Fire and Ice - Chapter 18
Our Hockey boys continue their quest for true love.
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Setting: AU/AU
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Disclaimer: The characters of Ennis and Jack belong to the fabulously talented Annie Proulx. No disrespect is intended. Any OCs are mine.
Summary: Ennis del Mar is a defenseman and Jack Twist a left wing on a minor-league hockey team who meet when Ennis is assigned to Jack’s team.
Feedback: Yes, please. Always welcome.
Warnings: M/m smex, drinking, homophobia, foul language, angst, injuries, more smex, and occasionally some hockey thrown in.
Thanks to: Heidi my girl, and anyone who is still hanging in there and reading this.
Dedicated to: former NHLer John Kordic. Miss you, buddy.
Chapter 18
After the interview, the Twists and Ennis left the rink and drove home, the girls in Jack’s truck, Ennis and Jack in Ennis’s.
For the boys, the first part of the ride was silent, each of them lost in his own thoughts.
Jack didn’t want to start the conversation; he wanted Ennis to bridge the gap and come to him, not the other way around. He nervously waited but finally he was rewarded, albeit in a very Ennis-like way:
“So… big game, eh?”
Jack smiled to himself at Ennis’s reticence. “Yeah, for you. Congratulations, by the way. You played great.”
“Ehhh,” Ennis mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “I just got lucky.”
“No, you were good,” corrected Jack, turning to him. “You know as well as I do that most players never have a night like that in their whole careers.”
“Not defensemen, anyway,” joked Ennis, and he winked at Jack.
That’s what I’ve been missing, Jack thought wistfully, the fun Ennis I remember.
“Yeah, true,” agreed Jack. “Especially defensemen. Usually you’re like cement trucks out there.”
Ennis took the bait. “Or cement heads,” he threw back.
“I wasn’t gonna say that, but…” Jack joked, laughing at the old terminology for a player who was dumb and not very talented, but served as a physical presence on the ice.
Ennis chuckled.
“What’d you think of Tracy interviewing us?” asked Jack, desperate to keep the conversation going.
“She’s cool. She’ll do all right with it. She’s not going to make it into a fluffy piece.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “So…” he paused, not quite knowing how to word what he wanted to say. “Are we…cool?”
Ennis was silent for a moment. “Yeah,” he said vaguely. “Jack, can you-can you give me some time on this?”
Jack’s heart leapt up into his throat. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? he thought. “What do you mean?”
Ennis sighed. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m scared shitless.”
“Of…of us?” asked Jack quietly.
“Yeah. Of everything, I guess. I don’t know if I can-can do this.”
Jack looked out the windshield at the dark night. “Ennis,” he began, choosing his words carefully, “I don’t know if I can, either.”
“Really?” Ennis turned to look at him.
“Yeah, but not in the way you think,” he continued. “I’m happy with who I am. Yeah, I’m gay. To me it’s no big deal. You’re obviously still wrestling with that. That’s okay. But I can’t wait around for years for you to make up your mind. You know? If I retire, I’m moving on. That’s it. I’ll be out from then on. If you want to stay in the closet, go ahead, I understand. But I’m not going to be in there with you.”
Jack had surprised himself with the conviction of his words, but he realized that it was how he really felt and how good it felt to say them.
“Mm,” mumbled Ennis, and Jack knew he was considering Jack’s words. “Are you going to stay in Cooper Bay?”
Jack stared out the passenger window. “I dunno. I’d like to, but I have a lot to think about. If it’s going to reflect badly on the team or on you…maybe not.”
Ennis didn’t say anything.
“I don’t want to embarrass you, Ennis.”
Ennis frowned as Jack looked at him. “You don’t embarrass me,” he said sternly.
“I mean,” Jack said gently, “in the future. If I retire and come out, you’re going to be the roommate of ‘that gay hockey player’. You want that? You think it’s bad now?”
Ennis actually chuckled, which surprised Jack, and he laughed too.
“Are you staying for Christmas?” Jack blurted out, not meaning to.
“Yeah. I’m staying.”
Jack tried not to get his hopes up. “Why-why did you give the girls their jerseys, then?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure before. But they’ve all been so nice to me, I feel like...I feel like I should stay.”
Jack pondered that. “’Should’ stay, or you ‘want’ to stay?”
Ennis looked at him, his face inscrutable. “I want to.”
Jack felt a little better at that as Ennis turned into the driveway. “I’m really sorry I flipped out about Renee catching us. It wasn’t your fault.”
