ghosts & immortals & mary sues, oh my~
/shudder
I actually wrote a fairly scathing review of this book for my school paper, which can be found under the cut. I warn you, the review is pretty long. But it's nothing more than this grand piece of literature deserves.
It's rare to find a book so horrendously bad that you have to put it down and walk away, shaking your head in disgust.
Evermore by Alyson Noel is one such book. Suffering from a severe case of unlikable characters, ripped-off ideas, and forced trendiness, this is definitely one for the ‘miss’ list.
The plot of Evermore is at least vaguely interesting. Ever Bloom (yes that is her name) was a normal-though-slightly-vapid teenager, with a cute boyfriend, tons of friends, and a spot on her school’s cheerleading squad. She was the type of girl everyone wishes they could be. The key word, however, is ‘was.’ In a horrid, fatal instant, everything Ever took for granted was torn violently from her grasp. Her entire immediate family (yes, even the dog) was killed in a terrible car accident, from which she was the sole survivor.
But though she did not die, Ever did have a Near Death Experience, which resulted in her gaining many interesting powers. Not only can she now see the colorful auras of those around her, but she is also a mind-reading psychic with the ability to see ghosts (namely, her younger sister Riley). Besides her mystical, magical powers, the only proof of her brush with death is a jagged scar on her forehead that in no way detracts from her overall loveliness.
Now a sad, troubled little orphan, Ever is sent to live with her ridiculously rich (and constantly busy) lawyer aunt in Laguna Beach, California. At her new school, Ever is labeled a “freak” because she wears nothing but baggy sweatshirts and has her iPod constantly blasting at full volume. (If such behavior is widely considered to be freakish, then I worry for the mental health of today’s teens.) But really, Ever is just misunderstood. She only has her music turned up so loud to drown out the thoughts of those around her! Why oh why does no one understand?
All Ever wants to do is go back to the good old days in Oregon, when her family was still among the living. She misses the shallow, preppy, self-absorbed existence she once enjoyed… But instead she’s stuck in Laguna Beach, trying to deal with snobbish classmates, the ghost of her dead sister, and the overwhelming flood of thoughts she has to try and block out each and every day. Ever is miserable…
And then he waltzes into her life. His name is Damen, and he is plainly the hottest thing since hot. The author spends many a page describing his stunning good looks in picturesque detail, often employing such words as “mysterious” and “smoldering.” Whenever he “accidentally” touches Ever, she experiences a moment of intense silence, in which the thoughts of those around her are blocked out. Not to mention that he appears to have no aura. This intrigues Ever, as the only people without auras are those who are already dead...
All of Ever’s classmates begin tripping over themselves, trying to win Damen’s affections. But for some inexplicable reason he seems attracted to Ever, the antisocial chick who hides beneath the hood of her sweatshirt.
It’s obvious from the beginning that these two will end up together, despite the fact that they have no chemistry whatsoever. After all, they’re both incredibly beautiful, which is grounds enough for a heartwarming romance, right?
... Yeah. No.
You see, both Ever and Damen are completely insufferable.
Ever is a whiny, petty, obnoxious idiot, who over the course of the book is constantly angry at something or other. You would think a traumatic event like the one she went through would change her and make her think more about the meaning of life, but instead it simply made her into a “tragic heroine.” This is not a good thing. She spends most of her time wallowing in self-pity and guilt, as well as pining away pathetically over her gorgeous love interest. At one point, her friend Haven describes her as a “blonde goddess,” (a.k.a. the stereotypical teen beauty queen) but Ever shies away from this praise as if it were the plague. “Sorry,” I half-expected her to say, “too busy angsting.”
Damen is the “tall, dark, and handsome” guy that any gal would fall for. He’s suave, he’s charming, he’s immortal… What more could you ask for? A lot, actually. Despite his alluring good looks, Damen’s a jerk. He leads Ever on, he toys with her emotions, he goes on dates with the people she hates most… At one point, she even thinks to herself that he’s a player, and yet still swoons over him like a lovestruck dolt. Their relationship is confusing and (in my mind) not at all cute. The disgustingly unrealistic physical perfection of Damen and Ever is reminiscent of a cheap romance novel.
The supporting cast isn’t much better. Ever’s friends (or are they really? it’s difficult to tell), Miles and Haven, both fit snugly into a certain stereotype. Miles is the token gay best friend, and though he offers a bit of humor to the story he adds little else. Haven is the token goth character, though she only dresses that way to attract the attention of her uncaring parents. Haven’s tough exterior hides a deep, heartwrenching sadness - a desperate cry for the affection and love her mother and father never gave her.
Oh, life. Thou art so cruel.
The only vaguely interesting character is Ever’s ghost of a younger sister, Riley, who actually seems to have a dash of personality and wit. Why she even bothers to come back from the dead to visit Ever, I’ll never know. Riley’s struggle with accepting death and moving on to the afterlife is actually quite poignant. Besides that, however, there is little for me to say in the way of praise.
After Damen and Ever’s first meeting, Evermore becomes an emotional, touching love story that shall always be remembered as one of the greatest literary works of our time… Just kidding. I haven’t the faintest idea what happens in the second half of the book, as I honestly could not bring myself to read past a certain point. It was just that painful.
Evermore reads like a cheap, badly edited version of Twilight (which is saying a lot, as I am not a Twilight fan). In fact, the similarities between the two books are striking - almost suspiciously so. In both books, an annoyingly perfect main character moves to a new town, where they meet and fall in love with an immortal of some sort. They traverse the trials and pitfalls of TWU WUV, dealing with misunderstandings, misplaced affections, and other villainous immortals. Just as Edward cannot hear Bella’s thoughts, Ever cannot hear Damen’s. Just as Bella is so creepishly captivated by a guy who hungers for her blood, Ever is entranced by an aggravating guy who pitilessly messes with her mind. Still not convinced that Evermore is a poorly executed Twilight clone? Just read it.
But then again, you might not want to.
Evermore is just the type of commonplace, over-the-top drivel that one would expect to find in the YA section of the bookstore. The plot has already been done multiple times before, the romance is sickening, and the characters are positively horrendous. This is the only book I've ever read that has made me feel real anger towards an author. I honestly wanted to go back in time and slap some sense into the woman before she could make the conscious decision to write it. Seriously, it's like she read S.Meyer's books and thought to herself, "Hey, I could do this too despite my obvious lack of writing skill!" =_=
tl;dr - This book pisses me off like no other with its flat, uninteresting Mary Sue characters and whiny teen angst plot [with a dash of fantasy, hooray!] . For sanity's sake, just don't read it. D|