A Game of Poker, Chapter 37: All That Is Left

[bookkbaby]

Title: A Game of Poker
Author: Bookkbaby
Rating: Teen
Warnings: YAOI
Summary: LUCKY Pair. It started as a simple game of poker, but a little white lie from Lavi changes everything. ['If you lose... you spend the night here, with me, and let me do whatever I want with you.']



Warnings: YAOI, which means BOYS LOVING BOYS. If you dislike that, then the back button is easy enough to find. Please click that and leave. Limes are in the future, and lemons. Maybe some OOC, spoilers for the end of the anime later on.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these lovely characters, that honor belongs to Katsura Hoshino. (Though if Hoshino-sama ever has a sale, I call dibs on Tyki… what?) I don’t own anything but a copy of the anime series and all volumes of the manga in English. Anything you don’t recognize (like the plotline of ‘A Game of Poker’) does belong to me. Everything else… not so much. Please don’t sue.

Beta’d by the amazing MantisReign, Niamh, and Cackles!

This chapter’s title comes from a quote by Harry Mathews: “A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left him.”

Last Time On ‘A Game Of Poker’:

Bookman had turned a blind eye as Lavi had begun to open his heart to those at the Order. He had tried to ignore the signs that his apprentice was growing dangerously close to another person and had only confronted the redhead when he could no longer deny what was happening.

Perhaps he could give the boy a choice. One last choice. It was the only thing he could give, at this point.

And Now, The Continuation

Chapter 37
All That Is Left

Lavi quietly opened the door to the room he shared with Bookman and slid inside.

A throat cleared from the vicinity of the desk and Lavi inwardly winced. He knew better than to hope that news of the altercation at lunch hadn't reached the old man's ears; it was now time for the dinner rush and news like that spread quickly. Lavi was certain that Bookman had known within two hours of the event. The redhead took a deep breath and turned to face his mentor.

"Bookman," he said politely, nodding his head in greeting. Bookman just watched him steadily, eyes slightly narrowed. Lavi swallowed heavily and shifted in place. After a moment, he moved to turn away and then Bookman spoke.

"Lavi, come here. I have something important to discuss with you."

It was as if ice had invaded his veins. Lavi nodded again and walked towards Bookman, stopping a foot or two from the old man's chair. There were no other chairs in the room, so the redhead remained standing. There was a faint tremor running through his arms, so he folded them neatly behind his back. Whatever the 'something important' was that Bookman wanted to discuss, it couldn't be good. Not given the events of today.

"What is it?" he asked, swallowing heavily again. His mouth felt really dry. Bookman considered him for a moment, allowing the silence to stretch, and then spoke.

"I have come to the conclusion that the Order is no place for a Bookman or for a Bookman's apprentice. I have decided to depart the morning after next," Bookman said firmly. For a moment, Lavi felt like he was in some sort of vacuum. His lungs deflated and held that position. The air seemed to be both gone from the room and pressing in on him from all sides.

"The morning after next?" Lavi replied faintly. His head felt like it was full of cotton candy in the process of being drawn, cobweb-like and spinning. "But... the war, we haven't recorded the end of the war yet-"

"Lavi," Bookman interrupted. "We cannot stay in this place as Bookman. You have been especially vulnerable here and have forgotten the Code."

"I haven't," the redhead protested feebly, knowing he was lying. He hadn't so much broken the Code as smashed it into millions of pieces and then ground the remaining bits into dust. Bookman didn't dignify his protestation with a response and continued as though Lavi hadn't spoken.

"It is not only a failing of yours. It is mine as well. I should have acted immediately to prevent the attachments you have formed here." Bookman's voice stayed even and calm, neither apologizing to Lavi nor blaming him. The word 'attachments' still stung like a slap in the face. 'Attachments' seemed too distant a word to use for the relationships he had formed here; his friendships, the camaraderie, the warmth he had felt when waking up in Tyki's arms-

Lavi jerked his thoughts away from the Noah. Bookman had fallen silent and had been studying Lavi's face. The redhead looked away, keeping his eyes averted from his mentor's face.

"I'll... I'll go pack," Lavi murmured. He turned, a lump forming in his throat when he remembered what little time he had left. Tomorrow would be his last day at the Black Order. He wouldn't be able to see Allen or Yuu or Lenalee after tomorrow. He wouldn't get to taste Jerry's cooking again, not after he left. He wouldn't be able to stop by the Science Division to talk with Johnny or Reever, he wouldn't be able to talk to the few still-living Finders he had gotten to know, he wouldn't be able to chat with Krory or Miranda or any of the other Exorcists. He wouldn't be able to see Tyki again, not even in passing.

Lavi drew in a sharp breath, trying to shove the thoughts aside. 'Lavi' wouldn't exist after tomorrow. Bookman Junior wasn't supposed to have any sort of connection to this place or to those people. Bookman Junior shouldn't be affected by the thought of leaving, but Lavi couldn't find it in himself to be that detached anymore. 'Lavi', his forty-ninth persona, had managed to do what none of the other forty-eight had; 'Lavi' had managed to fundamentally change Bookman Junior.

"I haven't dismissed you yet," Bookman called out sharply. Lavi stopped but didn't turn to face the old man. He concentrated on keeping his breathing deep and even, wishing he had the luxury of taking his frustration and grief out on something.

