David Sedaris's advice to me: GET PREGNANT!
So tonight I saw David Sedaris for the 3rd time! As promised, I will try to recount in as much detail as I can remember...
When I got to the theater, it was 6:40-ish and the actual show was supposed to start at 7:30-ish so I went to the table of books for sale and bought a paperback copy of Dress Your Family for my older brother Drew who had told me recently that he was reading Me Talk Pretty One Day. As I was paying for the book, I noticed that there was a sign saying that David would be signing from 6:30-7:00, so I went back and had my stuff signed before the show. I was kind of hesitant to do it because standing in line and listening to him talk to other people is always interesting and there weren't very many people in front of me. But I decided to go then anyway so I didn't have to wait in a massive line afterwards.
The lady right in front of me was a teacher and when she told David that he started talking about these two twin midgets- "I'm talking midgets, not little people, midgets"- came to one of his shows and he was really worried because he couldn't remember what, if anything, he had written about midgets. So then it was my turn, and although I've met him twice, for some reason, I was still really nervous. Possibly more nervous than the other two times. I could barely form complete sentences. So I handed him the books (one for me, one for my brother) and this is how it went:
ME: Hello.
DAVID: Hi! How old are you?
ME: Nineteen.
DAVID: So are you in college or high school?
ME: I'm in my first year of college.
DAVID: Oh, well then you get a gift!
He pulls out a plastic bag with stuff and starts shuffling around in it.
DAVID: Have you started smoking yet?
ME: (giggle) No.
DAVID: Do you condition a lot?
ME: Sure.
DAVID: Ok, well have this conditioner I got at one of my hotel rooms. I used a little, but I didn't drink it or anything. (hands me the bottle) So you're Summer?
ME: Yes.
DAVID: So what are you in school for- like what do you want to do-- don't you always hate it when people ask you that?
ME: (giggle) Not really. i don't really mind.
DAVID: I always hated it. You know what the first thing you should have done after high school was? Get pregnant. Just find the first guy- any guy- and get pregnant.
ME: (laughter) I'm sure my parents would have loved that!
DAVID: (looking at the sticky note in the book for my brother) Who's Drew?
ME: My brother.
DAVID: Older or younger?
ME: Older.
DAVID: (as he writes) Oh, well, he's gonna be happy to be an uncle.
As I saw what he had written and tried to gracefully gather my things and leave, all I could say aloud was "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" I am going to be so embarrassed to give that to my brother!
I don't know what that means... proud for not getting pregnant? I guess that's what he meant by it...
So on to the actual reading...
The first story he read was one of those stories about animals he has been writing lately. It was about a crow and a sheep who had just given birth to a lamb. It was kind of long and not really that funny. It had funny moments, but it ended with the crow eating out the eyes of the newborn lamb, so I was struggling to recover from that imagery for the rest of the night (well, still, actually).
The second story was that story that was recently in the New Yorker- Suitable for Framing- about his parents buying art. I really like that story and it was good to hear it live, but I was disappointed that he chose to read a story I had already read and not the babysitter one that everyone has been telling me about :/
The last story was about "filthy people". It was a really long story which basically had three parts: this couple that looked really classy that he sat next to on an airplane that cussed the whole way, a cab driver who asked him why he didn't like pussy and if he "liked the dick", and being at Amy's apartment looking at a magazine about people having sex with animals.
The last story was definitely my favorite. The part with the cab driver was hilarious. And then the part with Amy, too.
The Q & A was pretty uneventful. People ask the stupidest questions. Someone asked if anyone had read his work and not liked it. What kind of a question is that. But someone did ask about his niece and he took a long pause before saying she was great. Then he explained that he hestitated because someone asked him that a month or so ago and he responded by saying she had been killed because he couldn't resist the temptation to make the person who asked feel really horribly. HAHA.
All in all, the night was fun, but I was a bit disappointed. Probably the least memorable of all the times I've seen him. But still worth the time/money.
When I got to the theater, it was 6:40-ish and the actual show was supposed to start at 7:30-ish so I went to the table of books for sale and bought a paperback copy of Dress Your Family for my older brother Drew who had told me recently that he was reading Me Talk Pretty One Day. As I was paying for the book, I noticed that there was a sign saying that David would be signing from 6:30-7:00, so I went back and had my stuff signed before the show. I was kind of hesitant to do it because standing in line and listening to him talk to other people is always interesting and there weren't very many people in front of me. But I decided to go then anyway so I didn't have to wait in a massive line afterwards.
The lady right in front of me was a teacher and when she told David that he started talking about these two twin midgets- "I'm talking midgets, not little people, midgets"- came to one of his shows and he was really worried because he couldn't remember what, if anything, he had written about midgets. So then it was my turn, and although I've met him twice, for some reason, I was still really nervous. Possibly more nervous than the other two times. I could barely form complete sentences. So I handed him the books (one for me, one for my brother) and this is how it went:
ME: Hello.
DAVID: Hi! How old are you?
ME: Nineteen.
DAVID: So are you in college or high school?
ME: I'm in my first year of college.
DAVID: Oh, well then you get a gift!
He pulls out a plastic bag with stuff and starts shuffling around in it.
DAVID: Have you started smoking yet?
ME: (giggle) No.
DAVID: Do you condition a lot?
ME: Sure.
DAVID: Ok, well have this conditioner I got at one of my hotel rooms. I used a little, but I didn't drink it or anything. (hands me the bottle) So you're Summer?
ME: Yes.
DAVID: So what are you in school for- like what do you want to do-- don't you always hate it when people ask you that?
ME: (giggle) Not really. i don't really mind.
DAVID: I always hated it. You know what the first thing you should have done after high school was? Get pregnant. Just find the first guy- any guy- and get pregnant.
ME: (laughter) I'm sure my parents would have loved that!
DAVID: (looking at the sticky note in the book for my brother) Who's Drew?
ME: My brother.
DAVID: Older or younger?
ME: Older.
DAVID: (as he writes) Oh, well, he's gonna be happy to be an uncle.
As I saw what he had written and tried to gracefully gather my things and leave, all I could say aloud was "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" I am going to be so embarrassed to give that to my brother!
I don't know what that means... proud for not getting pregnant? I guess that's what he meant by it...
So on to the actual reading...
The first story he read was one of those stories about animals he has been writing lately. It was about a crow and a sheep who had just given birth to a lamb. It was kind of long and not really that funny. It had funny moments, but it ended with the crow eating out the eyes of the newborn lamb, so I was struggling to recover from that imagery for the rest of the night (well, still, actually).
The second story was that story that was recently in the New Yorker- Suitable for Framing- about his parents buying art. I really like that story and it was good to hear it live, but I was disappointed that he chose to read a story I had already read and not the babysitter one that everyone has been telling me about :/
The last story was about "filthy people". It was a really long story which basically had three parts: this couple that looked really classy that he sat next to on an airplane that cussed the whole way, a cab driver who asked him why he didn't like pussy and if he "liked the dick", and being at Amy's apartment looking at a magazine about people having sex with animals.
The last story was definitely my favorite. The part with the cab driver was hilarious. And then the part with Amy, too.
The Q & A was pretty uneventful. People ask the stupidest questions. Someone asked if anyone had read his work and not liked it. What kind of a question is that. But someone did ask about his niece and he took a long pause before saying she was great. Then he explained that he hestitated because someone asked him that a month or so ago and he responded by saying she had been killed because he couldn't resist the temptation to make the person who asked feel really horribly. HAHA.
All in all, the night was fun, but I was a bit disappointed. Probably the least memorable of all the times I've seen him. But still worth the time/money.