“She doesn’t care, you know,” Jack replied. “The girls are fine with me being gay. I told them.”
“It went okay for ya?” Ennis asked, smiling.
“Yep,” Jack said as he saw the girls pull in behind them. “I didn’t say anything about you.” Jack reached for the door handle. “Oh, and we need to talk later about Julie.”
“Julie?”
“Yeah. About her crush on you.”
“Crush?” asked Ennis, who looked mildly horrified. “What?”
“Didn’t you hear what Renee said last night? She’s mackin’ on you,” Jack said with a grin.
“Oh God. I was kinda distracted. I didn’t hear her say that.”
Jack looked in the side mirror. “Here they come. Let’s go.”
***
As everyone walked in the house, Renee pulled Jack back on the porch. “You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he assured her. “We talked a little. He’s really scared.”
“I can understand that, but he needs to loosen up,” she shivered in the cold, wrapping her arms around her. “That boy is clenched so tight, the next time he goes to the bathroom he’s going to crap a diamond.”
Jack laughed. His twin talked like a truck driver and always had, and yet she was one of the most feminine and professional women he’d ever known.
“Nice,” he teased her. “Now there’s a visual I didn’t need.”
She threw back her dark hair and laughed. “Hey, I’m going to talk to Julie about Ennis. I can’t believe she wore his jersey to the game and not yours.”
“Go easy on her. She’s a kid with a crush.”
“A crush on a closeted gay man.”
Jack looked horrified. “Don’t tell her-“
She frowned. “I won’t tell her. I’ll think of something. Maybe that he has a girlfriend back home.”
Jack winced in the dark, not wanting her to know how close she was to the truth. “Yeah, tell her that. I’ll tell Ennis to play along.”
“Are you going to tell Tara and Annette about you and Ennis?” she asked as they turned to go inside.
“Eventually,” he replied. “Just let me get through this shit with him.”
***
Renee waited until later that night when she saw Julie go into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and followed her.
“Man, am I tired,” Renee lied, making conversation as Julie spit toothpaste in the sink. “That game really took it out of me.”
“I know, it was great, wasn’t it?” asked Julie, her eyes lighting up. “Ennis played so well!”
Here we go, thought Renee. “Yeah, about Ennis…you like him, don’t you?”
Julie blushed. “He’s really cute, and so nice. He’s a little older than me, but he’s so…”
She trailed off.
“Has he encouraged you at all?” prodded Renee.
Julie looked into the mirror. “Not really,” she admitted. “I don’t think he sees me that way.”
“Well, honey, there might be a reason for that,” said Renee gently.
Her sister’s face fell. “What are you talking about?”
“Um…I think he has a girlfriend back home. Jack said something offhand about it.” She rubbed Julie’s arm. “You okay?”
Julie looked disappointed. “Yeah. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. He’s so hot.”
Renee smiled sadly at her little sister. “Yeah, he is. But I think he’s taken.”
“Thank God it’s just a girlfriend,” Julie said, brushing her hair.
“What do you mean, ‘just a girlfriend’?”
“I thought you were going to tell me he and Jack were gay.”
Renee swallowed.
“I mean, wouldn’t that suck, getting a crush on your brother’s boyfriend?” Julie actually laughed. “What could be more pathetic?”
***
Christmas morning arrived, and everyone trooped blearily into the living room, clutching coffee mugs and wearing tired smiles. Everyone except Ennis.
“Seems weird without Mom and Dad here,” mused Tara.
“Yeah,” Annette nodded. “Mom said they’d call later today.”
“Jack,” asked Renee, “where’s Ennis?”
“Still asleep, I guess,” he mused, gulping his coffee.
“Well, go wake him up. Let’s get this party started.”
Jack glared at Renee, who merely grinned evilly back.
“You go get him,” he shot back.
“I’m not going in there. He’s probably naked.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and he glared at her again.
“Oooh, let’s all go,” leered Annette.
“Not me,” grumbled Julie.
“C’mon, Jack, you’ve seen him naked before. Go get him.”
Jack mentally made a note to pay his twin back in spades as he pulled himself up out of his chair, seeing no other way out of the situation. As he walked by Renee he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I hate you so hard right now.”
She just laughed.
***
Tap, tap, tap.
“Ennis?” called Jack softly.
He heard a grumble from behind the door and Jack opened it, half-hoping Renee was actually right and that Ennis was naked.
