(no subject)
So in between Heyers I've been reading the Memoirs of Vidocq, who as you all probably know is the French escape artist/policeman/spy who served as the inspiration for both Valjean and Javert.
If this is the reason you are reading the book, as I was, the first third of the memoirs are kind of less interesting; it's basically a chronicle of Roguish Young Vidocq joining the army, deserting from the army, changing his name, seducing ladies, joining the army again, fighting some duels, seducing more ladies, lather, rinse, repeat. Try and imagine Javert or Valjean in this position if you like, but if you can, your imagination is better than mine. (Although it is sort of interesting from a historical perspective, in that two things were apparently REALLY EASY in post-revolutionary France: a.) joining an army regiment under a fake name, because everything was so confused that nobody could keep track, and b.) pretending to be an aristocrat who left behind a secret hoard of pre-Revolution money before fleeing, which was every con artist's favorite game.)
Anyway, eventually he gets thrown in prison, and escapes a bunch of times -- most memorably, cross-dressed as a NUN -- and then he gets thrown in the galleys and has an epic "OH SHIT" realization and escapes some more and attempts to go straight, only to get repeatedly recognized by old prison buddies going "hey hey VIDOCQ buddy, let's commit some crime, you in? >:D" to which Vidocq will answer ". . . . sure!" and then attempt to skedaddle in the opposite direction.
Finally he decides his only choice is not only to go straight, but to turn himself in to the Paris police as a spy. Which means that now, every time someone goes "hey hey Vidocq buddy, let's commit some crime, you in? >:D" Vidocq will go "SURE!" and then ensure that they all get caught at the MOST DRAMATIC POSSIBLE MOMENT. Vidocq has no qualms whatsoever about assuring his criminal friends that they have nothing to fear from him and then turning around and stabbing them directly in the back; his general attitude is "if you're stupid enough to get caught, you completely deserve it."
In case you wonder where Hugo got Javert's sense of drama: it's direct from Vidocq, man. It is from Vidocq in SPADES. However, Vidocq is better at it than Javert, because Javert does not lie, and Vidocq is more than happy to lie repeatedly for a good cause. Some particularly notable exploits of Vidocq:
- the time that he charged in to arrest a criminal whose wife was in the middle of giving birth; Vidocq decides he can't go get a midwife in case the guy escapes, and then calmly DELIVERS THE BABY HIMSELF. They name him the godfather before he hands the guy off to prison
- that time he spent like SIX MONTHS in jail in disguise as a German peasant just so he could become BFF with a suspect so that he could dramatically arrest him as soon as he got out
- the time he spent three hours listening to a guy ranting about about how he would buy a drink for anyone who would show him to Vidocq and let him punch him out, and then calmly arrested him and told him that he owed him, Vidocq, SO MANY DRINKS
- the time that he was in disguise and hanging out with a band of criminals that he was going to arrest later:
CRIMINALS: We're bored! Let's put on . . . a play!
VIDOCQ: What play?
CRIMINALS: Let's play "that super jerk spy Vidocq is a huge tool!" But who's gonna be Vidocq?
VIDOCQ: OOH OOH ME ME ME PLEASE LET ME PLAY VIDOCQ >:D >:D >:D
And then of course four hours later he arrested them all, and was like, "Yeah, you're probably mad about that, but look -- at least you get to tell all your criminal buddies the story of the time Vidocq played Vidocq, and that's TOTALLY WORTH IT, right?" Vidocq, I hate to break it to you, but that is probably not as worth it to them as it is to you.
However, the best bit of the book by far is not about Vidocq at all, but about his acquaintance Sophie the Dashing Lady Thief. Vidocq eventually catches Sophie, of course, but she's very chill about it, which, Vidocq casually explains, is because she's a BIG OL' SAPPHO and is A-OK with hanging out in the lesbian prison scene. Then he tells the story about the time her girlfriend got locked up and Sophie got herself denounced so they wouldn't have to be separated. Apparently, according to Vidocq, this happens ALL THE TIME in the criminal Parisian lesbian underworld. WHICH IS A THING. So now you know.
(Dashing lesbian lady thieves: as always, the best gift a book can give me. Historically accurate dashing lesbian lady thieves, even better!)
