WAKE UP PEOPLE
Let me, once again, reiterate how I feel about this:
THE INTERNET IS LAME.
Now, before I begin rant, let me say a couple of things. 1) I KNOW this is a post 2) The internet has it's good points. It's fast, easy to access, and usually helpful when in search of that obscure object. And 3) YES, I have a Myspace page. Why? Not sure. I hardly ever use it. Actually, it's mostly for talking to old friends who aren't on Livejournal (And that begs the question...If I can only reach someone online, if we are so far removed from one another's life that the internet is our only commonality, then are they really my friends?). Which brings me to the next point: 4) YES I have a Livejournal. I like to write, even if it's about nothing. And as much as I would like to think that I am above this, even I have fallen victim to some the following.
But know this: I feel that it's time for a change. I'm not so sure that cyber space is where I want to be anymore...
The intertnet is false; it is a parody of real life. It is an escape. For some, it is an addiction. It is a world filled with the sound of click-clacking keys and "buddies" signing in & out. Maybe the music you're playing out of your computer speakers serves another purpose other than enabling you to hear your favorite band. Maybe it drowns out the reality that physically surrounds; maybe its there to make a sound louder than the questions you're asking yourself in your head, like, "What the fuck am I really doing?!?"
The blinking cursor reminds you that you can type anything at all, even if it isn't tangible or factual. It's a form of fantasy & voyeurism: create a new persona for the world to see so that they may feel awed by your wit / humor / sex appeal (__insert anything, really___). Revel in the amount of users who find you so magnificant & grand; love the anonymity of it all. When things are going bad, you can simply hide behind the screen, change your name(s), or log off. .There's no real commitment. It's an empowering feeling, to be able to control interactions in such a way. You almost feel invincible.
And then there are some who are so desperate for a connection, so anxious for attention, that they try to make the imagined real. They put up dating profiles, scour the internet, looking for those in their area, they arrange encounters... They sometimes even talk to people they already know, or have known in the past, but the difference is this: obscuring youself beind a network of cables and keyboards and computer screens makes it much easier to say things that you would never say in person, do things that you would never do, & show people things about yourself (invented or otherwise) that you would normally be embarrassed to show others.
But when do you stop? When do you write the truth? If ever? When does the charade end? What happens when what you thought you wanted turns out to be nothing like what you had hoped for at all? What happens when you realize that the other person(s) were just doing exactly what you were doing...? What happens to a person when they come to prefer non-face-to-face interactions over looking at an expression, seeing an emotion, or looking into their friend's or partner's eyes, and really "clicking"?
You're more vulnerable than you know online.
It feels good to be wanted. It feels good to be called HOT or SEXY or to know that someone (other than yourself) wants to have sex with you. But do you really want the attention that you seek, or are you just looking to fill a self-esteem void?
It feels good to be thought of as FUNNY or CREATIVE or SMART.
But who is telling you this, and do they really mean it?
It feels nice to have 986 friends on your list.
But who are they, & do they really care?
This is why I feel that a change must come. For me, at least. It may not be this instant, it may not even be tomorrow. But I PREFER human contact. I PREFER knowing that when I'm pouring out my soul, that someone is actually listening; someone actually cares. I DON'T WANT to waste my days, "surfing" or reading fowards. I DON'T WANT to lose contact with life, MY LIFE. I DON'T WANT to create a new one. I PREFER to talk it out, to cry aloud in your presence, or hold your hand as we jump for joy. I am TIRED of hiding. I DON'T NEED any more devices in my life that make it too easy for me to slip away.