, and don't they all, even the ones with fragile health or difficult behaviors or what have you! And she's so far from either! I swear I wish I could find someone out there right now to tell them all about her, to help them imagine how rewarding (and how EASY) it could be to have her become a big part of their life. I would tell them how she practiced her 'princess wave' at G's camera tirelessly at the amusement park one evening last summer, and how she made the four of us (including hersekf as well as my little family!) giggle uncontrollably until we cried while playing charades the other night. I would tell them about her sweet little face with the serious expression as she picked out just the right book for me to buy for her at the library book sale; and I'd tell them about the patient, simple manner in which she explained to my foster son (who's actually just a few months older, but far less experienced in these matters) how she doesn't know if she'll continue seeing her biological mother because "that will be up to the people who adopt me".
So if anyone out there who's reading this knows anyone out there who would make a good loving parent with a good loving home: She's bright and cute as a button and...never mind that, I just want to know WHERE are the people waiting in line to take her HOME... from a foster family where, while she gets the basics she needs of course, she has to share not just the attention and care of a foster mom and dad, but also her bedroom with four other girls: the twelve year old they are in the process of adopting (they won't adopt S. because the age gap is too big, they say, although I suspect it has to do with her ethnicity as well - she's Hispanic, and they have told me 'she should be with a Hispanic family, I don't want her to be uncomfortable because she doesn't look like us'), and the more recent additions of two toddlers AND a baby, which means that S. has to occupy one of the top bunks, even though she's scared of it enough to keep her up at night; and where she gets 'watched'/babysat often by the fifteen year old (the oldest and the one with her own room because, the foster mom will tell anyone openly, she's adopted, not just foster, so she deserves to be treated differently!) Where are the parents WANTING and WAITING for S. that will take her from the foster parents that have told the social worker that, if nobody else that is 'a better fit' for her signs up, they would be willing to adopt her... even though S. has lived with them 2 years but doesn't call them mom/dad yet, and even though they think she'd be better off with me only because I speak Spanish (even though S. has, not-surprisingly, forgotten what little she learned from her bio family). If anyone detects a tinge of guilt here I won't deny it, but I'm truthfully more disillusioned at a world that has any 'waiting children' with no 'adults waiting to parent' those children, than at myself...
(On a completely different subject: the music I'm hearing is only in my head, has been since I heard it on the radio this morning...of course the lyrics made me think...)