He looked around the door at the bed. Ennis lay on his back, one arm behind his head, his eyes closed. His comforter and blanket were pushed down to his waist, and his hard chest rose and fell with each breath. Jack winced as he noticed Ennis’s big thigh sticking out from under the blanket.
God, do me a favor and kill me now, he thought miserably, remembering Ennis’s thighs flexing as he’d pushed into Jack the last time they’d had sex. Gulping, he dismissed the thought before he got hard.
“Ennis? Wake up.”
The big man stirred, and Jack walked closer to the bed.
“Ennis?”
His eyes opened and he looked drowsily up at Jack. “Whut?” he grumbled.
God, he’s handsome, Jack thought as he smiled down at him. “It’s Christmas. The Twist girls request your presence in the living room.”
“Just the girls?” grinned Ennis as he sat up.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Get up,” he barked good-naturedly, and before he knew it Ennis was standing in front of him, naked as a statue. He didn’t dare look down, although the urge to do so nearly won out. He tried to play it cool, warning Ennis jokingly, “I’d recommend putting on at least pants before going out in the living room.” He started to turn away before a hand on his arm stopped him.
“Merry Christmas,” said Ennis in a low voice before kissing him gently on the lips.
Jack wanted to be angry; he wanted to shout and push Ennis away and say all the ‘how dare you’ words he’d read in books, but it felt too good. He managed to keep his hands by his sides, but how he did it, he didn’t have a clue. His fingers itched to snake up Ennis’s biceps and twirl themselves in his hair until he couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the other began. Cursing himself for his weakness, he kissed Ennis back, not believing what was happening when he felt his face cradled in Ennis’s big hands and Ennis’s tongue pushed against his lips.
At that, Jack tore himself away. “No, Ennis. I can’t.”
Ennis looked destroyed. “Jack-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“
“You’re right,” Jack said as he wiped his mouth with his hand. “You shouldn’t have. You can’t have it both ways.” With that, he left the room, closing the door behind him.
***
As soon as Jack and Ennis were both in the room, Tara and Julie began dispersing the presents. Soon everyone had a pile and the opening began, but none of the girls noticed the tension between the two men.
As Jack opened a box from Tara, he felt his cheeks getting hot. How could he do that? Did he think we were just going to fall back into bed and pick up where we left off? Fucker. Does he know how close I came to giving in? God damn him anyway. So what happens next? We fuck till he freaks out again, and I get left high and dry? Fuck that. Fucking asshole. Why’d he have to taste so good?
Miserably, Ennis sat on the other side of the room, stealing glances at his friend. Jesus, did I fuck up. He’s probably plotting my murder right now. God dammit. He just looked so fucking good, I couldn’t help myself. It’s not like I planned it, Jack. You were just standing there looking so…hot. Ah, fuck, what do I do now? Apologize? Grovel at his feet? Oh yeah, that’ll work. I’ll probably try to suck his dick and he’ll kick me in the nuts. Fuck. Fuck!!
Imperceptibly, the two men looked at each other at the same moment and locked eyes.
I’m sorry, Jack. I swear to God.
It’s like you know how weak I am.
Jack-I can’t help it-I can’t keep away from you.
You know how I feel, don’t you?
Yeah. There ain’t no reins on this one, bud.
I know, Ennis. Believe me, I know.
Their wordless conversation over, they both returned to opening their gifts and watching everyone else ooh and aah over their own. When it came to opening each other’s, they waited, meeting each other’s gaze, then beginning.
Jack watched silently as Ennis opened the watch. His mouth dropped open in surprise and he looked at Jack, who smiled in return. Ennis looked really happy, and that was enough for Jack. Ennis nodded toward the presents, and Jack picked up one of the two boxes. He pretended to shake it, and Ennis laughed from across the room.
The two hadn’t even noticed that Jack’s sisters had all stopped to watch them. Jack slid the ribbon off the box and opened the lid to find the softest, deepest-blue sweater he’d ever held in his hands. He almost dropped it back in the box when he realized it was cashmere. He looked up at Ennis in shock.
“Julie helped me pick it out,” he explained.
“Wow. It’s nice,” answered Jack, still surprised. He put the sweater back in the box and reached for the other present. It was heavier, and he looked at Ennis quizzically. He just shrugged and grinned. Jack tore off the wrap and was touched at what he found inside: a hardbound copy of Bartlett’s Quotations.
