Dear Naomi Novik,
I picked up His Majesty's Dragon whilst in the ruthless grip of an insatiable need for dragon-themed books. And while I'm not particularly a history fanatic, the concept of dragons during the Napoleonic Wars was intriguing enough that I signed it out from the library with a little more than the standard level of excitement. It sounded fresh. It sounded interesting. How was I to know that I'd soon be snoring by the third chapter?
To be honest, I'm torn between whether I should be applauding you for managing to write such a dull book from such an original concept. Sure, the whole dragon-rider trope has been done to death but you approached it from an angle that was far enough off the beaten track to have some creative merit. I can give you that. But why, why, why are your dragons so... so... wimpy?
I mean, honestly. Aren't large, fire-breathing reptiles supposed to inspire fear? No? You mean they have feelings? Alright I can accept that, I'm all for the sapient races, but where's my ferocity? Your dragons remind me more of kittens than the vicious flying lizards they should be. I wanted to see these dragons doing what dragons do best -- causing mass damage and maybe chomping a few people in the process. But no, instead I get the literary ones, who'd rather curl up with a book than burn down a few villages.
But alright. Your world, your rules. And considering this is more of an alternate reality than a completely separate world, I can understand the need for dragons more on the...docile... side. We can't have dragons causing massacres in London every day, it would mess with the history books just a tad. But here is my second qualm: your main character. Captain Laurence.
As far as your standard English gentleman goes, Laurence was a success in that he had absolutely no personality beyond his priggishness and an unrealistic adherence to some twisted sense of obligation that only made me want to give him a good swat on the head or two. He accepts with little qualm the life-altering bond he forms with Temeraire and that it has effectively undone all the years of hard work he put into the Navy, ruined his chance of living a normal life, and condemned him to the undesirable job of an aviator. Sure, as a reader we want him to do all these things so as to further the story, but shouldn't one also thing about how a real person would react when faced with these circumstances? Maybe giving him some motivation would be helpful.
Especially considering all the other attempts to give Laurence "character" that suggests to me that he is an individual with an excessive need for control over his life and surroundings. All right, so he can't deal with his clothes not being perfectly folded at all times. And don't even get me started on what disaster it would be if he found even one speck of dirt on his person. But up-root his entire existence and force him into a brand new situation? Oh sure, why not. It's not that big of a deal, after all. And if you make him address Temeraire as "my dear" one more time I might actually blow a blood-vessel. Show some respect to the gargantuan reptilian beast, would ya?
One more thing. Semi-colons do not equal commas, nor do they enjoy being abused in such a manner. Stop using them in every single paragraph. They are not needed, in fact, every time I see one I have to resist the urge to strangle someone.
Your homicidal friend,
Urban