"Yes?" he asked. Bookman didn't respond for the space of several heartbeats, sufficient time for Lavi to calm himself enough to turn around. Bookman's expression was heavy, the lines on his face appearing more deeply etched than Lavi could remember seeing them. For a moment, Bookman looked ten years older than he actually was, ancient and frail. A bolt of worry dissipated the anger and Lavi took a step towards his mentor. "Bookman?"

"There is no place for Bookmen here, Lavi," Bookman said slowly. Each word seemed heavy, as though carefully considered but still painful. "However, there might still be a place for 'Lavi'."

For the second time that evening, Lavi felt as though all the air in the room had disappeared.

"Bookman?" he asked, voice shaking. "What- I don't understand."

Bookman's expression smoothed and he sat up perfectly straight.

"I am giving you one last choice, Lavi," Bookman said. His voice was authoritative and strong, no hint of the frailty Lavi had seen seconds earlier. "As you are now, you cannot be my apprentice any longer."

The redhead flinched despite the lack of accusation in the old man's voice.

"You may choose to remain my apprentice and come with me when I leave the morning after next or you may choose to stay here and remain 'Lavi'. I will be leaving no matter what your choice is. However, should you choose to come with me, I will remove all memory of your time as 'Lavi'. Those memories will only hinder you."

Lavi felt something inside him rebel at the idea and he clamped down on that feeling, shoving it to the dark recesses of his chest. His heart clenched at the thought of losing his memories and then it froze as he realized that, even with the memories gone, the feelings would remain. He would still feel like this but without the memories to explain why he felt so raw.

"If you choose to stay here, then I will remove your memories of being a Bookman, as is usual when an apprentice is released."

Lavi nodded his head with a quick, jerky motion. There were certain secrets only Bookmen were allowed to know, things that Lavi already knew.

But it didn't matter. There was only one choice that Lavi could make. Even if he didn't owe Bookman for everything the man had done for him, he had already irrevocably destroyed the one relationship that would have had the greatest chance of convincing him to stay. The thought of never seeing Tyki again was painful. The thought of having to watch as Tyki charmed one partner after another into his bed was even more so. Watching someone else take Lavi's place in Tyki's bed, by Tyki's side, perhaps even in Tyki's life, all the while knowing that he could have had that if he hadn't pushed the Noah away so harshly, was too painful to even bear thinking about.

'"-anything else would require you to have a heart."'

Maybe, if he lost his memories, the feelings would fade more quickly. Without the memories of Tyki holding him or kissing him or murmuring his name, maybe Lavi would finally be able to move on. Lavi clung to that hope. He couldn't stay here. He had burned that bridge and he couldn't stand the thought of having the charred remains thrown in his face time and time again.

"I'll go with you," Lavi said, forcing the words out around the lump in his throat. "I'll stay your apprentice."

"You do not need to answer yet," Bookman replied, tone bland. It was as if Lavi had not spoken. "I will need to know before that morning, but you have tomorrow to make your decision. Choose wisely."

"I already made my choice," Lavi insisted. Memories were swarming him, memories of meals shared with people he had come to call 'friends', battles fought beside trustworthy comrades, laughter and conversations and funerals and kisses and touches and so many more scenes he would give up along with the persona 'Lavi'. The redhead looked up. "I'm going with you. I'll stay your apprentice."

Bookman looked at him then, rather than through him.

"Do not consider yourself my apprentice," he said sharply. Lavi took half a step back, surprised by the sudden change in Bookman's tone. The old man's expression softened, weariness creeping in. "You are to make this decision without bias. Do not think of it as staying my apprentice or leaving your apprenticeship. Choose between leaving with me and becoming a Bookman or staying here and becoming an Exorcist. Right now, and for the next twenty-four hours, you are neither."

"But I've already chosen," Lavi said. "I'll leave with you. I'll become a Bookman. It's all I ever wanted."

"At one time, yes. It was," Bookman replied flatly. "This isn't a decision to make lightly. You are to think about it for at least half the day."

"But-"

"Now go." Bookman waved dismissively at the door. Lavi didn't move.

"I told you, I already chose!" he said, one of his hands clenching into a fist at his side. "I have honestly thought about it. You won't be able to find another apprentice very easily, will you? I have to go with y-"

"That is precisely why I told you to think about it, idiot," Bookman snapped back. Lavi shut his mouth. "It is precisely because you think you have to stay my apprentice that I told you to go and consider the matter elsewhere."

"I didn't mean it like that," Lavi muttered weakly, looking down at the floor. "I want to stay with you. I really do."

Then was a pause and then Bookman sighed.

"Tell me the same thing tomorrow after lunch and I will trust it." Lavi could hear the chair creak as Bookman turned away from him. "You owe me nothing. You should not have any sense of obligation towards me. Remember that when you make your decision. You do not owe me for caring for you when you were a child."

If the words had held even a hint of sarcasm or accusation, they would have been cutting. In Bookman's usual matter-of-fact tone, the words were instead just confusing. They seemed to have come from nowhere, since nothing in the conversation could have sparked them. Nothing in this conversation, at any rate.

Lavi drew in a sharp breath, eye widening.