His blue eyes met Ennis’s brown ones, and he thanked him without speaking. Ennis gave his crooked grin in reply, and Jack had to look away to keep from going over to him and jumping his bones right there in the living room.
Jack was bemused that both he and Ennis had enlisted his sisters’ help to pick out gifts for the other, but he was glad now that he had asked as he watched Ennis strap on the watch, set it, and look up smiling at him. It was a genuine smile, Jack could tell, and he knew he’d pleased him.
Thinking on his earlier rejection of Ennis, Jack felt his despair bubbling to the surface again. How can he do this to me? he thought with some unease. It’s clear that we can’t stay away from each other. So why did he kiss me? He knows what it would probably lead to-but he does it anyway. I don’t get it. I swear to God, I will never understand Ennis del Mar.
He knew he had had to be the one to end the kiss. Even though he did it for self-preservation-certainly not for lack of wanting to kiss him, that was for sure--Jack knew his refusal to continue the kiss was a futile one. All Ennis had to do was look at him the right way and he was as hard as concrete wall and as turned on as a 40 year old virgin in a whorehouse. Why, though? his conscience roared. Why does Ennis have the power to make me go completely insane?
But he knew; deep down he knew exactly why. As he watched his sisters open their presents, he wondered if Ennis had ever admitted to himself if he loved Jack. Probably not, he thought; that would implode his brain for sure. He can’t even admit that he’s gay-how could he admit that he loves a man?
Jack sighed as he watched Ennis laughing with his sisters, hoping beyond hope that Ennis would just wake up and smell the coffee, and soon-or Jack was going to explode, and he wasn’t sure whether it would be from anger or sexual repression.
***
“All right, let’s get this mess cleaned up,” Annette ordered as everyone inspected each other’s presents. “And, Jack and Ennis, you two relax. We’re going to make breakfast for you.”
“Oh God, don’t set my kitchen on fire,” Jack teased.
“Bite me,” she retorted. “What do you guys want to eat?”
Jack was about to tell her that Ennis liked French toast with warmed syrup, but Ennis beat him to the punch.
“That good for you too, Jack?” she asked as she headed toward the kitchen with Julie.
“Sure,” he nodded.
Renee came back from the kitchen with two big trash bags and started stuffing them with wrappings and bows. Jack and Ennis stood to help her but she shooed them away.
“Go enjoy your presents,” she winked. “We’ll take care of everything out here.”
Jack looked at Ennis and winced as Ennis jerked his head towards their bedrooms and said, “Come on. We’ve been banished.”
“Just until breakfast,” she added.
After they collected their gifts, Jack reluctantly followed Ennis to his room. I don’t want to be alone with him, he thought in a panicked way as Ennis shut the door behind them.
“Jack, thanks so much for the watch,” Ennis smiled as he looked down at it and then back up at Jack. “It must’ve been expensive.”
“Not really. Not any more than a cashmere sweater and the book. Thanks a lot-they’re both really nice.”
“You’re welcome,” Ennis replied, looking down at his hands. Damn, it’s almost like he’s shy, thought Jack.
“Can I-ask you something?” Ennis asked.
Jack hesitated. “Sure.”
“Will you…will you try on the sweater? So I can see if it fits?”
God dammit, Ennis, thought Jack. You’re doing this on purpose. You want to see me half naked or whatever, and you know I can’t say no without looking like a jerk or an asshole.
“I’ll try it on later and let you know,” decided Jack, knowing full well that the sweater would fit like a glove.
“Please?” came a plaintive voice out of Ennis’s body. “I…I want to see you in it.”
Jack stared angrily at Ennis.
“You can’t keep doing this, you know.”
Ennis was silent.
“You can’t keep flirting with me and fucking with my head,” insisted Jack.
“It’s not your head I want to fuck.”
The words spun Jack around the room, though he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or desire. “Ennis, I told you before…you can’t have it both ways.”
“And I told you, I need some time. I need to adjust to the idea of…us.”
“Oh, and fucking my brains out is part of your adjustment process?” snapped Jack. “No, Ennis. I’m not trying on the sweater so you can ogle me or rip it off me. I can’t…I can’t put myself in that position again, where you get what you want and I get left high and dry.”
“You want it too!”
“I know I do,” Jack reasoned. “But I want the whole enchilada-everything. And you don’t. You just want to get laid.” He turned and walked to the door. “See you at breakfast.”
He left and pulled the door shut behind him, and he heard Ennis say “Fuck!” really loud and slam something. He wondered why it didn’t make him feel any better that Ennis was hurting, too.
tbc...
