and if the ship was built in bottled sand.
It's become obvious to me, not so much recently, but Ive finally come to grips with myself. Companionship is a rough subject for me. I have become aware that it simply ceases to exist for me and in my life. Maybe this is cause for me to continue numbing myself. Maybe Im too blind to notice missed opportunities. Maybe, just maybe, the girl that Ive been searching for has already passed me by. I dont have a definite answer, and I guess the past is the past and I should leave it at that, but I cant help wondering, and the question "what if?" seems to play more of a role in my life. I guess time will tell if there is someone for me, but as for right now, at this very moment in time, the answer seems to be non-existent. Ive always thought of myself as a nice guy. Maybe that isnt what the female gender wants. Maybe I should just reconsider my morals and try something new. I dont know what to think anymore, and the re-occurring pain doesnt seem to help. So I falsely wear this mask of happiness to fool the others, to fool myself, when in reality, this re-enacted pain flares inside me, it burns, and it fills my chest with every breath I take in. I just want what so many others that I know have. Im becoming sickly tired of the same daily regiment. I need a change for once. Something profound. I want to experience love for once. Bold-faced lies need not apply.