"... Were you in the library earlier?" he asked quietly. Another thought occurred to him and his heart sank. "Allen didn't talk to you, did he? That's why you've decided that we need to leave."

"I overheard," Bookman said shortly. "And that conversation was hardly the only factor influencing my decision." The old man didn't look at him. "Now go."

Lavi nodded, unable to think of anything more to say. He slowly walked back towards the door, opened it, and left.

Bookman didn't look up.

LINE BREAK

Tyki sat on the couch in front of Komui's desk, glancing disinterestedly around the room and only half-listening as Komui apologized about the rather appalling mess that was his office. Tyki nodded once in acknowledgement. Komui cleared his throat and sat down in his chair, shuffling a few papers around on the top of his desk.

"Traditionally, you'd be given a room assignment and issued a uniform the same day you joined the Black Order, but as you can imagine, your case is a bit unusual," Komui said. Tyki nodded, moving his gaze to the Supervisor rather than the room. "Not only are you neither an Exorcist nor a Finder, but with the move... in any case, you'll receive a uniform and a room once we get to the new building. Until then, please make do with what you have."

Tyki inclined his head again.

"Thank you, Supervisor," he said. "Is that all you called me here for?"

Komui shook his head, smiling a little.

"No. Though you're not an Exorcist, we've decided to issue you a golem. We have that for you already." Komui half-turned and leaned over, temporarily disappearing behind the desk. Tyki could hear paper rustling and then Komui straightened back up, a box in his hands. "We've made a few adjustments to it." Komui set the box on his desk and removed the lid. The Tease nestled inside picked itself up, the tips of its wings lifting and then coming down rapidly to liftoff. Tyki smiled slightly and reached out his hand as the Tease flew towards him. The golem came to rest on Tyki's outstretched palm, opening and closing its wings once more before letting them rest.

"We've added the code that will allow you to call Headquarters from any phone and removed some of the old programming. The Tease is no longer a cannibal golem and will no longer reproduce itself. If it gets damaged or destroyed, we have enough information on it to rebuild it, so don't worry," Komui explained. "It has also been keyed to your voice and will work only for you. In times of emergency, the Tease will 'ring' - you'll need to find the nearest phone and hook it up. The hook-up should be fairly simple - do you need me to explain how?"

"No. I believe I see where the Tease hooks up to the phone lines," Tyki replied, running a finger over the body of the Tease. There were two small depressions between the wings that had never been there before. Komui nodded.

"Excellent. The Order is a bit... short staffed," Komui's voice trailed off and he stayed quiet for a moment before continuing. "We're a bit short staffed, so you might be sent out on missions to either look for or retrieve Innocence. I don't need to explain to you what kind of effects raw Innocence can have on normal humans."

"You would trust me on a mission dealing with Innocence?" Tyki asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "I hadn't expected that you would send me out from under your watchful eye."

"You'll definitely be accompanied by at least one Exorcist on your first few missions," Komui informed him unapologetically. "But we need to collect the rest of the Innocence before the Earl does. We need all the help we can get." Komui smiled thinly. "Though it does seem odd, sending a Noah out to retrieve Innocence."

Tyki's lips quirked at that.

"Retrieval missions tend to be the most dangerous because there tend to be a lot of Akuma in the area. Finders are always equipped with talismans and now, thanks to information we have gotten from you, guns that run off of the Innocences' surplus energy. Exorcists, of course, have their anti-Akuma weapons." Komui's smile faded. "Do you want to be assigned a talisman or would you be fine without? We could assign you one of the guns, but I'm not sure what kind of an effect using those would have on you."

Tyki considered it for a moment. His abilities as a Noah were powerful and he could certainly protect himself easily enough from mere Akuma. Unless he willed it, Akuma would be completely unable to touch him. He'd be able to strut through a battlefield and simply rip key components away from the Akuma and disable them, perhaps even cause them to explode. He had no need to carry a talisman or a gun for protection.

However...

The Tease flapped its wings. Tyki's gaze flicked to it, then back to Komui. Obeying his unspoken order, the Tease took flight once again. It flew back towards the Supervisor and landed gently on his shoulder. Komui looked at it questioningly and then raised his gaze to Tyki.

"I have no desire to carry around a talisman," Tyki told him. "This may be a difficult request, but is it within the abilities of your scientists to design a weapon similar to the Tease that would run off of the surplus energy of Innocence? The energy cells would have to be held separately from the weapons, of course, since I wouldn't be able to store it inside my body."

"We could try," Komui said immediately. "But may I ask why you'd want that? We'd have to run tests; if it's painful or dangerous for you, then I have to refuse."

Tyki shrugged carelessly.

"Obviously I wouldn't do it if it were painful or dangerous," he replied. "I'm willing to submit to the testing if you think your scientists can design such a weapon."

Komui nodded slowly and lifted his hand to the Tease resting on his shoulder. The black butterfly flapped once and propelled itself onto the offered perch. Komui tried to urge it to fly off, but it wasn't until Tyki called it quietly that it flew back to the Noah.

"You still haven't answered why you would want such a weapon," Komui said.

"A favor asked of me by a mutual acquaintance of ours," Tyki said by way of explanation.

Komui looked confused for a moment, but then he smiled softly.