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Setting: AU/AU
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Disclaimer: The characters of Ennis and Jack belong to the fabulously talented Annie Proulx. No disrespect is intended. Any OCs are mine.
Summary: Ennis del Mar is a defenseman and Jack Twist a left wing on a minor-league hockey team who meet when Ennis is assigned to Jack’s team.
Feedback: Yes, please. Always welcome.
Warnings: M/m smex, drinking, homophobia, foul language, angst, injuries, more smex, and occasionally some hockey thrown in.
Thanks to: Heidi my girl, and anyone who is still hanging in there and reading this.
Dedicated to: former NHLer John Kordic. Miss you, buddy.
Chapter 18
After the interview, the Twists and Ennis left the rink and drove home, the girls in Jack’s truck, Ennis and Jack in Ennis’s.
For the boys, the first part of the ride was silent, each of them lost in his own thoughts.
Jack didn’t want to start the conversation; he wanted Ennis to bridge the gap and come to him, not the other way around. He nervously waited but finally he was rewarded, albeit in a very Ennis-like way:
“So… big game, eh?”
Jack smiled to himself at Ennis’s reticence. “Yeah, for you. Congratulations, by the way. You played great.”
“Ehhh,” Ennis mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “I just got lucky.”
“No, you were good,” corrected Jack, turning to him. “You know as well as I do that most players never have a night like that in their whole careers.”
“Not defensemen, anyway,” joked Ennis, and he winked at Jack.
That’s what I’ve been missing, Jack thought wistfully, the fun Ennis I remember.
“Yeah, true,” agreed Jack. “Especially defensemen. Usually you’re like cement trucks out there.”
Ennis took the bait. “Or cement heads,” he threw back.
“I wasn’t gonna say that, but…” Jack joked, laughing at the old terminology for a player who was dumb and not very talented, but served as a physical presence on the ice.
Ennis chuckled.
“What’d you think of Tracy interviewing us?” asked Jack, desperate to keep the conversation going.
“She’s cool. She’ll do all right with it. She’s not going to make it into a fluffy piece.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “So…” he paused, not quite knowing how to word what he wanted to say. “Are we…cool?”
Ennis was silent for a moment. “Yeah,” he said vaguely. “Jack, can you-can you give me some time on this?”
Jack’s heart leapt up into his throat. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? he thought. “What do you mean?”
Ennis sighed. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m scared shitless.”
“Of…of us?” asked Jack quietly.
“Yeah. Of everything, I guess. I don’t know if I can-can do this.”
Jack looked out the windshield at the dark night. “Ennis,” he began, choosing his words carefully, “I don’t know if I can, either.”
“Really?” Ennis turned to look at him.
“Yeah, but not in the way you think,” he continued. “I’m happy with who I am. Yeah, I’m gay. To me it’s no big deal. You’re obviously still wrestling with that. That’s okay. But I can’t wait around for years for you to make up your mind. You know? If I retire, I’m moving on. That’s it. I’ll be out from then on. If you want to stay in the closet, go ahead, I understand. But I’m not going to be in there with you.”
Jack had surprised himself with the conviction of his words, but he realized that it was how he really felt and how good it felt to say them.
“Mm,” mumbled Ennis, and Jack knew he was considering Jack’s words. “Are you going to stay in Cooper Bay?”
Jack stared out the passenger window. “I dunno. I’d like to, but I have a lot to think about. If it’s going to reflect badly on the team or on you…maybe not.”
Ennis didn’t say anything.
“I don’t want to embarrass you, Ennis.”
Ennis frowned as Jack looked at him. “You don’t embarrass me,” he said sternly.
“I mean,” Jack said gently, “in the future. If I retire and come out, you’re going to be the roommate of ‘that gay hockey player’. You want that? You think it’s bad now?”
Ennis actually chuckled, which surprised Jack, and he laughed too.
“Are you staying for Christmas?” Jack blurted out, not meaning to.
“Yeah. I’m staying.”
Jack tried not to get his hopes up. “Why-why did you give the girls their jerseys, then?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure before. But they’ve all been so nice to me, I feel like...I feel like I should stay.”
Jack pondered that. “’Should’ stay, or you ‘want’ to stay?”
Ennis looked at him, his face inscrutable. “I want to.”
Jack felt a little better at that as Ennis turned into the driveway. “I’m really sorry I flipped out about Renee catching us. It wasn’t your fault.”
