The Best Little Girl In The World by Steven Levenkron
I know what some of you may be thinking, "How can you snark the anorexia book? You heartless fiend!" Well, just like it being about Jesus doesn't make The DaVinci Code any good, the serious subject of eating disorders does not automatically make a tome good, especially if it's as hamfisted as this one.
Not a whole lot is known about the author outside of his professional work. What IS known is Karen Carpenter was one of his clients under the BS treatment of force-feeding anorexics THEN getting to the psychological issues of the disorder. And we all know what happened to her. So yeah, you're already starting with a million negative points, "Doctor."
So, how do I hate this waste of paper? Let me count the ways:
Worse an influence than The Vampire Book That Must Not Be Named: Sure, it may have brought awareness to anorexia back in a day when not much was known about it, but in being so meticulous in detail, from dividing up food to tricking doctors at weigh-ins to other OCD behaviors associated with EDs, this ended up being the goddamn how-to manual. Pro-ana websites get shut down but this waste of paper is allowed to stay in circulation? WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN. So yeah, if you're the parent/guardian/teacher of a child who already has body image issues and you let them get ahold of this, you automatically win the Dumbass Of The Millennium Award. Double if you make it "required reading" (and for months on end, the English teacher wondered why hir students were dropping like flies...).
Outdated information: Again, yes, this was written when eating disorders were just coming into public light so there was bound to be some errors. But seeing as it doesn't look like subsequent editions have even bothered to correct said errors...yeah, big fat fail. Bulimia is not given separate recognition (though it is referred to as binging and purging, so that's something), the force-feeding treatment is still a no-go, oh, and don't forget that only white girls from good upper-class homes get anorexia! Yeah, on behalf of every minority, male, poor, and broken-homed person with an ED I say, "Fuck you."
Wait, is there a character I'm actually supposed to LIKE?: No, one can't even root for the protagonist Francesca/Kessa in all her glamorized martyrdom, so she's out. The only two to come close are her hospital roommate Lila and Dr. Sherman. However, the former's "sassy black girl" dialogue sets the civil rights movement back thirty years, and since Sherman is obviously a Marty Stu stand-in for Dr. Levorkion...yeah, no thanks. The worst offender is another anorexic Myrna, who pissed me off so much I ended up mentally giving her the face and voice of a co-worker I despise (who ironically is as big as a house). Not since Brother Leon in The Chocolate War have I actively wished physical harm upon a fictional character. (BTW, anyone who wants to snark that book gets my lesbian babies.)
Stereotypes are bad, mmkay?: Doesn't look like anyone told the author that. Let's work with Kessa and the characters around her-
-snapped into starvation-mode by a remark from her brusque French ballet teacher? Check.
-older brother who can do no wrong? Check.
-rebellious older sister who always gets bailed out? Check.
-father who's always drinking when he's not always working? Check.
-passive-passive mother whose expressed regrets over giving birth to her in the first place? Check.
-dreaded getting her period because it meant Mommy wouldn't look after her little girl anymore? Check and MATE.
It's pretty bad when you're in the first ten pages of a YA book and can figure out why the protagonist is so screwed up :/
Bad dialogue: Of which there is by the bucketload, especially in the latter half. Medical jargon straight from a textbook (courtesy of the doctors), antagonisms bordering on cartoon villainy (courtesy of Alcoholic Daddy and Myrna The Cunt) and OTT histrionics I can't even imagine coming out of Casey Anthony's mouth (courtesy of Mommy Meekest and Kessa The Martyr). Among the examples to make me barf the most (god I can't believe I have to type all this shit out):
"Coward," Kessa hissed at the crying girl. "Queen Francesca Louise, queen of the cowards, queen of nothing, queen of nobody, you're finished, ended, dead." Kessa was still pinching and the girl in the mirror was still crying. "Goodbye forever, Francesca Louise."
Gollum/Smeagol could take some lessons on instability from this one.
Myrna looked gleefully at the bottle hanging from the pole next to Kessa's bed. She had gathered from the doctors and nurses that Kessa was a threat to her superiority. The thought of Kessa trapped in her bed gaining ounce after ounce while Myrna prowled the hall and plied her trade- a sneaked meal here, a secret vomit there- delighted her. [...] "I just like to be the worst, that's all. Everybody's got something they like to be better at than anybody else. With me it's anorexia."
[...]"Little Miss Holier-Than-Thou. What were you planning on doing with that crap if not bingeing [sic] and then throwing it up? You think I'm crazy because I want to be the worst anorexic around. Well, at least I know what I am. But you're so sick you can't even recognize what you are." The idea that Kessa's refusal to see her own illness might make her the sickest of all alarmed Myrna.
OH, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. Show me anyone with an ED who has legit talked/thought like that and I'll gladly beat the non-existent stuffing out of 'em.
"Home! That was the worst of all. She always belonged. Oh, she could do whatever she wanted. She pulled more shit than you could imagine, drove them crazy half the time, but she still belonged."
[...] "And he belonged too. Oh, God, did he belong. Nobody ever belonged like old Gregory Dietrich. Mr. Perfect. Everything he did was perfect. Everything he said was perfect. He even looked perfect. Well, I'll tell you something about my goddamn perfect brother. Just come to him with a problem and he picks up that perfect ass of his and runs like shit. But the best part is, all the time he's running, he's smiling at you- that perfect Greg Deitrich smile that says, 'it may look like I'm running, but I'm not really running at all, because after all, how could somebody as perfect as I am run?'"
Barf barf barf barf barf. C'mon, I fried my pre-teen brain cells on VC Andrews and even I know this is shitty writing.
"I have tricks. I...have...lots...and...lots...of...magic...tricks. My life is magic tricks."
"Like...my...Shatner...impression?"
Editor asleep at the wheel: Commas and periods mismatched and sometimes left out altogether. GRAH.
Oh, and for anyone curious as to how Kessa eventually snaps out of it? A couple pep talks from the doc and standoff with Die In A Fire Please Myrna. If only it were that easy :/
There is a follow-up titled Kessa where apparently she relapses, but if it's anything like this piece of shit, it's no wonder why.
I wish I could pulp this copy I have so it could be recycled into a more positive book, but I don't think the library would approve of that...and technically I don't even have it signed out in the first place. You think I want this drivel on my record? I think not. Oh well. *goes to carefully smuggle it back in*