"Allen, huh?" he said, moving the box that had held the Tease in it to the side. "I'll see what we can do, though I doubt we'll have a working prototype for some time."

"That's fine," Tyki said. "If that's all...?"

Komui nodded.

"Yes, you may go."

Tyki stood, the Tease flying quietly behind his head. The Noah had turned to go when Komui spoke again.

"Actually, wait a moment, Tyki."

Tyki stopped and turned back to face the Supervisor expectantly. Komui's head was bowed, the shape of his beret and the glare on the lenses of his glasses blocking his eyes from sight.

"Be careful not to break any of the rules. Any of them, no matter how small. Please," Komui said. His voice sounded oddly strained, tone strangely desperate for such a simple request. "Be especially careful around anyone from Central. Don't do anything at all that would give anyone any reason to question your loyalty to the Order."

"Of course, Supervisor," Tyki said, nodding slowly with a puzzled look on his face. That was simply common sense. Tyki had no wish to be shackled and placed under guard again.

"Just... be careful," Komui warned him, still not looking up. Tyki nodded again and left, the Tease flying behind him.

LINE BREAK

Lavi walked along the hallway, headed for the dining hall. Hopefully by now the dinner rush would be over and he'd be allowed to think in peace.

No matter what Bookman said, Lavi did owe the man. 'Lavi' would never have existed without Bookman and he would have probably died as a nameless kid on the side of a road. The only thing Lavi could possibly do to repay him was to stay his apprentice and carry on the tasks of a Bookman after the old man died.

That rationalization might have been harder to make if Lavi had thought that he had even the smallest chance of convincing Tyki to take him back. Even if Lavi didn't owe Bookman anything, it would be too painful to stay here as 'Lavi' without being able to be with Tyki and having to watch from the sidelines as the Pleasure moved on. Knowing that he had no chance was a cold comfort, since it simplified the decision he had to make.

It was a pity Bookman hadn't just taken his answer.

Lavi sighed as he walked into the dining hall, wondering how many more times he'd get to enter. Would they eat breakfast here, the morning they left? Would Lenalee want to organize a going-away party like she organized the welcome parties? It was short notice and things were a bit busy, but surely she'd be able to spare some time.

The redhead went to the counter to order a simple yet large sandwich. Jerry handed it to him a few minutes later with a quiet 'you all right, hon?'. Lavi replied with a quick, fake smile and an empty reassurance that hadn't convinced Jerry, but before the cook had managed to say anything, Lavi had turned and walked off.

"Lavi!"

Lavi looked towards the source of the call, feeling his mood perk up slightly when he caught sight of Allen, Lenalee, and Kanda sitting together at a table. Allen was the one who had called and was waving Lavi over. The redhead's mood deflated just as quickly when he remembered that he would have to say goodbye to those three sooner rather than later. Even so, he walked over and slid onto the bench next to Lenalee, across the table from Allen. He might as well get this over with and just tell them. Leaving without saying anything seemed wrong, somehow.

"Hello," he said to them, voice dull as he set his sandwich down. Allen frowned, concerned.

"Are you all right, Lavi?" Lenalee asked him. Lavi tried to smile at her, but he knew it had come out strained just like every other smile he had tried to give anyone lately.

"Been better," he replied, for once deciding to be honest. His strained smile widened, more cracks appearing in the expression. "Want to organize my going-away party?"

"What?" Lenalee's eyes widened.

"'Going-away'?" Allen echoed. Kanda looked up from his soba, narrowing his eyes and scowling darkly. Lavi nodded and looked away from the three other Exorcists, picking up his sandwich and studying it intently. He hadn't meant to ask that, though he supposed that it was better that he got it out of the way now.

"Bookman says it's time for us to move on," he said. He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed. The stunned silence continued. He swallowed. "Thought you three should know."

"But... why?" Lenalee asked, turning to fully face Lavi and ignoring her dinner entirely. Her eyes were glistening, though there wasn't enough moisture to collect into tears. "When are you leaving?"

"Morning after next," Lavi replied quietly. He looked up when no one said anything for several seconds. Lenalee's eyes were wide and so were Allen's. Even Kanda seemed stunned, his scowl gone without a trace. Lavi lopsidedly grinned at them. Even if he doubted that they'd be any less upset if he pretended to not be bothered by it, it was worth a try. "I just found out myself."

"But why?" Allen asked, stunned. "Why can't you stay?"

"Guess Bookman decided that it was too dangerous, what with the recent attack and all," Lavi lied. Danger had been the reason Bookman had wanted to leave, but it had nothing to do with physical endangerment. His mind flashed to Tyki and his heart ached at the thought, but he shoved the memories aside. Once 'Lavi' was gone, he wouldn't have those recollections to torture himself with.

"We're moving to a new building soon, though," Lenalee said instantly. "It'll be safe! I'll talk to my brother; he'll convince Bookman to stay-"

Lavi shook his head and put down his sandwich. He turned to Lenalee with a small, false smile and put a hand on her shoulder. The water in her eyes swelled.

"Thanks, but I don't think Bookman's going to change his mind. I guess he's been thinking about this for a while," Lavi told her.

"Che. So you're just going to give up?" Kanda said, voice heated. "We don't need your kind of half-assed trash around here."