“She doesn’t care, you know,” Jack replied. “The girls are fine with me being gay. I told them.”
“It went okay for ya?” Ennis asked, smiling.
“Yep,” Jack said as he saw the girls pull in behind them. “I didn’t say anything about you.” Jack reached for the door handle. “Oh, and we need to talk later about Julie.”
“Julie?”
“Yeah. About her crush on you.”
“Crush?” asked Ennis, who looked mildly horrified. “What?”
“Didn’t you hear what Renee said last night? She’s mackin’ on you,” Jack said with a grin.
“Oh God. I was kinda distracted. I didn’t hear her say that.”
Jack looked in the side mirror. “Here they come. Let’s go.”
***
As everyone walked in the house, Renee pulled Jack back on the porch. “You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he assured her. “We talked a little. He’s really scared.”
“I can understand that, but he needs to loosen up,” she shivered in the cold, wrapping her arms around her. “That boy is clenched so tight, the next time he goes to the bathroom he’s going to crap a diamond.”
Jack laughed. His twin talked like a truck driver and always had, and yet she was one of the most feminine and professional women he’d ever known.
“Nice,” he teased her. “Now there’s a visual I didn’t need.”
She threw back her dark hair and laughed. “Hey, I’m going to talk to Julie about Ennis. I can’t believe she wore his jersey to the game and not yours.”
“Go easy on her. She’s a kid with a crush.”
“A crush on a closeted gay man.”
Jack looked horrified. “Don’t tell her-“
She frowned. “I won’t tell her. I’ll think of something. Maybe that he has a girlfriend back home.”
Jack winced in the dark, not wanting her to know how close she was to the truth. “Yeah, tell her that. I’ll tell Ennis to play along.”
“Are you going to tell Tara and Annette about you and Ennis?” she asked as they turned to go inside.
“Eventually,” he replied. “Just let me get through this shit with him.”
***
Renee waited until later that night when she saw Julie go into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and followed her.
“Man, am I tired,” Renee lied, making conversation as Julie spit toothpaste in the sink. “That game really took it out of me.”
“I know, it was great, wasn’t it?” asked Julie, her eyes lighting up. “Ennis played so well!”
Here we go, thought Renee. “Yeah, about Ennis…you like him, don’t you?”
Julie blushed. “He’s really cute, and so nice. He’s a little older than me, but he’s so…”
She trailed off.
“Has he encouraged you at all?” prodded Renee.
Julie looked into the mirror. “Not really,” she admitted. “I don’t think he sees me that way.”
“Well, honey, there might be a reason for that,” said Renee gently.
Her sister’s face fell. “What are you talking about?”
“Um…I think he has a girlfriend back home. Jack said something offhand about it.” She rubbed Julie’s arm. “You okay?”
Julie looked disappointed. “Yeah. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. He’s so hot.”
Renee smiled sadly at her little sister. “Yeah, he is. But I think he’s taken.”
“Thank God it’s just a girlfriend,” Julie said, brushing her hair.
“What do you mean, ‘just a girlfriend’?”
“I thought you were going to tell me he and Jack were gay.”
Renee swallowed.
“I mean, wouldn’t that suck, getting a crush on your brother’s boyfriend?” Julie actually laughed. “What could be more pathetic?”
***
Christmas morning arrived, and everyone trooped blearily into the living room, clutching coffee mugs and wearing tired smiles. Everyone except Ennis.
“Seems weird without Mom and Dad here,” mused Tara.
“Yeah,” Annette nodded. “Mom said they’d call later today.”
“Jack,” asked Renee, “where’s Ennis?”
“Still asleep, I guess,” he mused, gulping his coffee.
“Well, go wake him up. Let’s get this party started.”
Jack glared at Renee, who merely grinned evilly back.
“You go get him,” he shot back.
“I’m not going in there. He’s probably naked.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and he glared at her again.
“Oooh, let’s all go,” leered Annette.
“Not me,” grumbled Julie.
“C’mon, Jack, you’ve seen him naked before. Go get him.”
Jack mentally made a note to pay his twin back in spades as he pulled himself up out of his chair, seeing no other way out of the situation. As he walked by Renee he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I hate you so hard right now.”
She just laughed.
***
Tap, tap, tap.
“Ennis?” called Jack softly.
He heard a grumble from behind the door and Jack opened it, half-hoping Renee was actually right and that Ennis was naked.
