Tough Week
It's been a tough week. I have this really simple assignment I have to do for my course on Tolkien and Fantasy, which involves coming up with a thesis and sample argumentative paragraph for my essay, and writing a one page summary of an article. As I said, it's a simple assignment, but I just haven't been able to do it. Last Wednesday I spent all night working on it, and just couldn't concentrate hard enough to turn my ideas into a thesis. Of course, the next day I was exhausted and panicky. I could hardly stop crying all day, because I was panicking about how I'm going to write the essays I still have to write and the 20-minute presentation I still have to do, when I can't even do this simple assignment. I've been feeling really frustrated with myself, because lately I've been having this scary out-of-control feeling a lot, like my mind won't ever do what I tell it to. My mind just won't stay on my courses. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know they're there, but I just can't seem to focus on them. My grades in my courses last term were very good, but it's becoming steadily harder for me to keep my marks up, and it's making me panic. I'm so afraid of failing at whatever I try to do that whenever I even think about starting my essays my heart starts to race, and I start hyper-ventilating and feel sick to my stomach. I think my anxiety comes from being close to finishing my program, and being afraid of failure, and at the same time afraid of success, and the pressure that comes with it.
Talking to my Dad about all this helped a lot, and I'm feeling much calmer now, especially now that I know I'll still be able to hand in my assignment. I've also dropped a course, reducing my load to a more manageable three courses. Thanks to Darthmoyle for giving me a hug when I needed it. And thanks to Neko for being so thoughtful and doing extra chores this week, especially vacuuming my room. It's not always easy for me to let people do things for me, but it's very much appreciated. I go forth now to write my assignment (*cue battle music*).
Talking to my Dad about all this helped a lot, and I'm feeling much calmer now, especially now that I know I'll still be able to hand in my assignment. I've also dropped a course, reducing my load to a more manageable three courses. Thanks to Darthmoyle for giving me a hug when I needed it. And thanks to Neko for being so thoughtful and doing extra chores this week, especially vacuuming my room. It's not always easy for me to let people do things for me, but it's very much appreciated. I go forth now to write my assignment (*cue battle music*).