"Kanda!" Lenalee and Allen scolded the Japanese Exorcist simultaneously. Kanda ignored them, keeping his glare trained on Lavi. Lavi's smile wobbled but then steadied.

"I'll miss you too, Yuu." Or rather, he wouldn't since he wouldn't even remember that the other existed, but they didn't need to know that. Kanda scowled and turned back to his soba.

"Don't call me by my first name, stupid rabbit," he said, picking up his chopsticks again.

"Will we get to see you again?" Lenalee asked. "Bookman might let you visit us, right? Or if we run into you on an assignment..."

Lavi tried to make sure that his smile didn't falter, but it faded despite his best efforts. He turned back to his sandwich and began eating it again. It was like eating cardboard.

"... Right, Lavi? This isn't the end, right?" Lenalee asked him, reaching out and touching his shoulder to try and get his attention. Lavi couldn't look at her.

"Lavi?" Allen asked, voice tight with worry. Lavi silently shook his head, unable to speak.

"What?" Lenalee asked, disbelieving. "That... that's not fair. You're leaving and we won't be able to see you again?"

"I'm going to be a Bookman, Lenalee," Lavi said quietly. "I'm not supposed to get attached."

"But we're your friends!" Allen protested. "Why can't-"

Kanda slammed his chopsticks down and stood up.

"Your whining is making the food taste bad, beansprout," he snarled at Allen, picking up his tray. "If he wants to leave so badly, then let him." With that, he spun on his heel and stalked away. He deposited his tray before leaving the dining hall. Anyone in his path quickly moved aside, allowing him a wide berth to pass through.

"It's not fair," Lenalee whispered again, her hand sliding from Lavi's shoulder. She turned back to her dinner and began picking at it, though it was clear from her listless movements that she had lost her appetite.

"I'll miss you two as well," Lavi told them softly. "But I can't stay."

"Maybe you could ask Bookman if you could? Even just if you could come back to visit. Maybe you could write to us?" Lenalee said, though she didn't seem very hopeful.

"I'm sorry," Lavi said. The table lapsed into silence. Lavi was just about to open his mouth an excuse himself, less than half of his sandwich consumed, but then Allen spoke.

"What about Tyki?"

Lavi jerked his gaze towards Allen, eye wide. His gaze darted to Lenalee, who seemed puzzled, and then back to Allen. The white-haired boy seemed apologetic but determined.

"Tyki...?" Lenalee asked. She swallowed heavily. "Why would Tyki have anything to do with this?"

"Allen, I can't stay," Lavi said, voice nearly breaking. "I can't."

"Did you even try talking to Bookman?" Allen pressed. "If you talked to him about-"

"He knows," Lavi snapped, closing his eye when he saw Allen flinch from the sudden harsh tone. He continued, sounding defeated. "He overheard us talking earlier."

Lavi opened his eye again. Allen was biting his lip and not looking at Lavi. The redhead stared, stunned.

"You knew," he said incredulously. Allen looked back at him, a guilty expression on his face. "You knew that he had overheard us."

"Lavi-"

Lavi shook his head and covered his face with one of his hands. Allen immediately quieted down.

"It doesn't matter. This would have happened anyway," Lavi said. He pulled his hand down his face and drew in a long, harsh breath. "I have to go."

"Wait, Lavi," Allen said quickly, desperate. "At least talk to Tyki before you leave. If you won't stay for us, then maybe he'll convince you to stay here!"

"Why would he listen to me?" Lavi asked rhetorically, laughing humorlessly. "I wouldn't listen to me, not after what I said to him. Just leave it alone, Allen. It's none of your business." Lavi moved to stand, ignoring the shocked look Lenalee was giving both him and Allen.

"Tyki said he'd listen!" Allen insisted. Lavi paused as the meaning of the words hit him, eye widening and a roar sounding in his ears as the breath left his lungs. "And you're miserable. I just-"

"He 'said' he'd listen?" Lavi asked lowly. Allen's mouth snapped shut, expression turning guiltier. "You talked to him?"

"I just wanted to help-"

"I didn't ask you to interfere, Allen!" Lavi snapped, not even caring that his voice was probably carrying to the next several tables. "Everything was fine-"

"No, it wasn't," Lenalee interjected quietly. Lavi and Allen both turned to look at her. "Allen's right, Lavi. You were miserable. I think..." She took a deep breath. "I think I might have done the same thing, if I thought that it would make you happy again."

"Lenalee..." Allen said wonderingly, shocked. Lenalee smiled shakily at him.

"It doesn't change anything," Lavi said roughly, shaking his head. The other two Exorcists looked back at him. "I can't stay."

"Lavi, you can be mad at me all you like, but please talk to Tyki and to Bookman!" Allen urged quickly. Lavi stood and picked up his tray, not looking at either of his friends. "Please, Lavi! Tyki will listen, I know he will."

Lavi walked away, head slightly bowed and shoulders hunched, knuckles white from gripping his tray. Neither Lenalee nor Allen spoke as they watched Lavi walk away and both Exorcists watched the door for several seconds after the redhead slipped through it and disappeared.

Allen looked away first, turning his gaze back to his food. Unhappily, he began to eat again. The food was still delicious and he was still hungry, but both sensations seemed somewhat muted.