He looked around the door at the bed. Ennis lay on his back, one arm behind his head, his eyes closed. His comforter and blanket were pushed down to his waist, and his hard chest rose and fell with each breath. Jack winced as he noticed Ennis’s big thigh sticking out from under the blanket.
God, do me a favor and kill me now, he thought miserably, remembering Ennis’s thighs flexing as he’d pushed into Jack the last time they’d had sex. Gulping, he dismissed the thought before he got hard.
“Ennis? Wake up.”
The big man stirred, and Jack walked closer to the bed.
“Ennis?”
His eyes opened and he looked drowsily up at Jack. “Whut?” he grumbled.
God, he’s handsome, Jack thought as he smiled down at him. “It’s Christmas. The Twist girls request your presence in the living room.”
“Just the girls?” grinned Ennis as he sat up.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Get up,” he barked good-naturedly, and before he knew it Ennis was standing in front of him, naked as a statue. He didn’t dare look down, although the urge to do so nearly won out. He tried to play it cool, warning Ennis jokingly, “I’d recommend putting on at least pants before going out in the living room.” He started to turn away before a hand on his arm stopped him.
“Merry Christmas,” said Ennis in a low voice before kissing him gently on the lips.
Jack wanted to be angry; he wanted to shout and push Ennis away and say all the ‘how dare you’ words he’d read in books, but it felt too good. He managed to keep his hands by his sides, but how he did it, he didn’t have a clue. His fingers itched to snake up Ennis’s biceps and twirl themselves in his hair until he couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the other began. Cursing himself for his weakness, he kissed Ennis back, not believing what was happening when he felt his face cradled in Ennis’s big hands and Ennis’s tongue pushed against his lips.
At that, Jack tore himself away. “No, Ennis. I can’t.”
Ennis looked destroyed. “Jack-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“
“You’re right,” Jack said as he wiped his mouth with his hand. “You shouldn’t have. You can’t have it both ways.” With that, he left the room, closing the door behind him.
***
As soon as Jack and Ennis were both in the room, Tara and Julie began dispersing the presents. Soon everyone had a pile and the opening began, but none of the girls noticed the tension between the two men.
As Jack opened a box from Tara, he felt his cheeks getting hot. How could he do that? Did he think we were just going to fall back into bed and pick up where we left off? Fucker. Does he know how close I came to giving in? God damn him anyway. So what happens next? We fuck till he freaks out again, and I get left high and dry? Fuck that. Fucking asshole. Why’d he have to taste so good?
Miserably, Ennis sat on the other side of the room, stealing glances at his friend. Jesus, did I fuck up. He’s probably plotting my murder right now. God dammit. He just looked so fucking good, I couldn’t help myself. It’s not like I planned it, Jack. You were just standing there looking so…hot. Ah, fuck, what do I do now? Apologize? Grovel at his feet? Oh yeah, that’ll work. I’ll probably try to suck his dick and he’ll kick me in the nuts. Fuck. Fuck!!
Imperceptibly, the two men looked at each other at the same moment and locked eyes.
I’m sorry, Jack. I swear to God.
It’s like you know how weak I am.
Jack-I can’t help it-I can’t keep away from you.
You know how I feel, don’t you?
Yeah. There ain’t no reins on this one, bud.
I know, Ennis. Believe me, I know.
Their wordless conversation over, they both returned to opening their gifts and watching everyone else ooh and aah over their own. When it came to opening each other’s, they waited, meeting each other’s gaze, then beginning.
Jack watched silently as Ennis opened the watch. His mouth dropped open in surprise and he looked at Jack, who smiled in return. Ennis looked really happy, and that was enough for Jack. Ennis nodded toward the presents, and Jack picked up one of the two boxes. He pretended to shake it, and Ennis laughed from across the room.
The two hadn’t even noticed that Jack’s sisters had all stopped to watch them. Jack slid the ribbon off the box and opened the lid to find the softest, deepest-blue sweater he’d ever held in his hands. He almost dropped it back in the box when he realized it was cashmere. He looked up at Ennis in shock.
“Julie helped me pick it out,” he explained.
“Wow. It’s nice,” answered Jack, still surprised. He put the sweater back in the box and reached for the other present. It was heavier, and he looked at Ennis quizzically. He just shrugged and grinned. Jack tore off the wrap and was touched at what he found inside: a hardbound copy of Bartlett’s Quotations.
His blue eyes met Ennis’s brown ones, and he thanked him without speaking. Ennis gave his crooked grin in reply, and Jack had to look away to keep from going over to him and jumping his bones right there in the living room.