This entry is cross-posted at Livejournal from http://skygiants.dreamwidth.org/324831.html. Please feel free to comment here or there! There are currently
comments on Dreamwidth.
If this is the reason you are reading the book, as I was, the first third of the memoirs are kind of less interesting; it's basically a chronicle of Roguish Young Vidocq joining the army, deserting from the army, changing his name, seducing ladies, joining the army again, fighting some duels, seducing more ladies, lather, rinse, repeat. Try and imagine Javert or Valjean in this position if you like, but if you can, your imagination is better than mine. (Although it is sort of interesting from a historical perspective, in that two things were apparently REALLY EASY in post-revolutionary France: a.) joining an army regiment under a fake name, because everything was so confused that nobody could keep track, and b.) pretending to be an aristocrat who left behind a secret hoard of pre-Revolution money before fleeing, which was every con artist's favorite game.)
Anyway, eventually he gets thrown in prison, and escapes a bunch of times -- most memorably, cross-dressed as a NUN -- and then he gets thrown in the galleys and has an epic "OH SHIT" realization and escapes some more and attempts to go straight, only to get repeatedly recognized by old prison buddies going "hey hey VIDOCQ buddy, let's commit some crime, you in? >:D" to which Vidocq will answer ". . . . sure!" and then attempt to skedaddle in the opposite direction.
Finally he decides his only choice is not only to go straight, but to turn himself in to the Paris police as a spy. Which means that now, every time someone goes "hey hey Vidocq buddy, let's commit some crime, you in? >:D" Vidocq will go "SURE!" and then ensure that they all get caught at the MOST DRAMATIC POSSIBLE MOMENT. Vidocq has no qualms whatsoever about assuring his criminal friends that they have nothing to fear from him and then turning around and stabbing them directly in the back; his general attitude is "if you're stupid enough to get caught, you completely deserve it."
In case you wonder where Hugo got Javert's sense of drama: it's direct from Vidocq, man. It is from Vidocq in SPADES. However, Vidocq is better at it than Javert, because Javert does not lie, and Vidocq is more than happy to lie repeatedly for a good cause. Some particularly notable exploits of Vidocq:
- the time that he charged in to arrest a criminal whose wife was in the middle of giving birth; Vidocq decides he can't go get a midwife in case the guy escapes, and then calmly DELIVERS THE BABY HIMSELF. They name him the godfather before he hands the guy off to prison
- that time he spent like SIX MONTHS in jail in disguise as a German peasant just so he could become BFF with a suspect so that he could dramatically arrest him as soon as he got out
- the time he spent three hours listening to a guy ranting about about how he would buy a drink for anyone who would show him to Vidocq and let him punch him out, and then calmly arrested him and told him that he owed him, Vidocq, SO MANY DRINKS
- the time that he was in disguise and hanging out with a band of criminals that he was going to arrest later:
CRIMINALS: We're bored! Let's put on . . . a play!
VIDOCQ: What play?
CRIMINALS: Let's play "that super jerk spy Vidocq is a huge tool!" But who's gonna be Vidocq?
VIDOCQ: OOH OOH ME ME ME PLEASE LET ME PLAY VIDOCQ >:D >:D >:D
And then of course four hours later he arrested them all, and was like, "Yeah, you're probably mad about that, but look -- at least you get to tell all your criminal buddies the story of the time Vidocq played Vidocq, and that's TOTALLY WORTH IT, right?" Vidocq, I hate to break it to you, but that is probably not as worth it to them as it is to you.
However, the best bit of the book by far is not about Vidocq at all, but about his acquaintance Sophie the Dashing Lady Thief. Vidocq eventually catches Sophie, of course, but she's very chill about it, which, Vidocq casually explains, is because she's a BIG OL' SAPPHO and is A-OK with hanging out in the lesbian prison scene. Then he tells the story about the time her girlfriend got locked up and Sophie got herself denounced so they wouldn't have to be separated. Apparently, according to Vidocq, this happens ALL THE TIME in the criminal Parisian lesbian underworld. WHICH IS A THING. So now you know.
(Dashing lesbian lady thieves: as always, the best gift a book can give me. Historically accurate dashing lesbian lady thieves, even better!)
This entry is cross-posted at Livejournal from http://skygiants.dreamwidth.org/324831.html. Please feel free to comment here or there! There are currently
comments on Dreamwidth.