"So the person Lavi was seeing... it was Tyki Mikk?" Lenalee asked quietly. Allen didn't look up, almost afraid of what her expression would be.

"Yes," he said. "For months, apparently. Tyki told me that they were together before Tyki came to the Order."

"That long?" Lenalee asked, surprised. Allen nodded. Lenalee's voice was quiet when she continued. "I didn't know."

"I didn't either until today," Allen told her, looking up. Lenalee was watching him, a hint of fear in her eyes. Allen tried to smile at her and she shakily returned the expression.

"Lavi cares a lot about him," Allen told her gently. "And I think Tyki cares a lot about Lavi. I know you find him frightening, but-"

"I really do think," Lenalee interrupted him quietly. Allen quieted. "I do think that I would have done the same thing. Tyki Mikk is scary, but I like to think that I would have talked to him if I had thought that it would make Lavi happy. I'll... try. He is part of the Order now, so he should be one of our comrades too, shouldn't he?"

Allen smiled reassuringly at her, hearing the note of uncertainty in her voice.

"I hope everything works out. Maybe Tyki can convince Lavi that it's worth asking Bookman if he can stay," Allen mused out loud. Lenalee nodded, turning back to her dinner.

"I hope Lavi stays, too."

LINE BREAK

Lavi stalked down the hallway, his breathing harsh and his hands clenched into fists. Allen hadn't had any right to interfere or to tell Tyki about anything Lavi had said.

But if what Allen had said was true and if Tyki really was willing to listen- but no, he couldn't, he owed Bookman too much-

'"You owe me nothing."'

Lavi gritted his teeth and started walking faster, letting his feet carry him wherever they cared to. He needed space to think. Everything had been clear before dinnertime; stay Bookman's apprentice, have 'Lavi' erased from his memories, leave the Order, eventually heal from the emotions caused by things he wouldn't remember. It would be painful for a while, but without the constant reinforcement from his memories the feelings would fade. He'd be able to go back to being just Bookman Junior.

It had been so easy to decide to leave when he had thought that Tyki would never listen to him, but now...

He had thought that he owed Bookman, but he didn't.

He had thought that Tyki wouldn't listen, but apparently he would.

What were his excuses for leaving now? He didn't really want to be a Bookman anymore. He hadn't wanted to for months, but a different way of life had seemed too far out of reach. Now, all he had to do was decide it and he could simply be Lavi; an Exorcist, a friend, perhaps even someone who could convince Tyki to take him back.

But then he would never get to see Bookman again. Bookman would probably die alone and the secrets of the Bookmen would die with him, just because Lavi wanted to be selfish. Bookman had taken him in and raised him, treated him more like a son than an apprentice, no matter how the old man had denied it. The almost-affectionate way Bookman called him an 'idiot' and the tolerance the older man had for being called 'gramps' were proof enough of that. Even the fact that Bookman was letting him decide this for himself, rather than simply removing him from his apprenticeship or forcing him to leave immediately were proof of some kind of emotion. He couldn't abandon Bookman.

But if Tyki would listen, if there was even a chance that the Noah would take him back-

Lavi gave a strangled growl of frustration, shaking his head violently and stopping. This wasn't helping at all. Instead of making his decision clearer, all this was managing was making everything more muddled.

He abruptly spun on his heel and began navigating the hallways, heading for the library. Getting frustrated wouldn't help him decide. He still had all day tomorrow to come to a decision and leaving the problem alone for a few hours might make the solution that much clearer when he came back to it. Perhaps he'd think more clearly after sorting books for a few hours. Things would look clearer in the morning.

LINE BREAK

Bookman placed a few old documents carefully into one of the cardboard boxes Komui had given him. The Supervisor had been understandably upset to see him leave, but as per their original agreement, could not force him to remain.

FLASHBACK

"You're certain you won't stay?" Komui asked, looking weary. Bookman nodded, his Innocence already resting on the desk between them. The scroll glowed faintly.

"There are risks here that I had not foreseen," he replied. Komui seemed puzzled by the cryptic statement, but didn't ask. He instead cleared his throat and made himself busy with some of the paperwork on his desk.

"You'll need to turn in your rose cross as well," Komui said. "The higher-ups won't like it, but that was the agreement."

Bookman nodded and removed the pin from his jacket, laying it on the table beside his Innocence. His coat felt heavier, somehow, even though the heaviest object on the garment was now gone.

"When shall I expect to see Lavi? He'll need to return his things too," Komui asked. "I'd rather they be returned directly to me instead of left in your room for the cleaners to pick up later."

"I am uncertain as to when you should expect him," Bookman replied. He glanced towards where his golem hovered by his shoulder. "I suppose I am to return this to you as well?"

"No, keep it," Komui said, shaking his head and smiling thinly. "It has been keyed to you, so we'd just end up having to destroy it once you left. If you ever decide to return, then it will guide you back here."

Bookman nodded and turned to go.

"Thank you for all of your hard work," Komui called after him. Bookman nodded once in acknowledgement and exited out the door.

END FLASHBACK

The golem had been turned off and placed inside one of the other boxes. Bookman doubted that he'd ever use it.

