what would retail be like if christ had never been born?
Hey, I have got a question.
Customer: "HI. I was wondering if you have a copy of (insert obscure gift book here)."
Literaticat: "Erm, no, I am afraid that is out of print. Sorry."
Customer: "No, no, because I bought it here before."
Literaticat: "Was it in - oh - 1997 or so?"
Customer: "Well, YES. I mean, it can't have gone out of PRINT. I bought it, HERE, in 1997! Just as you say!
Literaticat: "Right. But 1997 was the last year that it was printed. Now it is gone. You might try a used bookshop."
Customer: "But I don't want to give something used!
Literaticat: "It could still be sealed, for all I know. But if you want to give a gift that is brand new and still readily available, you will have to choose a different one. Sorry."
Customer: "I don't believe you."
Literaticat: "Look, ma'am. I have checked our inventory records. And the record of ALL the books in print in the country. I have also checked hard to find booksearches, Alibris, ABEBooks, and Powells. I cannot do anything else but wish you good luck, and suggest you maybe go online to Europe, because it may still be in print there. I would be happy to help you find something else. As you can see, there are many other people waiting -- sooo -- ahem."
Customer (failing to note throngs of pissed off customers and freaked out booksellers everywhere): "Well! I guess I'll just take my business to Amazon!"
Literaticat: (thinking -- good luck with that, cow, I checked amazon too. HA!)
And another thing. Why wait until a half hour before Hanukkah to buy gifts for that night? I mean, you have known it was coming up for HOW LONG? And if I offer to special order that one thing, and it will be in by tomorrow or the next day, why would you say "no"? I mean, it will still be Hanukkah tomorrow, and you can't get the thing for tonight -- why not order it in? Sheesh.
And why would you be angry if you have to wait 15 minutes to have your stuff wrapped? I mean, you are the lazy bastard who can't wrap his own cheap-ass gifts, and we are doing it for free -- you'd think 15 minutes would be a small price to pay. You think you are the only lazy bastard, or just the most important one?
And why hover over me while I am wrapping? You think I am retarded? That I will mix up the winter solstice paper with the Hanukkah paper or the christmas paper? And forget to label them? So that poor little Jane and Johnny will have to read books about Godesses and the Moon -- Sarah and Schmoel will be terrified by stories of reindeer -- and darling Rainbow and Serindipity will cry at night because the oil might run out? Oh, such accidents may happen in my dreams, fair customer, but rest assured, I would not ruin your holidays a'purpose... We have weeks to go before I am that punchy.
OK, that was more than one more thing. But enough rant, ready to face the hordes again.
Customer: "HI. I was wondering if you have a copy of (insert obscure gift book here)."
Literaticat: "Erm, no, I am afraid that is out of print. Sorry."
Customer: "No, no, because I bought it here before."
Literaticat: "Was it in - oh - 1997 or so?"
Customer: "Well, YES. I mean, it can't have gone out of PRINT. I bought it, HERE, in 1997! Just as you say!
Literaticat: "Right. But 1997 was the last year that it was printed. Now it is gone. You might try a used bookshop."
Customer: "But I don't want to give something used!
Literaticat: "It could still be sealed, for all I know. But if you want to give a gift that is brand new and still readily available, you will have to choose a different one. Sorry."
Customer: "I don't believe you."
Literaticat: "Look, ma'am. I have checked our inventory records. And the record of ALL the books in print in the country. I have also checked hard to find booksearches, Alibris, ABEBooks, and Powells. I cannot do anything else but wish you good luck, and suggest you maybe go online to Europe, because it may still be in print there. I would be happy to help you find something else. As you can see, there are many other people waiting -- sooo -- ahem."
Customer (failing to note throngs of pissed off customers and freaked out booksellers everywhere): "Well! I guess I'll just take my business to Amazon!"
Literaticat: (thinking -- good luck with that, cow, I checked amazon too. HA!)
And another thing. Why wait until a half hour before Hanukkah to buy gifts for that night? I mean, you have known it was coming up for HOW LONG? And if I offer to special order that one thing, and it will be in by tomorrow or the next day, why would you say "no"? I mean, it will still be Hanukkah tomorrow, and you can't get the thing for tonight -- why not order it in? Sheesh.
And why would you be angry if you have to wait 15 minutes to have your stuff wrapped? I mean, you are the lazy bastard who can't wrap his own cheap-ass gifts, and we are doing it for free -- you'd think 15 minutes would be a small price to pay. You think you are the only lazy bastard, or just the most important one?
And why hover over me while I am wrapping? You think I am retarded? That I will mix up the winter solstice paper with the Hanukkah paper or the christmas paper? And forget to label them? So that poor little Jane and Johnny will have to read books about Godesses and the Moon -- Sarah and Schmoel will be terrified by stories of reindeer -- and darling Rainbow and Serindipity will cry at night because the oil might run out? Oh, such accidents may happen in my dreams, fair customer, but rest assured, I would not ruin your holidays a'purpose... We have weeks to go before I am that punchy.
OK, that was more than one more thing. But enough rant, ready to face the hordes again.