(no subject)
so i should be doing my government homework right now, but i thought i should update, even though i have nothing to talk about. nathan's sick, and that made me sad. prom is at the end of april, coolness. graduation is moved up to tuesday, may 23, scary. i hope i get into at least one of the collges i applied to. i think i can get into the actually school, but it's getting into the music program that worries me. i'll probably end up going to ut austin, even though my top realistic (i say realistic because i know i'm not going to get into columbia, even though that's my top choice) choice is rice. their music program is awesome and, of course, so are their academics, but i shouldn't worry about their academics if i'm going to be a music major. but that's what's wierd for me. i actually enjoy most of my academics as much as my music classes, so it's going to be wierd just to have music, even though that's my passion. i could probably be a pyschologist, archeologist, or philosopher easily, but no, i have to be passionate about something i'm not even that good at. why would i want to be a musician when i'm not even that good? i mean, i know i'm pretty good, but i could be so much better. it's like at this point in my music career, i'm not really improving that much, like i've hit a plateau, which makes me not want to practice that much, which kinda depresses me. i don't know. getting into the right college, with the right people would be a blessing because it would push me to practice and improve again. everything is just so up in the air right now. like i have absolutely no idea where i'm going to be or who i'm going to be with in the very near future, and that scares the hell out of me. i need to know something but i don't know anything, and that makes me so nervous. i don't know what school i'm going to be at, if i'm going to be in music, or even if i can scramble up enough money to go to college. i'm worrying myself sick thinking about all of this, so i'm going to stop.