He heard the door open and turned. Lavi slunk in, head down and shoulders slumped. The redhead glanced over at Bookman and their eyes met for a moment before Lavi looked away again. Without saying a word, Lavi kicked off his boots and climbed into the top bunk. He laid down on top of the covers, his back to the rest of the room.

Bookman honored the silent request for silence and turned away, making an effort to move more quietly around the room as he packed his things. Even so, it was a long time before he heard Lavi's breathing even out into the steady patterns of sleep.

LINE BREAK

Lavi blinked slowly, groggily becoming aware of both himself and how bright the room seemed to be. It wasn't usually so bright when he first woke up in the mornings.

He rolled over and sat up, crawling over to the ladder and climbing down as quickly as his sleepy limbs would allow. He looked around the room, eye going wide with surprise.

The room was almost completely bare, only a large stack of boxes piled neatly in one corner. Bookman's bed was already neatly made and there was no sign of the man. Just how long had Lavi been asleep?

The redhead quickly turned and half-stumbled towards the window, looking out to see that the sun had almost reached its full height. He cursed quietly, barely resisting the urge to slam the side of his fist against the glass. Today could very well be his last day here and he had just spent almost half of it asleep. Even worse, he still didn't have the faintest idea of what to do.

He spun away from the window and took a deep breath. One thing at a time. It was almost lunchtime, judging by the position of the sun, and his stomach was complaining. He'd get changed and get food first, and hopefully an epiphany would come to him at some point during the day. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm himself. He could figure this out.

If only there was someone he could ask, someone who didn't already know the situation... Bookman was no good, since the man would only tell him to choose without bias. Neither Allen nor Lenalee would be any help either, since they had made their wishes perfectly clear.

Lavi scowled slightly and walked over to the wardrobe, tugging his shirt over his head.

Maybe he could talk to Tyki. The thought gave him pause. If Allen was right and the Noah would listen, then Lavi could go talk to him, explain everything, and hope that Tyki accepted him back. If Tyki did, then Lavi would go to Bookman and apologize, but tell the old man that he wanted to stay with the Order. If Tyki refused him, even after hearing his explanation, then Lavi would go with Bookman.

But that would be the coward's way to do it. Bookman was the one who had given him the choice. If Lavi went to Tyki and begged to be taken back, then he was effectively forcing Tyki to make the decision for him. Lavi had to make this choice for himself, whatever the eventual consequences. He couldn't ask for forgiveness from Tyki beforehand and raise the Noah's hopes, if there were indeed any, for a reconciliation. If Lavi decided afterwards that he simply could not abandon Bookman, then giving the Noah hope for a renewal of whatever it is that they had had would be even worse than the initial dissolution. He would talk to Tyki only after he told Bookman his choice, assuming he talked to the Noah at all.

He needed to decide this on his own, but it was too difficult. He needed advice from someone who would understand the situation without him needing to explain, someone who didn't have any kind of personal stake in the choice...

Lavi felt the epiphany he had asked for earlier suddenly hit him, along with the memory of a spooky old castle, buried Akuma skeletons, and a blonde woman in a purple dress. If there was anyone who might be able to understand without knowing the particulars, it would be a man who had also fallen in love with an enemy.

Lavi quickly shucked the rest of his clothing and grabbed a fresh outfit from the wardrobe. He'd seek the Count out after lunch.

LINE BREAK

Krory sat in a chair next to the small table in his room. On the table was a small, simple vase with a single red rose inside. Krory lifted his un-bandaged arm and stroked the petals softly, expression wistful. Despite the fact that the flower had been outside for several days without the benefit of being on a rosebush, it was still perfect. As soon as the Head Nurse had released him from the infirmary, Krory had gone to the spot the Finders had found him in hopes that the rose would still be there.

He had no idea how it had gotten there, but he had a vague memory of a beloved voice calling his name and familiar lips pressing against his own. It was painfully similar to the time he had seen Eliade's spirit in the Ark. Perhaps she was still protecting him.

"You always were too good for me, Eliade," he murmured. He drew his fingers away from the rose and wiped at his eyes, sniffling slightly. Memories of Eliade's warmth were still painful, even though it had been so long since she had died. He composed himself, pressing his hand to his chest where the rose cross that marked him as an Exorcist of the Black Order rested when he wore his cloak.

There came a knock at his door. He pushed himself up out of his chair, wincing as the motion pulled on the stitches in his legs.

"I'll be there in a moment," he called towards the door, walking slowly across the stone floor. He turned the handle and pulled, eyes widening in surprise when he saw who his guest was. "Lavi? What are you doing here?"

"Not pleased to see me, Krorykins?" Lavi asked, flashing a quick smile at the older man. His expression turned serious, if a bit hesitant. "A few months ago, you said that I could talk to you if I thought I couldn't talk to Bookman. Is that still... is it still ok?"

Krory nodded, bewildered, and moved aside to let the redhead in. Lavi flashed a grateful, strained smile at him and stepped through the doorway. Krory shut the door and turned, gesturing awkwardly to his room.

"My apologies, but there are not many places to sit..." he said. Lavi shrugged his shoulders and moved over to the bed. He sat down on the mattress, feet on the floor and his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together.

"Is this all right?" he asked. Krory nodded and walked back to his chair, easing himself down carefully. Lavi watched him, fidgeting slightly.