Jack was bemused that both he and Ennis had enlisted his sisters’ help to pick out gifts for the other, but he was glad now that he had asked as he watched Ennis strap on the watch, set it, and look up smiling at him. It was a genuine smile, Jack could tell, and he knew he’d pleased him.
Thinking on his earlier rejection of Ennis, Jack felt his despair bubbling to the surface again. How can he do this to me? he thought with some unease. It’s clear that we can’t stay away from each other. So why did he kiss me? He knows what it would probably lead to-but he does it anyway. I don’t get it. I swear to God, I will never understand Ennis del Mar.
He knew he had had to be the one to end the kiss. Even though he did it for self-preservation-certainly not for lack of wanting to kiss him, that was for sure--Jack knew his refusal to continue the kiss was a futile one. All Ennis had to do was look at him the right way and he was as hard as concrete wall and as turned on as a 40 year old virgin in a whorehouse. Why, though? his conscience roared. Why does Ennis have the power to make me go completely insane?
But he knew; deep down he knew exactly why. As he watched his sisters open their presents, he wondered if Ennis had ever admitted to himself if he loved Jack. Probably not, he thought; that would implode his brain for sure. He can’t even admit that he’s gay-how could he admit that he loves a man?
Jack sighed as he watched Ennis laughing with his sisters, hoping beyond hope that Ennis would just wake up and smell the coffee, and soon-or Jack was going to explode, and he wasn’t sure whether it would be from anger or sexual repression.
***
“All right, let’s get this mess cleaned up,” Annette ordered as everyone inspected each other’s presents. “And, Jack and Ennis, you two relax. We’re going to make breakfast for you.”
“Oh God, don’t set my kitchen on fire,” Jack teased.
“Bite me,” she retorted. “What do you guys want to eat?”
Jack was about to tell her that Ennis liked French toast with warmed syrup, but Ennis beat him to the punch.
“That good for you too, Jack?” she asked as she headed toward the kitchen with Julie.
“Sure,” he nodded.
Renee came back from the kitchen with two big trash bags and started stuffing them with wrappings and bows. Jack and Ennis stood to help her but she shooed them away.
“Go enjoy your presents,” she winked. “We’ll take care of everything out here.”
Jack looked at Ennis and winced as Ennis jerked his head towards their bedrooms and said, “Come on. We’ve been banished.”
“Just until breakfast,” she added.
After they collected their gifts, Jack reluctantly followed Ennis to his room. I don’t want to be alone with him, he thought in a panicked way as Ennis shut the door behind them.
“Jack, thanks so much for the watch,” Ennis smiled as he looked down at it and then back up at Jack. “It must’ve been expensive.”
“Not really. Not any more than a cashmere sweater and the book. Thanks a lot-they’re both really nice.”
“You’re welcome,” Ennis replied, looking down at his hands. Damn, it’s almost like he’s shy, thought Jack.
“Can I-ask you something?” Ennis asked.
Jack hesitated. “Sure.”
“Will you…will you try on the sweater? So I can see if it fits?”
God dammit, Ennis, thought Jack. You’re doing this on purpose. You want to see me half naked or whatever, and you know I can’t say no without looking like a jerk or an asshole.
“I’ll try it on later and let you know,” decided Jack, knowing full well that the sweater would fit like a glove.
“Please?” came a plaintive voice out of Ennis’s body. “I…I want to see you in it.”
Jack stared angrily at Ennis.
“You can’t keep doing this, you know.”
Ennis was silent.
“You can’t keep flirting with me and fucking with my head,” insisted Jack.
“It’s not your head I want to fuck.”
The words spun Jack around the room, though he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or desire. “Ennis, I told you before…you can’t have it both ways.”
“And I told you, I need some time. I need to adjust to the idea of…us.”
“Oh, and fucking my brains out is part of your adjustment process?” snapped Jack. “No, Ennis. I’m not trying on the sweater so you can ogle me or rip it off me. I can’t…I can’t put myself in that position again, where you get what you want and I get left high and dry.”
“You want it too!”
“I know I do,” Jack reasoned. “But I want the whole enchilada-everything. And you don’t. You just want to get laid.” He turned and walked to the door. “See you at breakfast.”
He left and pulled the door shut behind him, and he heard Ennis say “Fuck!” really loud and slam something. He wondered why it didn’t make him feel any better that Ennis was hurting, too.
tbc...