(no subject)
And so this is the third time I've "broken up" with you. Which I suppose gives me some kind of authority on significant breakups, that I should now know the drill like the back of my hand. Except that this time, I feel a gutburning sensation that it's the worst (or the best) one. But because I know this has happened before, I hope I will be able to lessen the effects.
I know for the next few weeks I will wake up, wanting to cry but i will stop myself because I can't be seen with a teary face in the morning when I go to work. Surprisingly, I will feel like dying when I've explicitly told myself not to die young, but trust me I will have that awful want to die just so it will not hurt so much inside. It will be easier when I start my journey to work but not without walking slowly, not without a kind of rhythm I used to have.
And on the train when I listen to my iPod, when the sad songs come up, I will tear up like I am now, and I will wipe them away from my eyes and nose embarassingly and just try to keep my head downward like a selfish person hogging the trainseat.
I will spend the rest of the day, faking to be okay if not happy (fake it til you make it, thats what they say) because it's rude to talk about work while crying.
I will go home after work, or go swim so that it wets my eyes in a gentler way and I get tireder when I get home and I will just crash on the bed without thinking too much.
I hope for some reason, you will be able to read this and slowly understand why I have to make such a severe break between us, so that we will all lose memory of each other.
That one day I hope we'll end up like Joel and Clementine in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", reformatted their whole system and restart again.