"What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Krory asked, curious. Krory wasn't sure how he could help, but he could try. One of the perks of being an adult, he supposed, you had more life experience and could advise the young ones against making the same mistakes you had made.

"You... you loved Eliade, right?" Lavi asked hesitantly. Krory stared at him for a moment, stunned.

"Y-yes. I did. I still do, very much," he managed to reply, glancing at the rose in the vase. His expression turned wistful again. "I still miss her, even though it was I who killed her."

"What if you had met her after you became an Exorcist?" Lavi asked, looking at Krory. "Say that you had met her after you had become an Exorcist and you knew that she was an Akuma when you met. Would you still love her?"

Krory wanted to bristle at the question, but Lavi's tone was so desperate Krory couldn't find it in himself to be angry.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Eliade was the first person who had accepted me as I am. If I had found that acceptance earlier... but that wasn't just it." Krory shook his head. "It's impossible to know what my feelings would have been if things had been different, but I do love her."

Lavi nodded and looked down.

"Even though she's the enemy?" Lavi asked. Krory frowned, but Lavi's mind seemed to be hundreds of miles away.

"Eliade is just Eliade," Krory replied. "Even though I know she was an Akuma, I could never hate her for that. Even now, with how many Akuma I've killed and what I know they can do, I cannot see Eliade as my enemy."

Lavi nodded again, apparently thinking. He swallowed heavily and then spoke, voice tentative.

"Say Eliade came back..." the redhead said slowly.”And you had a choice between going with her or staying with the Order. What would you choose?"

"I'd go with her," Krory replied promptly. Lavi looked at him, surprised by how quickly and with how much conviction his question had been answered. Krory smiled sadly. "It's not possible for her to return, but if by some miracle she did come back to me, I would go with her. I would regret leaving you all behind and I would miss the comrades I have found here, but I would go if she asked me."

Lavi lifted his hands and propped his forehead on them, elbows now digging into his knees. Krory watched him for a moment, waiting for another question. When none came, he spoke.

"What is this about, Lavi?" A thought occurred to him and his expression tightened slightly in remembered pain. "Did you love Chomesuke?"

"Chomesuke?" Lavi lifted his head, expression confused and slightly pained at the memory of their lost friend, but then he shook his head. "No. I did care about her, but... this is different." His voice sounded almost choked at the end and Krory's brow furrowed in confusion.

"If not Chomesuke, then who..." he began, but dropped the question when he saw Lavi's nearly imperceptible flinch. “Never mind, you don't need to answer that. What else do you want to know?"

"How did you know that you loved Eliade?" Lavi asked, voice hesitant as though he had realized that it might be a painful subject for Krory. The older man smiled thinly, but with warmth.

"It's not something I can describe, Lavi," he said. "It's something that's different for everyone. My feelings were not the same as Eliade's, even though we were both in love."

Lavi nodded, shoulders slumping just a bit. Krory hesitated, then spoke again.

"I always wanted to be around her. I wanted to protect her and keep her safe, even though she was usually the one who made me feel safe. She would comfort me after I'd kill one of the villagers, even though they were all Akuma like her." Krory put his hand to his chest again, but this time over his heart. "It hurts to think of her, but it also makes me remember her warmth. Does this help?"

Lavi nodded again. He seemed to hesitate, but when he spoke his voice was steady.

"Say you had done something bad, something you don't think Eliade would forgive you for, and I told you that she'd be willing to listen to you explain. If you had a choice between leaving the Order to try and convince her to take you back or staying here, what would you do?"

Krory smiled.

"I already answered that question."

"Even if you could never come back here, whether or not she took you back?" Lavi asked, looking up. Krory nodded.

"I would have faith that she would take me back," he said. "And if she wouldn't, then I would convince her."

"How?"

"I would explain why I had done whatever it was that I had done to make her angry with me," Krory said. "And I would make up for it."

Lavi nodded again. Krory watched him, concerned. He bit his lip, debating whether or not to ask. Lavi didn't move, nor did he open his mouth to ask another question. Taking a deep breath, Krory plunged ahead.

"It might help if I know exactly what you're talking about, Lavi," he offered hesitantly. "No matter how many questions you ask, everyone is different. Whatever was true of my relationship with Eliade might not be true of yours."

Lavi nodded again and shot a quick, false smile at Krory. The older man could see hurt in the redhead's eye.

"I know. Just thought I'd get some advice from someone who might know." Lavi unclasped his hands and stood. "Thanks, Krorykins."

Krory nodded, bemused. He moved to stand, but Lavi put a hand out to stop him.

"I can see myself out. Your injuries still hurt, right?"

Krory nodded slowly, relaxing back into his chair.

"If you're sure..." he said. "I hope that some of what I said will help you."

"Me, too," Lavi replied, turning towards the door. "Take care!"

"You as well..." Krory said, the sound of the door closing cutting off his words.

TBC…

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I wasn’t sure if it was rushed or not… hopefully it wasn’t entirely predictable. (Sorry if it was a bit boring.)

Thank you to everyone that has voted in the poll so far! (Almost 100 people!) At the moment, it looks like yes, there WILL BE a sequel!

The next chapter will be the last chapter of AGoP. I will have information on posting dates for the first chapter of the sequel by then. Thank you, everyone!